Liars
by Kolkwitzia
Summary: Post-Spokane. Dimitri is gone, and Rose is on a downward spiral of alcohol and men. Christian's mom has returned with an army, and he finds himself tied to Liss's side - just when he'd decided it was time for them to part ways - in order to convince the Moroi of the need for offensive magic. Angst. Infidelity. Definitely OOC. Slow Burn. M-Rated.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone. This is my first fanfic. It's a Rose/Christian, and I'm hoping it'll end up novel length, so plenty of chapters to go after this one. It'll be told in Rose and Christian's perspective. Let me know your thoughts, I love to hear them!_

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Liars

 **One**

 _Rose_

This guy was good. I'd been on top of a lot of guys recently, but Jed Connors was a pleasant surprise.

It was because he wasn't a royal, I decided. Royals had too much arrogance; too focused on their own pleasure because they were spoiled brats. Jed, however, was giving me just about everything I wanted.

He pulled my bottom teeth between his lips, and a low moan escaped my lips. For once, I was genuinely tempted to go further than a quick make-out session in the back of a dorm party.

I'd always been good at finding parties, but since killing a few Strigoi I was back on all the _what's hot_ lists. Invitations flew at me left, right and centre. Some more innocent than others.

This was one of the innocent ones. Marina Conta was having a party to celebrate her birthday, and Lissa and I had both been invited. Lissa had brought Christian along. Sometimes I went to parties Lissa wouldn't dare, and they were the most fun ones. The ones where I drank so much I couldn't see straight, and then fell into the first lap willing to accept me.

Those provided the best distractions.

Jed was good, though. His hands gripped my hips, but they weren't quite rough enough. His mouth was insistent on mine, but it wasn't hard enough to bruise.

I craved it.

Why would no one be rough with me?

I'd just killed two Strigoi, for fuck sake. I wasn't a gentle little flower who needed protecting from the real world.

Just because I'd taken to dinking a _tad_ too much and throwing myself at anyone who was willing to give me a few minutes of reprieve from reality didn't mean they had to run hands through my hair as though the soft gesture would turn me on.

Still, Jed was better than most. His fingers were still hard on my skin, he dared to grind my hips into his.

He didn't know I wasn't going to have sex with him in a million years.

It was a stupid rationale. I'd make out with anyone willing, a bit of mutual masturbation was fair game, but I couldn't bring myself to fuck them.

Because of Dimitri.

I was a loser.

He'd left, and he didn't deserve anything of mine. And yet I kept my virginity close to my chest because I was scared of losing it and changing. It was the only thing I had left.

I used guys as a distraction, from Dimitri and life in general. It was easy to forget the image of Mason's face turning cold and pale when someone had a finger down my pants. That didn't mean they could take something permanent from me.

Jed's hands began to dip below my waistline, and I let them. People weren't paying us any attention, and coming was the best distraction known to man—or woman, in this case.

I threw my head back, and let Jed change his lips' attention to my neck. Music blasted in the dorm room. We were in the furthest one from the guardians' posts that was possible, and so it was easy to get lost in the pounding beat. Jed's fingers brushed against my swollen nub, and I shivered in his arms, hands tightening in his shaggy blonde hair.

I'd never been a big fan of blondes, but my vision was so blurry I could barely tell anyway. The lights were dimmed.

Honestly, I could have been getting off with anyone. The fact I knew his name was more than I could say for a lot of the past month.

He quickened the pace of his thumb, and my muscles clenched. I forced down a cry, back arched and head thrown back in ecstasy.

This was the real escape.

Nothing but pure euphoria.

I came down from the high, lip hurting from biting it to keep my moans in, and glanced around the room to make sure no one had been paying me too much attention.

My gaze locked with an icy blue one.

Christian Ozera was staring right at me, and there was no doubt he'd witnessed everything. His gaze was hot; a deep intense stare that turned me on more than the man beneath me. His jaw was tense, his posture, too. Clad in a tight black shirt, I could see the restraint as he played with one of his shirt buttons.

And then he sent his classic smirk in my direction.

 _Fuck_.

I turned an obscene shade of red, swallowing the instant resurgence of my arousal.

Forcing my gaze away, I shoved it down. I was drunk, and Christian was Lissa's boyfriend. He'd have forgotten about it in the morning, and so would I.

I hopped off Jed's lap, and he made to protest, but I gave a fake sway, pressing a hand to my lip. "I'm so sorry, I think I might throw up."

That was enough to stop him being interested, despite the obvious tent in his pants.

I was a bitch, too.

Sifting my way through the crowd, I found the table with the alcohol on. There was still an unopened bottle of vodka on there, and I bit in the inside of my cheek. No one would notice if it went missing, and I had a big bag on my shoulder that would swallow the bottle.

Money wasn't something I was doing well with right now. The few savings I had left were dwindling quickly, and alcohol was top on my list of priorities.

I stared at the bottle for a few more seconds before sighing and grabbing a plastic cup. I hadn't sunk low enough to steal vodka quite yet.

Maybe in a couple of weeks I'd reassess my dignity levels.

For now, though, I hadn't quite reached the stage of blackout drunkenness, and that was unacceptable.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hi everyone. Hope everyone enjoys Christian's POV. I'm hoping to update ~every 4 days on this story. The chapters will probably be pretty inconsistent in length, from ~500-3000_

* * *

 **Two**

 _Christian_

Her face was burned in my mind, and my cock just couldn't quite ignore it. It was the most beautiful I'd ever seen Rose, and she looked pretty fucking good most of the time. Head thrown back, body tight and shaking, plump pink lip caught between her teeth.

My pants tightened, and I tried to force the thoughts away. I downed the rest of my drink, welcoming the pleasant burn at the back of my throat. Liss was still hanging on my arm, her tinkly laugh just loud enough to hear over the music as she wooed the crowd of royals hanging off her every word.

I wanted to escape, but I didn't.

I needed her.

My mind was a mess, and I ended up excusing myself to get another drink. I just wanted everything to disappear, especially Vasilisa Dragomir.

It was even the note that was burned into my mind, it was the picture I'd been sent with it.

My mom, stood there surrounded by people, the red ring in her iris taunting me.

 _She's back_ , the note had read. _And she's coming for you._

I had no idea whether it was true, whether someone was just taunting me.

At least at first.

Then the second note had come, and the second picture.

It was a damn good Photoshop, if it was just someone playing a prank. My mom was biting someone's neck, fangs on full show. In the background, out of the window, I'd seen the skyline of New York City.

The skyline of New York City as it currently was, not how it had been ten years ago when my mom had supposedly been killed.

My stomach tightened, and I made my drink strong.

Thinking about Rose was far better than thinking about this. My gaze sought her out in the crowd, and found her leaning against a wall, staring into her drink.

She'd been a mess since Spokane, and I wasn't surprised. I was still haunted by it, too, and I hadn't even known Mason. Nightmares still featured it, I still woke up feeling starved of blood some days.

I downed my drink, a wave of nausea rolling through me.

I wanted to go and speak to her, but common sense told me not to. Not after what I'd seen.

Not after she'd seen how much I wanted to fuck her in that moment.

Because there was no way she'd missed it on my face, even that drunk.

I looked away from Rose, and the note's contents were back, taunting me. _She's not going to stop until she's killed everyone she cares about, and turned you._

 _You'll be her favourite Strigoi_.

 _The biggest army you've ever seen, and they're coming for you_.

And so I'd been resolved. It was time to talk to the royals and finally take up my Aunt's cause properly.

We needed offensive Moroi magic, and I was one of few who could properly advocate for it.

Because I had Liss, and Liss could have advocated for slaughtering penguins and people would have bought in.

I'd shown the notes to Guardian Petrov, and to Kirova, and been told they were _looking into it_ , whatever that meant.

And then I'd sent the notes to Aunt Tasha. I knew that more would start getting done when she arrived in a couple of weeks.

But I hadn't told Rose or Liss. I wasn't sure why. Maybe it was shame. They'd have to know eventually, but I was putting it off. I didn't want their pity. Right now I had admiration, maybe even respect. This would get me sympathy, and I hated it.

For now, I just had to put up with Lissa.

Of course this had all come just at the moment I'd decided I wanted to break-up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

 _Rose_

I felt significantly more sick now than I had done last night. My head was pounding, and my stomach swirled uneasily. Adrian gave me an easy smile as I pushed the bacon and eggs I'd gotten for breakfast around my plate. "Rough night?"

"You could say that."

Adrian was the one person I'd definitely not randomly thrown myself at. I knew it hurt, knew he could see me making out with anyone who even looked at me twice, and yet I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole.

Because Adrian cared, and I didn't want feelings. I wanted impersonal distraction.

Adrian was the opposite.

And he was my friend, and I valued that friendship more than anything. I didn't fear judgement under Adrian's intense gaze.

Instead of telling me that I should perhaps put down the vodka for a night, he joined me.

He was also my prime alcohol source, which wasn't something I wanted to underestimate right now.

"I keep telling you to drink water before you go to sleep, and you never listen. Seriously, it's the foolproof way to stop a hangover."

I groaned, and downed what was left in the glass of water I had now. "It makes me feel so ill trying to drink like three litres of water before getting into bed, though."

"Not as ill as you feel now, I'll bet." He wasn't wrong. "At least you've got the field experience to cheer you up now. I'll tell Lissa to force you to drink that water before you get into bed."

The entire time I'd been at St. Vladimir's, the field experience was what I'd been looking forward to. Six weeks living with Lissa, guarding her like I would be doing in the real world.

But now, I dreaded it. It would be like having a leash. Someone to stop me going out and getting wasted, someone to pass judgement on my life choices. Someone to find out that I woke up every night in tangled sheets, breathing so heavily I was almost hyperventilating.

I wasn't ready for someone to know about that yet.

I was pretty sure I was no longer fit to be a guardian at all, but I couldn't tell Liss that. I'd felt her thoughts, and her thoughts towards me were even more elevated after Spokane. I was her invincible barrier against the real world. Nothing would ever touch her when I was near.

So that's what I'd be. Only, I wanted to do it from my own room, with my demons kept away in private.

Eddie plopped down in the seat next to me. He hadn't been at the party last night, but he wasn't looking much more fresh-faced than myself. Eddie never looked anything but melancholy anymore.

I offered him a weak smile, and he returned one. "Looking forward to the field experience?"

"Of course," I lied.

I saw straight through Eddie's false smile when he confirmed he was, too. Mason would have loved the field experience. It was all he'd ever talked about this year. Becoming a real guardian. Mason could have gotten lumped with Jesse Zeklos and he'd have still managed to have a positive time.

An air of melancholy settled over the trio, and Adrian cleared his throat. "I'm going to head off. Good luck with the assignments."

I didn't need luck, getting Liss was inevitable. What I needed was something to get rid of my nightmares and compulsion to drink.

When we entered the gym and took our seats, I took an automatic sweep of the room, looking for Dimitri. He wasn't here, obviously. He was with Tasha, probably laid in bed and cuddling. He'd probably made her breakfast in bed.

Alberta started speaking, and I fell into a hungover trance.

Up until they got to Eddie, anyway.

"Eddie Castile, you have been assigned Vasilisa Dragomir."

My heart stopped for a second. Waking up with nightmares in front of Liss was one thing, but doing it in front of some random Moroi and it being the gossip of the year within ten minutes was something else entirely.

Eddie sent me a sideways glance, eyes wide. I didn't respond, I just stared at Alberta, waiting agonising minute by minute to see who I was going to get.

The nauseating reminder it might be someone I'd made out with recently didn't help.

"Rosemarie Hathaway, you have been assigned to Christian Ozera."

My sigh of relief was audible. Christian. I could deal with that. At the very least, he'd understand. He'd been there, he knew what had happened at Spokane.

And no one needed to know about Dimitri. Spokane was ample enough reason to having fallen a little off the deep end.

When Alberta was finished speaking, Eddie cringed. "I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"It's fine, Eddie. It's not your fault. Besides, I've got Christian, that's basically like having Lissa with how much time they spend together." The fire I'd had ready to take to Alberta and demand a swap of charges had disappeared. Christian was fine.

A memory teased me. A memory of Christian's smirk as he'd just watched me come.

Shit.

He probably couldn't remember that.

I probably shouldn't be thinking about that.

Eddie and I grabbed our packets from the guardian handing them out, and headed back towards the cafeteria, where our Moroi would be waiting.

Liss jumped up when she saw us entering, practically skipping over. "So?" I turned the packet towards her, and Christian's face stared up. "Oh."

"Yeah, you've got Eddie, though. And you and Christian are always together, so it's basically going to be like how it is now, with all of us hanging out."

She brightened at that. "You're right."

She turned to Eddie and began chatting to him. At least that hadn't been too traumatic.

At the table, I slipped into the seat next to Christian and gave him a grim smile. "I guess I'm your new best bud."

He picked up the packet, and I couldn't read what he was thinking. "Can't wait."

They didn't really say much else after that. I chatted to Liss, and Christian chatted to Eddie.

There was no acknowledgement of what had happened at the party, even slightly. Everything was normal. Christian and I maintained the grudging respect that had occurred after Spokane, and there were no illusions of being best friends.

It was welcome. I hoped that he'd feel similarly when I woke up screaming tonight. He'd see it, decide it was my business, and just let me fall back to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_A longer chapter! I enjoyed writing this one. Playing around with Christian's POV can be quite fun. Hope it's an okay read!_

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 **Four**

 _Christian_

The packet on the table taunted me. It was going to be in there, I knew it. There was no way they'd given me the best novice in the school for the fun of it. They thought my mom posed a threat, and they'd given me Rose.

There wasn't a chance in hell they were going to be putting her as my guardian blind. She'd have to know everything.

She couldn't have read it yet.

The next half an hour was torture. We'd been given the day off to adjust to the field experience, to get to know your partner if you hadn't spoken before. I knew Liss would want to spend it together, the four of us, maybe with Adrian.

Liss had managed to poison time with his friends, now. I didn't want to be with her, listening to her talk about the next royal convention she was going to be attending. There was something new nearly every week now. The Queen had upped her ante, and Lissa would be a fully integrated royal before she graduated.

I had to take advantage of it. I had to suffer through mine and Liss's now-glaring incompatibilities so that the Moroi race stood a chance against what was happening in the Strigoi world. Even if my mom's so-called army wasn't real, or big enough, it would only get worse.

Moroi needed to be able to fight.

Spokane still haunted me, though. The entire ski lodge haunted me. Lissa and I wanted the opposite things out of life. She'd be Queen someday, and I was ready for inner-city living as far away as possible from the vampire world. But I could swallow that, I had to swallow that. I could make a difference, and so what I wanted didn't matter.

The fact I fell more and more out of love with Lissa as every day passed couldn't matter.

Rose looked just as miserable as ever. She hid it well with a fake smile, laughing in all the right places, but her eyes were dead. I'd known Rose long enough now to notice when she was zoned out, filtering buzzwords so she knew how to respond without it looking false.

I hoped she'd get back to normal soon. Mason's death was hardest on her, though.

Leaning back on her chair and ducking out of the conversation she was having with Lissa, Rose turned to me. "I normally train in the mornings and evenings, so I'm not sure what you want to do about that."

"How long for?"

"A couple of hours each time."

I let out a low whistle. It was no wonder she was looking so good recently. Rose had been throwing herself into training more than ever. She was rarely around in the evenings and mornings, normally just stopping to grab a breakfast tinier than mine or Lissa's before classes started. "I mean, I'm not much of a morning person, to be honest."

Rose didn't hide her disappointment well. "No worries. Just let me know what you feel like doing on a day-to-day basis, if you want. I'm not tied to anything."

"I train in the evenings sometimes, too." My offensive magic needed constant work to keep it up to scratch, and my Aunt emailed me with new moves and techniques to try. It was best practiced in the woods, just when the sun was starting to rise and I knew I wasn't going to be interrupted. "Normally out away from the campus, though. I don't know if you could train out there. I wouldn't really feel comfortable training in the gym."

Rose's ears seemed to visibly perk at the mention of my offensive magic. "That's cool. I can do some running and stuff."

We decided to go to the library after everyone had finished eating. Liss and I had homework to do, and Eddie and Rose didn't have a choice.

I watched Rose from the corner of my eye as she opened the packet and began reading.

When she found the bit about my mom, her eyes widened, and met mine. I swallowed, and begged her not to say anything right now. She stared at me, hard, before averting her gaze and continuing to read as though nothing had happened.

It was a painful ten minutes before I decided I really ought to go and speak to Rose about what had happened. I hadn't seen it yet: hadn't seen her looking at me with those big brown eyes, feeling sorry for my poor, poor predicament.

It would come, though. I had no doubts.

Maybe not from her, but from Liss. Because I had to tell her now.

"I forgot my textbook," I told Liss, folding my things into my bag. "I need to go fetch it. I won't be long."

As soon as we were out of the library, Rose turned her accusatory stare on me. "What the fuck?"

I ran a hand through my hair. "How much was in there?"

"Photocopies of the notes and pictures."

"Shit."

"What do you mean, _shit_? When were you planning on telling me this? On telling _Liss_. She has no idea."

"I was going to tell you eventually, obviously. I just needed to get my head around it."

"The date on the first note is from a month ago. That's only a week after we got back from the ski lodge. Fucking hell, what were you thinking? You can't keep secrets like that from Liss, she's going to be devastated."

Of course Rose was only thinking about Liss.

She massaged her temples. "Christian you're in so much danger and you've been practising your magic, alone, in the middle of the forest? Why didn't you just ask me to come with you? You wouldn't have even had to tell me why."

I rubbed a hand on the back of my neck. "I didn't want to tell anyone."

"Does Tasha know?"

"Yes."

"I guess at least that's something. So, the school and Tasha know. What are they doing about it?"

"What they can." I did air quotes around the phrase.

Rose threw her hands up. "Someone has threatened the school and one of the students with a fucking army of Strigoi and they're doing _what they can_?"

I chuckled. Well, the pity definitely wasn't going to come from Rose, and I was glad. "My Aunt is flying in soon. They'll take her more seriously."

Something in Rose changed. The fire in her died for just a moment, replaced by a deep seated helplessness I didn't understand. Then it was gone, and she'd hidden it almost perfectly. "Good." She rubbed at her eyes with the palm of her hands. "Shit, Christian, I can't believe you didn't tell me."

The thing is, I would have told Rose. If Lissa wasn't in the picture, I'd have told Rose in an instant, because of the reaction she was having now. She was hard, efficient, angry. She would have been able to help me feel better about it.

But I couldn't have told Rose and expected her to hide it from Liss. It wouldn't have been fair.

"I'm sorry." And I meant it. "I just didn't know how. I can't deal with Liss fussing around me and pitying me. I don't want our relationship dynamic to change because of this."

"Just tell her that," Rose said, though I could see by her face she knew exactly what I meant. "She'll try and tone if down if you're honest, I'm sure."

"Well, I guess I have to tell her now. I'm not going to make you lie to her."

We reached my room. It was completely bare except a few books, clothes and my bed. It was going to be weird living with someone. It had always been just me. Even Liss rarely stayed the night. We met in the attic at the church and retired to our own rooms afterwards.

I hoped I wasn't too loud when I woke up in the night.

Rose perched on the edge of his bed, hands in her lap. She looked exhausted, slouched and with obvious bags under her eyes.

She looked up at me, trying to gauge something. "Are you okay, though?"

"I'm sure I will be."

"Well, if you ever want a non-pity-filled chat, I'll be here for literally six solid weeks."

I chuckled. Maybe I'd take her up on it at some point. "Thanks."

An awkward silence settled over the room. I could almost feel Rose's need to barrage me with questions, but she managed to hold back. Her eyes flashed over the picture I kept on my dresser of me and my Aunt. A sigh escaped her lips. "Well, I guess we should go back to Liss. You were only getting a textbook, after all."

That didn't make me feel any better. Maybe answering Rose's questions would be more fun.

"I don't know how to tell her," I said, running a hand over my face and taking a seat beside her. "You're right, it's been too long."

"Just tell her the truth. Or, well, lie a little bit and tell her that you were just so upset about the whole thing that you couldn't bring yourself to tell her."

"That's only going to get me pity."

She lifted a shoulder. "I'm not very good at diplomatic conversations, sorry."

I laid back and stared at the ceilings. "What if she comes here, my mom. You read the note. Kills all my friends, turns me. I mean, an army of Strigoi, it's not exactly a small threat."

Rose turned to look at me, eyes distant. "I don't know. We can only do our best."

"Our best includes teaching Moroi how to fight." Maybe testing the waters with Rose would be the best idea. Maybe then we could go to Liss together, get her to take up the cause. She'd already spoken about it at the ski lodge, I knew she was in favour of the Moroi learning how to fight.

"True. Liss is all buddy-buddy with the Queen and the royals now. Get her on your cause and you'll be laughing."

"I've just been putting off thinking about it."

"I don't blame you." Rose looked like she'd been putting off thinking about a lot of things, too. "Okay. Let's go back to the library. You need to tell Liss, sooner rather than later. Just rip the Band-Aid off."

I sighed, forcing myself up and off the bed. "Let's go, then. Get it over and done with, I suppose." I was slipping up around her already, talking about Liss as if she was a burden. I needed to rein myself in. Liss was my girlfriend, and I loved her.

End of story.


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**

 _Rose_

Liss looked up at Christian with big, teary eyes. I could see him fidget under her pitiful gaze.

I felt sorry for him, really. Lissa and Christian were perfect for each other, but everyone had their pet peeves. Christian's was receiving pity, and Liss was damn good at being sympathetic towards people.

"This is horrible," she cried, voice quivering. "I can't believe it. Who would send you something like that? I can't believe she's _alive_."

"Yeah, I don't know what to say. It's just one of those things, I guess." Christian was much more the kind of person to go and punch something until he was feeling better. We shared that, if nothing else.

I wasn't afraid to admit I was looking forward to watching him practice his magic. The few times I'd watched him had been exciting.

"Just one of those things?" Liss practically nuzzled her boyfriend's shoulder, whilst Eddie and I watched on uncomfortably. "This is massive. We need to do something, to get your mind off it."

The muscle in Christian's cheek jumped, but he didn't snap. "Really, I'd rather just forget about it. My Aunt is coming in a week and a half, we can revisit it then, when there's something to do about it."

That was a whole other kettle of fish I was trying desperately not to think about.

Liss nodded, and he visibly relaxed. "I'm so, so sorry this is happening."

He sighed. "Yeah, but there's nothing anyone can do about it. I just wanted to tell you. All of you, really." It was why I was guarding him in the field experience: for once he was in more danger than Liss, and I was the best novice they had. "I need to go and help Rose move her stuff into my room, though."

"Oh, yeah, I should help Eddie do the same." We were currently in Liss's room. The library hadn't been the ideal place for talking about this. They shared a long kiss, and I had to look away.

Seeing real affection as opposed to mindless, unattached arousal sent a pang of loneliness straight through me.

We said our goodbyes, and Christian and I left to go and fetch my stuff. I'd packed it all this morning before going to the gym, so there was no chance of whoever my charge was finding my alcohol stash. Three bags waited on the floor of my dorm. Two with bedding and one with clothes and toiletries.

Considering the bomb that Christian had dropped today, it was surprisingly normal. We talked, getting in jibes at each other at every available moment. The topics stayed light.

When evening came around, I wondered whether I should warn him. Maybe it was best to just get it out in the open, and tell him to wear earplugs. But I didn't, because it was too embarrassing. We changed into our pyjamas, and both sat in silence, in the dark, looking up at the ceiling.

Questions about Dimitri plagued my mind. Tasha was coming in a week and a half, and he'd be coming with her. I'd have to face him again. I longed to ask Christian if he knew whether they were dating, but I couldn't without giving away our relationship, and that wasn't an option.

No one apart from Adrian knew, and I'd successfully downplayed it to him as some stupid crush that wasn't much of anything.

"I don't think I've had anyone sleep in my room in about ten years," Christian said, and I guessed he rolled over to face me as his voice got louder and the comforter ruffled. "It's odd."

"I had to share at the ski lodge."

"They put me in my own room."

I wasn't surprised, but it still made me sad. Dating Liss had brought Christian back onto the normal scale for a lot of people, but if his mom was out there and planning a comeback, his past would be back to the centre of attention. Liss could only do so much. "It's kind of nice. I slept in the same room with Liss for so long when we ran off that it's a bit lonely going to bed without having a chat with someone before falling asleep."

"I've got to admit, I'm not the best trivial chatter in the world."

My lips quirked. "That's okay. I think even saying goodnight to someone is nice." And having the warm presence of someone, even in another bed. It was comforting.

"Well, on that note, goodnight."

I chuckled. "Night, Christian."

I woke up, and for the first time in a while, it wasn't with a scream or a shout, or even a bad dream. I scrubbed at my eyes when I heard the murmurs from the bed above me, the ruffle of bedsheets as Christian twisted and turned.

My hesitation was brief. I kicked back my own covers and stood up, unsure of what exactly I should do. Christian was on the opposite side of his double bed, and I had to kneel on one side so I could grip his shoulders. "Christian," my voice was loud, trying to get through whatever was haunting him. "Wake up. It's just a dream."

The blind wasn't very well fitting, and enough sunshine streamed into the room that I could see his face, contorted in horror. His face was even paler than normal, and a cold sweat occupied his forehead.

In an instant, he'd shot up, an arm wrapped around my throat. His eyes were open, but unseeing. "So hungry," he muttered, voice rasping and not his own. I was so shocked I barely reacted until he'd dragged me down and put his fangs at my neck.

I ripped myself away from him, easily stronger, and pinned his hands either side of his head. "Christian, you're dreaming," I said, voice shaky.

He struggled for a few seconds, before blinking rapidly and coming to. His eyes widened and he stared up at me. "Shit, Rose? What's going on?"

Satisfied he was fully back in the world of the living, I let go, sitting beside him, my legs crossed. "You were dreaming. Then you tried to bite me."

"I tried to _what?"_ He ran a hand over his face, averting his eyes. Shame dominated his expression.

"It was nothing, dream-you isn't super strong, fortunately. You were pretty easy to overpower." I fiddled with the end of my pyjama shorts, picking at the frayed edges. "I thought it was going to be the other way around, anyway. You waking up to me screaming. I guess neither of our sleeps have been great the past month."

That seemed to relax Christian, and he sat up, taking a sip of the glass of water on his bedside table. "Yeah, it's been grim. Sometimes I just wake up and I have the same feeling of being starved of blood. I guess there's never been anyone here to try and get blood from before."

"That's horrid," I said, without thinking. "I mean, the blood thing." A shiver ran down my spine. All mine was emotional, but I couldn't imagine actually _feeling_.

"It doesn't happen that often. Waking up and talking it out seems helps, anyway. Maybe the field experience will be therapeutic."

I gestured for him to pass me the water and took a sip myself. "Hopefully. I think I probably need a lot of therapy."

We chuckled together, and Christian stretched, looking more like himself again. I had the sudden, stupid urge to run my hand through his hair. It had been knotted to the point of no return from writhing around in his nightmare.

Passing him back the water, I got off the bed. Now wasn't the time to replay the face he'd pulled when he'd seen me orgasm. This was the worst time. When we were sat, in the dark, being civil and honest with each other instead of snarky and insulting. When he was wearing a short sleeved shirt for the first time since I'd known him and I could see the defined muscle in his arm.

Shit, this was definitely the worst time.

"We should go back to sleep," I said, voice neutral. "Class starts again tomorrow."

Christian made a non-committal hum. "I suppose so. Thanks for waking me up."

"No worries."

I snugged back into my comforter on the hard floor, and held in a sigh.

Sometime soon, I'd erase Christian's intense, aroused stare from my mind.


	6. Chapter 6

**Six**

 _Christian_

I still wasn't sure how I'd ended up sat on a couch with a plastic cup of vodka and coke in my hand. Rose sat beside me, legs folded under herself in a dress that was too short for comfort, sipping her own drink.

Every so often my gaze would slip down and take in the full length of her legs, and I knew I'd made a big mistake. The answer should have been to stop drinking so that I didn't lose my inhibitions, but drowning out my sudden attraction seemed a lot more appealing.

It was her face, haunting my vision. We were back in a dorm in the middle of the night, sat in the back of the room where no one was paying attention.

Rose could be sat on my lap right now, her body taut with the same raw pleasure I'd witnessed just a week before.

 _Shit_ , she was talking to me, and I had no idea what she was saying. Her lips moved, and I had to force myself not to watch them. I leant closer. "I can't hear you, the music's too loud."

"Oh, right." She budged closer to me, our sides pressed completely against each other now. Heat pooled in my belly, and I swallowed hard. I was just drunk, and obviously Rose was attractive. This was nothing new. Nothing special. "I was just saying that I'm sorry for dragging you along, I know this is probably the last place you want to be."

Rose had warned me: this was the party full of single people who were here to drink and make out and nothing more. And so far it was living up to what she'd said. The dancing was crude grinding, and every corner was filled with couples.

I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about it. With Rose practically latched onto my side, my mind was blank of just about all things.

"I don't mind. You don't have to sit and talk to me all night, by the way." I'd seen Rose at the last party, and at plenty before that when Liss had dragged me along. She wasn't shy about being with guys.

"I want to," she assured me with a quick smile. My pulse raced. "I don't always come just to be a slut, honest. I'm always up for an excuse to drink."

She'd been drinking a lot since Spokane, and I couldn't blame her. I'd been doing the same, to a lesser extent. "Me too. I need to go and find someone who can sneak some in for me on a more regular basis than stealing people's at parties."

Rose laughed, running a hand through her hair and causing her skirt to rise just a tiny bit higher. "I can be your alcohol dealer. I get Adrian to buy for me."

"It's a deal." My gaze was lingering too long. I needed to cool down a bit. "I'll go get us another drink."

Away from Rose and her undeniable presence, I poured us a drink each. It'd been happening too much lately, me having the wandering eye. I couldn't turn back into a horny teenager now my feelings for Liss had dwindled, and her best friend was the worst possible person to be lusting after. I at least had to control myself. I was doing well so far. I hadn't so much as laid a finger on Rose, even as she pressed herself against my side and her breath tickled my ear so we could talk over the loud music.

Did she even have any idea what she was doing to me?

Probably not. She was Liss's best friend. As far as she was concerned, everything was completely platonic between us. Of course it was.

Back on the couch, Rose hadn't been joined by anyone like I expected. She sat with her head leant back, eyes shut. I let myself get a good look at her before sitting down and disturbing her. After my initial hatred of Rose Hathaway had subsided, I'd been forced to admit how attractive she was.

Normally it was a simple thought, _Rose looks good today._ It didn't normally send my cock hard just to see a bit of her legs exposed.

It was that face. I'd seen her come, and I couldn't forget it.

"Here." I passed her the drink.

"Liss is going to be so pissed I brought you to this party," Rose told me, readjusting herself so that we could hear each other again: her chest pressed against my arm, though she seemed completely nonchalant to it.

Surprisingly Liss wasn't the overbearing type when it came to things like that, but then again, I was never invited to things without her. "Why?"

"Because you've been getting so much attention."

I arched a brow, and Rose's expression changed for a second, a faraway look taking over her face. She brought herself out of it almost instantly though, like normal. "I have?"

She chuckled. "Are you blind? I've counted at least three girls who look tempted to come up to you."

Apparently I was. "Oh. Well, they know I'm with Liss, anyway."

"True. But they also never know what you're willing to get up to behind closed doors."

"I guess I shouldn't be too surprised if everyone thinks I'm an asshole like that."

She grinned up at me, sipping on her drink. "Everyone wonders it about everyone. They think you're attractive and they're drunk, and you're drunk, so they're at least considering coming to chat to you. I think Liss's potential wrath might be scary enough to ward them off, though."

"I think they might be more scared of you in the more immediate sense."

Rose gave me a sly smirk. She must know what she was doing, sending that sultry look in my direction. "I'm nice as pie."

"So who would you go for, if I wasn't here cockblocking you?" I looked around the room at the mix of Moroi and Dhampir.

Rose followed suit, scouting out the room. "You're not cockblocking me, I told you I'm mainly here for the vodka." She tapped her fingers against her plastic cup, gaze still combing the dorm. "I think I'd go for, hmm." Rose turned away from the crowd to look up at me, and words died on her tongue. She bit her lip for a second, before blinking twice. "Erm, that guy over there."

It took me a minute to break the heated gaze and follow her finger. "I don't know him."

"Yeah, me neither. That's normally a bonus."

"What do you get out of making out with random guys?" It wasn't something I'd ever done, despite Rose's claims that people here would be willing.

Her face blazed in my mind. The physical aspect of it was obvious.

"Distraction," she answered without hesitation.

I could see the appeal of that.

"And is watching a distraction?"

I could see it in her eyes that I'd asked the wrong question, that I'd let it slip. That I'd brought up the thing I'd been trying to push away ever since it happened.

 _Kind of trying_ , anyway. When I wasn't getting hard over it during my morning shower, or late at night when it haunted my thoughts.

And now I'd brought it up, in front of her, when she was pressed against me in that flimsy dress and we'd both had too much to drink.

Her lips were still at my ear to be heard over the music when she replied. "It's never as good as the real thing."

A shudder ran down my spine and the heat went straight to my cock.

 _Fuck_.

We turned, met each other's heated gaze and leant forward. She was so close her breaths, getting slowly more rapid, warmed my face. I could see the small flecks of amber in her brown eyes.

We stopped at the same time, too. When my lips had barely brushed against hers and my heart had practically stopped.

She cleared her throat and stood up. I did the same.

"I think we've probably partied enough," I tried to joke, but it was awkward, and we walked back to my dorm in silence.

She was still there though, right beside me.

We both wanted each other.

I'd never hated Lissa like I hated her in that moment.

Back in my room, we took it in turns to use the bathroom. Rose went first, and when I was finished she was already curled up on the floor, facing the other way. I slipped under my covers, and wished I could have offered her the other side of my bed. To be comfier, if nothing else.

There was a tense silence.

I laid in bed, cock still hard, and focused on her quiet breaths. They were still faster than normal, and I dared to believe she was imaging fucking me just like I was imagining fucking her.

It could still happen. All she had to do was move two feet, get into my bed, and kiss me.

But it wouldn't. It never would. I had a girlfriend, and that girlfriend was her best friend.

And what we had was lust. Intense, dark lust that I longed to live out more than anything. Intense, dark lust that absolutely wasn't worth risking the destruction of the Moroi to my mother's arm because of.

I turned away from her, too, and ignored my erection.

"Night, Rose." It was a dejected statement of resignation. I wouldn't mention this in the morning, and neither would she.

"Night, Christian." Hers was just as disappointed.

He shut his eyes, and dreams of a completely different kind to normal taunted him all night. They came in the form of a brunette Dhampir telling him that the real thing was always better.


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven**

 _Rose_

The five of them stood huddled by the private runway. Alberta looked the most displeased of all.

I was sure I heard her mutter something about the stuck-up Queen interfering, and tried to hide my smirk.

The Queen had all-but demanded Lissa be present for a Royal Ball she was hosting at Court. If Lissa was going, that meant she got a plus-one, which meant Christian. And because it was the field experience, that meant me and Eddie, too. Adrian was invited, and so he was flying with us.

I stuck by Christian's side because it was my role as a guardian, not because I craved any kind of contact I could get with him, even if it was just a brushing of his arm against mine as he waited impatiently for them to be allowed to board.

He was hiding his distaste for the entire situation surprisingly well, though, I had to admit. He'd kept his mouth shut around me, too, never saying what was clearly on his mind when Liss had announced their little visit. He lied to my face and said he was looking forward to it.

That was when I'd definitely known he was dreading the whole thing.

I understood why he was doing it, though. This would be the first place to make their agenda known.

Tomorrow night, Liss would be bringing Moroi's using magic even closer to the forefront of Moroi politics.

The ski lodge had been one thing, but then people got on with their lives and the hype died down. The hype around Liss had only grown, and so her opinions would be gossiped about day-in and day-out.

She had an arm looped around Christian's, and they looked every bit the royal couple.

Complete opposites, with her silver hair and genuine smile, him dark and brooding with his forced smile.

They were both gorgeous.

I tried to push my thoughts away, and turned from Christian.

What had happened at the party was a drunken nothing. It hadn't been mentioned since, and it never would be.

We were just Rose and Christian, begrudging partners in the field experience.

At best, friends who respected each other.

Lust didn't factor into it.

The heated gazes we sometimes gave each other without realising it, that made me wet in a heartbeat, were nothing.

The door to the plane opened, and we filtered on.

I took my seat next to Christian, and in the tiny space, our thighs were pressed completely against each other.

I swallowed, and didn't look at him. Lissa poked her nose through the gap in our seats and giggled. "I love flying."

"But it's just sitting in a seat for a few hours," Christian said, eyebrows knitting slightly.

"But it's about the fact you're going somewhere. I'm always excited because I know I'm going to be doing something exciting when I land."

"I guess that makes sense."

Despite her apparent excitement, Liss stuck her earbuds in and fell asleep within ten minutes of them taking off. Eddie did the same.

"Is your Aunt going to be at this royal get together?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"No. I'd be a lot more excited if she was. This is for the upper echelons only, so she wasn't invited."

"I bet you feel so privileged to be going." I was pushing his buttons mercilessly, and he knew it.

He refused to respond though. His lip tightened, and he stared me down. "Of course."

God, what I'd give to have him take out that frustration in bed with me.

"Well, I'm not going to lie." I looked at him pointedly, but he didn't even wince. "I can't say I'm looking forward to this at all. I know all I'll be doing it standing along the back wall, but watching stuffy royals be stuck-up with each other is going to be such a drag. At least if it was a massive get together there'd be more to people to people-watch."

He stretched and took a subtle look behind him to see how Lissa was doing. I took the chance to peek at the small band of skin above his trousers the stretching had revealed.

The guilt was going to hit me soon, _hard_ , but for now I was too consumed with the need to fuck him that I hadn't dared to think about what a shitty best friend I was being.

But I wasn't acting on it. They were just thoughts. I was never _going_ to act on it. If we hadn't fucked after that party, when we were drunk, horny and there was no chance of anyone finding out, why would we ever do it at some other time?

"It's only a few hours. I'm sure we can make it through."

"Was that a hint at the fact you're absolutely dreading this? Surely not." I grinned at him.

His face was hard for a second, before he shook his head and laughed. "This stuff is my worst nightmare."

"Seriously, though, it will only be a few hours. If the Queen sees Lissa again whilst we're here it'll just be them talking alone."

"I know, and I know it's important, too, with my mom and everything." He frowned. "I wonder if the Queen even knows about that. I wonder what exactly Kirova has done with the knowledge of our impending doom."

"The Queen will know," I said. "I mean, she has to. Surely. Hopefully that'll make her more sympathetic to the cause when Liss starts talking about it."

"I think it's more likely that the Queen will employ every tactic available to get her to take the opposite view."

"And there's not a chance in hell she'll listen. Liss knows her own mind."

"I know that," Christian bristled. "I just mean that it's not going to go as smoothly as you make it sound."

"True. I'm not very good at being optimistic, I should go back to being the killjoy."

"I think we're both better in that role."

They lapsed into silence, and I enjoyed the feel of him against me.

There it was, the guilt beginning to rear its head. Talking about Liss and then going straight on to imagining fucking her boyfriend. The boyfriend I had another five weeks living in the same bedroom with. Who I'd almost kissed at a party.

I was a bitch.

And so was he.

But we hadn't kissed. It was a near miss, and near misses didn't count for anything.


	8. Chapter 8

_Thank you so much for the reviews everyone! I really love reading them, and I've really been enjoying writing this so far, so it's always nice to hear what you're thinking!_

* * *

 **Eight**

 _Christian_

I adjusted my suit and tie in the mirror and held in a sigh. So Rose had finally gotten me to admit it; had seen straight through me.

It wasn't really too surprising.

Lissa was getting ready behind me. I was still sharing a room with Rose at Court, but we thought it easier to get ready in different rooms. Eddie and Rose were sitting about in some standard Guardian uniforms whilst I had to spend an hour watching Lissa straighten her hair and apply makeup.

It took me approximately five minutes to give my hair a ruffle and slip into some clothes.

When she was finally finished, Lissa stood next to me, looping her arm through mine. "Okay, let's go."

Rose and Eddie were waiting outside the door to escort us.

I tried not to look at her too hard. She wasn't even wearing anything glamorous, just a pair of black slacks and a white blouse, and yet I was far more inclined to stare at her than the beautiful girlfriend I had on my arm.

It was stupid.

But spending time with Lissa was even harder after mine and Rose's near miss at the party.

Now it was real. Tangible. She felt it too.

She wanted to fuck as badly as I did.

And that meant every second was filled with tension.

I almost let myself believe the logic that it would have been better to just get it out of our systems. Fuck once and be done with it. Liss would never have to know.

Then I remembered that I wasn't a complete asshole, and shoved that late night idea to the back of my mind, and tried to will away my erection.

In the ballroom, the put off stares at me were negated by the excitement to meet and speak to Liss. I stayed quiet, shaking hands and introducing myself just as _Christian_ before letting Liss work her magic.

Rose was stood against the back wall, and more than a few times we caught each other staring.

It was a stupid game they were playing.

A game they wouldn't be playing at all if it weren't for the field experience.

Liss started pushing her agenda they second they got in there. "I was thinking about our discussions at the ski lodge again the other day," she said to a silver-haired man I didn't recognise. "About the importance of using our magic for the greater good. For using it offensively."

I longed to join in, to give the same rhetoric Tasha gave. I had it memorised off by heart, the way she said it, the words she used.

But I'd make Lissa look worse. She could handle it alone, stand tall and gain the respect that she needed.

The Queen looked just as unimpressed by Lissa's performance tonight as I'd expected. She was gracious, of course, and no one could deny that Lissa was the one steering the room in terms of conversation, but the conversation wasn't what the Queen wanted at all.

I stayed out of it, and longed to go and speak to Rose.

She'd been alert at the beginning, but now she just looked ready to drop to sleep, gaze focused on one point on the opposite side of the room and unblinking.

By the time it was all over, everyone had had enough. Even Lissa. The crowd had been small, and it meant talking to the same people over and over again. There'd been champagne that I'd had to force myself to avoid, otherwise there would have been no controlling my mouth.

I'd seen Rose eyeing the waiters who carried the trays of flutes around with them, too.

Unsurprisingly, Liss and I had been put in room on opposite sides of Court. Liss's accommodation was situated near the Royal residency, and mine and Rose's near the outskirts, in one of the less pretty buildings.

I didn't care. It meant as soon as we left the building, we split up. Liss placed a quick peck on my lips, and I realised I should have been the one doing that. My romantic notions towards Liss were all forced now.

Nothing seemed to come naturally there.

We split, and Rose and I were left to walk side-by-side back to our room. "I'm impressed you didn't touch the champagne," Rose said, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. The blouse wasn't very thick, but I didn't have a suit jacket on to offer her.

I definitely couldn't just wrap an arm around her shoulder and bring her into the side of my body like I wanted.

"Me too. When that awful Lazar woman talked for twenty minutes about Lissa's dress I so nearly caved. It would have been a very bad downward spiral, though."

"Yeah, you definitely would have ended up swearing at the Queen, and I don't think there would have been any coming back from that."

We both laughed, hurrying our pace to get out of the cold.

In the lobby, the woman on reception stopped us. "Ah, Mr. Ozera. You've got a letter waiting here."

All our laughter died as the woman handed over an envelope with the scrawled words _Christian Ozera_ on it. I thanked her in a mumble, and Rose and I walked back to our room in silence.

Inside, we both perched on the end of the double bed.

I didn't waste any time, and ripped the envelope open, revealing more pictures. My mom, drinking blood, in all of them. There was no scenery, nothing to identify where they might be, just gore. Just humans, Dhampirs and Moroi being drained, and probably turned.

I could have been sick.

Rose pressed a hand to her mouth from where she sat beside me, and shook her head. "That's horrific."

I shoved the pictures to the side. This one didn't even come with a note.

"For fuck sake," I said, turning them upside so I definitely wouldn't catch another glimpse. "I just want it to be over and done with."

My memories of my mom were already bad, but slowly the times I remember her brushing my hair, reading bed time stories to me, were slowly fading. It was impossible to think of her without seeing blood. Her mouth at someone's neck. The small part of my childhood that had been good dissolved more with every note I got.

I wanted to rip them up, but Kirova would need to see them.

"I know," Rose said as I laid back, staring up at the blank ceiling, my heart pounding. I didn't even know what I felt. Rage. Disgust. A deep, dark sadness that pulled at my motivation to do anything.

"I don't know why it feels so bad. I know what she is. I've known what she is nearly all my life. The fact I have these good memories that I try and hold onto is stupid anyway, because they're not real. She was evil, even when she was kind to me. It's just… I don't know."

Rose stared at me, and the indecision was clear on her face. There was sympathy there, too, but not the overbearing type that riled me in Liss. It was bleak on Rose. More sad than sympathetic.

"I don't know what to say," she finally said, a long sigh leaving her mouth. "I don't…" she stopped, voice catching, and I blinked, pushing myself up on my elbows.

"You okay?"

"I mean, not really. Everything is shit."

I laughed, laying back down. "Yeah, I guess it really is."

We laughed together for a minute, both a bit hysterical.

She lay down beside me. We didn't touch, just lay, and stared at the ceiling, together. "Do you want me to start checking your mail so you don't have to see them? I feel like, as your Guardian, that could definitely be part of my duties."

I chuckled. "That's okay. I'll deal with it." I doubted Rose wanted to see them anymore than I did.

"This room has no distractions," I complained, grabbing the TV remote from the bedside table and turning it on. It was barely big enough to see from where I moved to sit against the headboard.

"And no second bed," Rose complained. "I'm in full-belief that the Queen did this to spite me, so that I had to sleep on the floor."

"So spite her back and sleep in the bed." I rolled my eyes as I said it, the reality of what I was saying barely even registering until it was too late. This wasn't just Rose my hate-friend. This was Rose the girl who I'd almost kissed the other night.

But I didn't take it back.

She laughed, though, crawling up to join me against the headboard. "Probably a bad idea. I kick in my sleep and I'm definitely stronger than you. You'd be better of actually setting up a bed on the floor if you want to go that route."

Whilst we bantered, I realised I'd been wrong.

There was a distraction in the room.

Rose was the only distraction I needed.


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you so much for the reviews everyone! They mean a lot. I love, love, loved writing this chapter so I'd love to hear what you think, too!_

 _Also sorry for the late update, my internet was down for a solid 48 hours._

* * *

 **Nine**

 _Rose_

The scene was familiar. A rundown basement. Christian, Mia, Mason and Eddie in their respective chairs.

Dimitri was there, too. He always was.

The reality of what had happened didn't matter, because in my nightmare, it was all so real.

Isaiah went one-by-one, killing them all in inventive ways. Mia got a punch to the heart so hard it went straight through her chest, then he used the same bloody hand to wrap around Mason's throat and choke the life out of him. Eddie's head was taken between his hands and twisted until there was a sickening crack. Dimitri's punishment was boring today. Isaiah pulled a gun from his belt and shot him in the chest. The crack of the bullet ricocheted around the room, ringing in my ears.

And that left Christian.

It was always Christian who got killed last nowadays.

Because he was the only one left in real life, too, sharing my misery. He was the only one who drank with me, who had dead eyes as he watched life passing him by.

Eddie was trying. He was recovering properly. Like someone should.

Christian allowed himself to self-destruct to some extent too.

The memory of him waking me up, trying to bite me, was at the forefront of my mind even mid-nightmare.

He understood.

And so his death was worst.

It used to be Dimitri, Isaiah would always give him the most gruesome, slow death.

Now Christian got it, seated directly opposite me, watching me with those normally sardonic blue eyes that now only held a dead stare.

I struggled against my restraints for the first time, opened my mouth but no words came out. _Take me instead_ , I tried to scream. _Not him. Not Christian_.

But Isaiah killed him.

Just like always.

He drained him of blood, letting me watch the life literally be sucked out of him. Eventually Christian's gaze couldn't meet me anymore, as his body slumped in the chair. Tears leaked from my eyes as his skin turned paper white.

And then Isaiah was finished, pulling his head back with Christian's blood all around his mouth.

He started walking towards my struggling form, but he never reached me.

I was pulled out of the dream by someone shaking my shoulders. I shoved at them, trying desperately to get away from the hot grip, but then I heard his voice. "Rose, calm down. Just a nightmare." His voice was thick with sleep, and I forced myself to breathe.

We were in bed together, the TV still playing in the background and casting a dim glow over the room.

I stared up at Christian, at his flushed cheeks and stare that held more than just subdued resignation, and my heart pounded. "Fuck," I muttered, reaching up and feeling hot streaks on my face. I wiped away the tears hastily. "Sorry."

"You were screaming my name."

I flushed. "You tend to feature in my Spokane-induced nightmares," I admitted, laying back down. My body shook, and I could see the worry in Christian's expression. We were close enough that he could feel it.

"Want to talk about it?" Christian settled back down, his head resting against the pillow. Our legs were tangled together, but neither moved them. It should have been trapping, but the heat was reassuring, and I just wanted to get rid of the bloody images from my mind.

"It's always the same. We're in the basement, you, me, Eddie, Mason, Mia, Dimitri, and—"

"Dimitri's there?"

"Ah, yeah." I'd slipped up. "Since he left right after Spokane he's kind of lumped in there, I guess. My dream-self doesn't seem to appreciate actual memories very much." I hoped I'd played it off well enough. "Anyway, Isaiah goes through and kills everyone. All gory and gruesome." A chill ran down my spine, and tears stung in my eyes. One fell, and I hastily wiped it away.

Christian moved, wrapping his arms fully around me, so that we were spooning. "It wasn't real."

"Mostly wasn't real." I sighed, and snuggled further into him, despite everything screaming at me not to. "It's just so graphic. It feels so real."

"I know." And he did know. And that was why he was always the one who got to die last.

Christian unwrapped his arm from me for a second to grab the TV remote and turn it off. Cold danced at my back in his absence, and I shut my eyes, hating myself.

"Christian?" I asked, not sure what I even wanted to say.

He returned to me, wrapping his arm around my stomach more tightly than before. "Yes?"

I swallowed, turning over a million questions in my head. "Do you think we'll be okay?"

He buried his face into my hair and breathed deeply. "I don't know."

I pressed my hand over his, and felt the tears in my eyes again. "I don't know either."

There was nothing sexual in our hold. Just comforting. Closeness. An understanding.

"Look how the mighty have fallen," he chuckled, and the movement reverberated through me.

"Mmm," I made a noise of discontent. "At least we've fallen together. I feel both better and worse knowing that someone else is just as fucked as me."

"I definitely feel better. I'm a selfish piece of shit, and I know it."

Which was why they were in this situation in the first place. Lying in bed together pretending that because it wasn't sexual, it was okay. "Me too," I agreed. There was a lapse into silence, and then, "I wish I had something to drink."

They laughed together, and Rose turned around in his arms, snuggling into his side as he moved to lay on his back. Christian's arm remained protectively around her waist. "The nightmares will stop soon," he told me, thumb brushing against the bare skin of my back that was revealed in this position. "They'll just fade away eventually."

"I hope so, too. That means yours will, as well."

"Mine have been getting worse, with this stuff with my mom." He lifted a shoulder in a shrug, and I tightened my grip on him. "But when she finally makes her attack, kills my friends, and I end up surviving, alone, I'm sure they'll fade away eventually." His voice was bleak, and it sent chills down her spine.

"That's not how it'll happen."

"I'm not going to be able to keep going if she kills you, Rose."

He felt it, too, the sense of us being in it together. The only ones who understood. If I was gone, and vice versa, it would be back to try solitude.

I got as close to him as possible, burying my face in his neck and daring to press a singular kiss to his pale skin. "I'm not going anywhere." I swallowed, and wished that I could see his ice blue eyes. "But I wouldn't be able to do it, either. If you died."

We fell asleep like that, pressed completely against each other, unwilling to let go, as though just losing skin-to-skin contact would be the same as death.

And when we woke up, we disentangled and didn't talk about it.

It hadn't happened.

The heart-to-heart we shared stayed in our minds, the reassuring feeling of being wrapped up with the one person who knew would never be forgotten, but it wouldn't happen again, either.

We'd done it. We'd made it clear that we needed each other.

And that meant not fucking anything up further.

We needed each other as friends.

Just friends.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ten**

 _Rose_

The next few days were uneventful. We flew back from Court. Had class. No nightmares. No heart-to-hearts, and certainly no more contact than necessary.

It was pleasant, actually.

My intense lust had begun to die down, replaced with something deeper. I'd been unable to face it before, just how much I'd found myself tied to Christian in the time after Spokane. It had seemed so natural that I'd never even questioned it when Christian was the only person I actually spoke about what had happened to.

One day, soon after Dimitri had left, Christian and I had found ourselves walking to lunch together, and the words had almost left my mouth because I'd known Christian would have been able to make me feel better.

Just like he would have told me about the letters.

It was Liss that stopped us. The fact we were both unwilling to tell Liss things, but also unwilling to tell each other and betray her.

And then Tasha and Dimitri landed.

My numbness was even worse than before. Even talking to Christian became difficult.

The night before, there were no parties, and I was so restless I couldn't get to sleep for hours.

We sat in her cabin now, all of us, minus Adrian. I sat between Lissa and Tasha, staring straight ahead and forcing myself to remain composed. I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't, because Dimitri was happy, and that was a good thing.

He was trying to hide it behind his guardian mask now because I was here, and he still cared about me, but I saw the way his eyes glistened when he looked at Tasha. Saw the adoration in his eyes.

She made him happy, and that made me happy, but it also made me so hollow I could barely breathe. I smiled at all the right jokes, even as they passed through me without registering. I followed Christian's cues, mainly, from where he was sat opposite me. When he smiled, I smiled. When he frowned, I frowned.

That was the easiest way to do it.

And then we were standing up, and leaving. Christian and Lissa walked together ahead of me, hand-in-hand, and both were grinning.

It was lethargic, seeing Christian happy.

Almost exactly the same as seeing Dimitri happy.

And I wasn't going to take that happiness away from Christian whilst his Aunt was visiting. He deserved it.

I'd put on my fake smile, and I'd pretend to be normal because that would let him enjoy the reprieve of being around the person who loved him unconditionally.

Only, as soon as we'd separated and gone back to his room for bed, he rounded on me. "What's going on?"

"What are you talking about?"

He leant against the door, eyeing me. "You're a shell, Rose. You're working on autopilot. I don't understand, with my Aunt, what's the matter?"

I ran my hands through my hair and shut my eyes, running through all my options. "I really don't want to burden you," I said, hating the weakness in my voice. "Just enjoy your week with your Aunt, I'm really fine."

Christian pushed off from the wall and sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at me with his puppy dog face. I wasn't sure it was one I'd ever seen before: all big blue eyes and a pout.

My defence withered away almost immediately, but it was because of what I saw in those eyes. He wouldn't be able to enjoy himself when he was wondering what was wrong with me anyway. He'd seen through my apparently poor attempt of being a normal human being in Dimitri's presence.

Which was terrifying, because everyone else in that room had bought it easily, but Christian knew me too well.

I took a seat beside him on the bed. I couldn't look at him when I said it. "I was in love with Dimitri, before he left to be with Tasha."

There was a moment of silence, and I dared to look at him. He was frowning, as though trying to put together all the little pieces that he'd somehow missed. "I wasn't expecting that."

My lips quirked. "Yeah. If only I could have hidden my depression better and this could have been avoided." I groaned, clenching my hands into fists for a moment then releasing them. "I'd wanted to avoid this so badly. I can't put the burden of not telling Liss on to you. I have to tell her."

"I can keep a secret from Lissa." He practically cringed as he said it, and I shook my head.

"I'll tell her. It's no big deal. It's something I should have done months and months ago anyway."

Christian was looking guilty for making me tell him, and he shook his head. "I'm still surprised I never even guessed. Does no one else know?"

"Adrian knows. He overheard something he shouldn't at the Ski Lodge. I guess maybe your Aunt knows, too. I'd probably rather not know about that one way or the other." I ran a hand over my face. "Maybe now your pity from Liss will balance out with mine, anyway."

"I'm sorry you've got to be around my Aunt and Belikov so much this week. I can try and cut it down a bit, but we haven't even spoken about my mom and everything yet."

"What? No, you should see her as much as you want. I can deal with it, I promise. I'm really not that pathetic."

"You know I don't think you're pathetic." We sat side-by-side, our arms barely brushing against each other as we spoke, and it was somehow reassuring. The most alive I'd felt since Dimitri got here. "I just don't want to make it worse."

"I can deal with it if you're happy." I rolled my eyes and groaned. "Fucking hell, we've started sounding like some kind of old married couple. This has really got to stop. Where are the insults I was so fond of?"

Christian turned to me with one of the biggest smiles I'd seen in a long time. His eyes glistened, and he showed his fangs without a second thought. My breathing hitched, and for a moment I was hypnotised. "I'm sure we can get back to that when life gets less stressful."


	11. Chapter 11

**Eleven**

 _Christian_

I should have been listening to what my Aunt was saying. This was about my mom, about our plans, and yet my gaze kept straying to Rose and her almost impressive way of hiding everything she felt.

It was just the four of us in my Aunt's cabin, and her and Belikov had kept quiet for the most part. She'd been staring ahead like a perfect guardian, contributing when she needed to and smiling in all the right places. Belikov kept to himself as well, and I hated that. How could he just sit there with that blank look on his face as if he wasn't putting Rose through hell? As if he hadn't just abandoned her?

"So, there's plenty of conferences, balls, and the like coming up. I know it's not your thing, God knows it isn't mine, but we have to attend. Vasilisa will be such a spectacle, and I know I can be there to follow in her wake and make people listen to the truth."

I nodded, forcing my gaze not to flick to Rose once more. Lissa was the last person I wanted to talk about, but this was the whole reason I was staying with her. Because my Aunt was right. "How long do you think it would take to start Moroi training and for it to be effective? I mean, if The Queen had a sudden change of heart tomorrow."

She shifted in her chair. "Maybe a few months before there was any noticeable difference. I mean, Moroi already have training in magic, so making that magic offensive isn't such a long process as you might think."

But we both knew the truth: The Queen wasn't going to have a sudden change of heart tomorrow. This was an issue that would take years and years before any real shift in attitudes was taken. "And how long do you think it'll be before my mom attacks?"

"It's impossible to know that," my Aunt said, shrugging her shoulder. "All we can do is be as prepared as possible."

She didn't need to be prepared at all: she was going to be in her house in the middle of a human city, and that would stop her being attacked by the Strigoi when they came. Unless my mom was making a special effort to target her, too, but my Aunt had received no letters or threats.

St. Vladimir's was the one getting attacked, at least if they planned on attacking before the end of the school year, which was still three months away.

My Aunt's phone buzzed, interrupting the conversation, and she looked at me apologetically. "This is important. Do you mind if we cut this short? I think I'll probably be around at St. Vlad's a while, so we've got plenty of time."

I couldn't stop my glance towards Rose now, but she had no reaction at all. Her face was as stoic as ever, but I could see her attempt as reassurance when she met my eyes. She was hurting, badly, and my rage towards Belikov returned. "No problem." I hoped I hid my anger even half as well as Rose did. "I'll see you around."

Belikov stood, too. "I need to go and speak to Alberta about what rounds I'll be doing," he said.

The three of us stepped out of the cabin together, and I racked my brains for something I could do to distract Rose. Belikov spoke first, though. "Rose, can I speak to you for a moment?"

My body tensed. "She'll get into trouble if she's not guarding me." It was true, and a good excuse. Rose and always been complaining that Belikov was a stickler for the rules. Maybe he'd give up and leave her alone now.

He considered me for a moment before sighing. "Yes, you're right," he said. He gave Rose one more long look, which had my blood boiling, and then set off back towards campus.

"Come on," I told Rose. "Let's go practice some magic. It's been forever since I did that." Since before the field experience began, even. I'd been so pre-occupied with everything that I'd not gotten around to it for ages.

"He's not that bad, you know. I mean, he didn't really do anything wrong. I just take things like a pathetic piece of shit."

"He just left you. Who does that to someone they care about?" I was being a complete hypocrite and I knew it. It was a break-up, it happened all the time. If it wasn't for extenuating, I'd have dumped Lissa weeks ago and she'd have been devastated.

But it was different because it was Rose, and I couldn't quite deal with seeing her like this.

"It would have been a bad idea for him to stay. We weren't good for each other, and our situation definitely wasn't good for us. It's better this way, even if it doesn't look like it yet. What would the point of him being here, but us not being able to be together, be? It would have been harder, I think. Now I can just move on."

"Well, you would be able to if I wasn't dragging you around to see him day-in, day-out."

Rose grinned at me: a real grin that made my heart pound. "I might be a little bit pathetic, but I can really deal with this. Besides, it makes you feel guilty and then I get to watch you do magic, so I'm really happy with this arrangement."

This time it was a flirty nudge in the shoulder, and I hated the urge to wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her into my side.

There we went, playing with fire again. As though we could just keep doing this and neither was eventually going to get burnt.

She'd said it herself about the situation with Belikov, and now we were putting ourselves in the exact same place.

It could only hurt.


	12. Chapter 12

_This was a pretty fun chapter to write! I think the romance and the angst is going to start ramping up soon, so the pace might pick up a bit in the next ten or so chapters. I'm kind of a sucker for slow-burn dragged out things, so I hope this pace isn't ridiculously slow for everyone._

 _And thank you so much for the reviews! I love reading every single one of them._

* * *

 **Twelve**

 _Rose_

I was going to have to speak to Dimitri eventually, there was no avoiding the conversation where he'd apologise and I'd pretend that everything was fine. I'd explain that I knew why he did it, that I agreed that it was the right thing to do, and miss out the part where it still hurt to see him making eyes at Tasha across the cabin.

I hated that I couldn't be happy for him. I'd never meant to become this bitter person.

Spokane was what had hurt me more, though. Spokane had made Dimitri's departure a thousand times more painful.

"We haven't drunk for a while," Christian said, flicking through a textbook where they were sat in the library. "Do you think the fact I miss it means I have a problem?"

He was leaning against a radiator, and I sat beside him, our arms pressed together. It didn't look like anything to might have seen us, but having him there beside me meant everything, and we both knew it. "I miss the distraction," I agreed, unable to focus on the book I was trying to read. Christian still had normal lessons, so he had to study.

"My Aunt is staying indefinitely," he told me, waiting for a flinch that I never gave. "She text me last night to say so."

"Her and Dimitri will be a big help if your mom does attack campus," I said, ignoring everything else about the whole arrangement. "And I'm glad she'll be around." For his sake, I was. Christian needed his family around to remind him that he still had a family when his mom was going out of her way to hurt him.

Christian put the book down and leant his head back against the radiator. "I bet you're cursing Alberta."

I smiled, resisting the urge to lean my own head back, against his. "You're who I'd have chosen for the field experience if I had a choice, even knowing about Tasha and Dimitri coming to stay."

"Do you think we're bad people?" he asked, turning to look at me. His big blue eyes met mine, and the fire crackled between us.

We kept letting ourselves do this, skirt the line of what was acceptable. Telling him that I'd rather spend time with him than my best friend: that wasn't acceptable. "I'm definitely a bad person. I don't think that you are."

"And I'd have said it the other way around."

"I think we're probably both bad people, rather than both being good." I settled further into his side, not caring about the consequences in that moment. It was always easier to not care in the moment.

When Liss and Eddie rounded the corner and I had to straighten myself again, the consequences came rushing back. Liss beamed at us, taking a seat beside Christian and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Eddie was watching his, eyes always alert, and I knew he hadn't missed how close we were sitting.

I also knew he wouldn't have thought anything of it, because we were friends, and Christian was going out with Liss, my best friend.

"Hey guys," she chorused. Christian and I couldn't separate each other now without it looking awkward, and it felt so wrong, having him there when we knew what it meant to one another. He moved slightly, his arm pressing harder against mine so that he could turn to speak to Liss, and a shiver of heat ran up my spine.

I'd been right. I was definitely a bad person.

"Hey, Liss."

"Guess what? I just got an email from the Queen. Well, from the Queen's secretary."

I felt Christian tense, but he didn't show it. "What about?"

"There's going to be a conference here at the Academy, about your mom's threats. About offensive magic and all that stuff."

That actually made Christian's ears perk up, and mine did the same. Maybe they were really serious about tackling this threat before it became a real problem. This was Lissa and Tasha's time to shine, and I knew they could make it work. They could convince the masses.

He grabbed his phone from his pocket. "Oh yeah, I have a text from my Aunt about it. That's really exciting."

"We're really going to make a difference," she beamed. "And your Aunt will be the star of the show."

We all knew that Lissa was the star of every show. "So it's just a conference? No dancing and tuxedos?" Christian checked, settling back down into his seat beside me. His eyes flicked to mine for just a second, but we didn't let anything slip.

Guilt curled in my stomach, but I still didn't move away. I needed him there beside me, with that comforting warmth reminding me that he cared. It didn't matter that we were skirting a line—it didn't matter that I wanted him more than anything—because at this point I felt sure that I needed him just to survive. I could live without the love, without the affection or the sex, but I needed him to be there as my friend.

Liss flushed guiltily. "It takes a bit of extravagance to get Royals gathered together, you know that. I think they're planning some kind of dance, for students and royals. It won't be anything big, though. Nothing too stressful, since all the non-royals and novices are going to be there, too."

I almost wanted to raise my eyebrows at how callous that sounded coming from her mouth, but it was only the truth.

She leant around Christian to grin at me. "So we get to go dress shopping!"

That should have excited me, but everything had a grey tarnish nowadays. The fact I was more excited by a potential after-party should have been a warning sign about my psyche. "Nice," I said, trying to fake some enthusiasm.

Lissa frowned. "Are you okay?"

I still hadn't told her about Dimitri. Maybe this should have been the right time. I took a deep breath and told Eddie to huddle so no one would overhear. "Look, I know this is a stupid time to tell you guys, and I should have told you all earlier, but I used to kind of… I don't even know, have this thing with Dimitri, so having him back around has just got me down a bit. No big deal."

The words sounded dead coming from my mouth, and I'd downplayed it easily, but Christian met my gaze and he knew how hard it had been to even say that.

" _What?"_ Lissa hissed, leaning over Christian to speak to me. She was pressed against his entire body, and a fierce streak of jealousy worked its way through me. I'd never be able to do that with him, be comfortable around him physically in front of people. Hugging was as good as we were ever going to get. "And you never told me? But he's been gone for two months, you must have been going through hell." There was the pity, swimming in her gaze, and I swallowed my anger.

I didn't deserve anger. The most emotion I'd felt in those two weeks was a burning need to have Christian's lips on mine. Christian was the only thing that made me _feel_ anything anymore that wasn't sadness and anger. I didn't deserve Lissa's sympathy over anything.

"It's really not been so bad." I lifted my shoulder. "Just coupled with Spokane has what's made it rough."

There was no point mentioning the word. No one needed to know that I'd been in love with him. That would only make it harder.

Eddie kept quiet, face pensive. I'd been going out with Mason, whilst I had this _thing_ with Dimitri. I'd lied to his dead best friend.

I definitely didn't deserve Eddie's sympathy either.

"If you ever need to talk you know where to find me." She squeezed my hand and stood up, pressing another chaste kiss to the corner of Christian's mouth. "I have to go though, I have a meeting with Kirova, I just came to say hello. Feels like we haven't seen each other forever."

I felt that feeling through the bond like a knife. She missed sleeping with Christian, she was longing for him.

Longing in the exact same way I was. Our feelings mingled together, and I almost thought I might throw up.

I'd fucked up, big time.


	13. Chapter 13

_Sorry for the massively late update! I've been in a massive funk the past month and basically not been motivated to do anything at all. I'm really hoping I can get back in the game and start updating this regularly again._

 _I wanted to address the reviewer who asked whether we were supposed to like Rose and Christian in this fic. Honestly, probably not. I mean, they're both being selfish shitters and doing what they want. I'm writing it like this because I like the angst, though. I know it's OOC and stuff, but this is just the kind of story I like to read, so I'm giving writing it a go._

* * *

 **Thirteen**

 _Christian_

The ball had rushed towards us, and now I was walking arm in arm with Lissa towards the cafeteria, which had been turned into a proper ballroom for the night. Rose was behind me, and I was determined not to look back at her.

She was wearing a burgundy gown that clung to all her curves, and it was taking everything in me not to drink her in. Lissa was beautiful on my arm, but her touch annoyed me. It was a constant reminder of what I couldn't have.

The first day of the conference had been during the day, and it had already gotten off to a bad start. Lissa and my Aunt were against the world so far. They'd been shut down every time they tried to say something, but I'd been watching. People had been shifting in their seats when my Aunt was talking; I'd seen them hear the truth and it made them uncomfortable. That was how it needed to be. First they had to realise how fucked their situation was, and then they went to the desperate measures of learning offensive magic.

It was how it needed to be, and I was quietly confident.

Not confident enough to believe that it would have happened before my mum attacked, though. Those people were in for the long haul. My mum's massacre would be the thing that finally broke them into agreeing.

In the hall, we hurried to grab a table. It was relatively early, but filling up fast. The six of us crushed together on a small bench, and it meant Rose was pressed completely against my side. My breath was ragged, but I reined myself in.

She was just a friend. A friend I couldn't afford to lose.

Adrian had come over as soon as he saw us come in. "Little Dhampir, you look positively ravishing." He flashed a grin at her, and my back stiffened involuntarily. Here I sat, with Liss's hand in mine, and I had the nerve to be jealous.

She gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Adrian."

"Cousin, my Great Aunt wanted me to come and fetch you when you arrived. She wants to talk to you."

Lissa straightened beside me and smiled. "Of course. I'll go and say hello now."

"You'd better save me a dance, Little Dhampir," he called over his shoulder.

I watched them walk away, arm in arm, grateful that I could finally just sit and talk to Rose. The guilt weighed on my shoulders, and they sagged. It was all becoming too much. The field experience was too hard, and it meant I was barely seeing Lissa. When this was over, and she wanted to see me every night, when she wanted to have sex, I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it.

We might all be dead by then, anyway.

A frown flickered across Rose's face, and I tried to pull myself together. Having her worry was the last thing I needed; Rose worrying always ended up in confiding, which meant comforting and comforting meant a closeness we couldn't afford.

"This whole thing is a bit unbearable," my Aunt grumbled from across the table.

Everyone nodded their agreement. "I think I'm going to go and join the other novices," Eddie excused himself, still not quite able to look at Rose in the face. She flinched.

I wanted to grab her hand beneath the table, but knew it was the worst idea. "I'm sure Lissa will be back to ask you for a dance soon," my Aunt teased me. "Are you sure you're not going to stand on her feet?"

I gave her a short laugh. "I like to think I'm slightly less clumsy than that."

"You should give it a test run with Rose. I'm sure she's dying to get out on the dancefloor in that gorgeous dress."

Her cheeks actually turned pink and my stomach twisted. "Don't worry." She turned to me, daring to meet my eyes. Keeping my expression controlled around her was becoming harder and harder by the day. "I won't force you."

"Maybe you won't, but I will. Go on, enjoy the evening," my aunt encouraged, waving them up.

I could only stand and offer Rose a hand. She hesitated only a second before taking it and letting me lead her onto the floor. There'd have been no reasonable excuse not to dance with her. I couldn't explain that every time Rose and I touched it set my skin on fire; that having her pressed against me tested every ounce of my self-control.

We danced in silence for a few minutes, keeping our bodies respectively away from each other and not daring to let our hands wander. Mine were tight on her hips, and I couldn't stop my fingers digging into the soft skin beneath the dress. I just wanted to hold her; feel her.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked, looking up at me, her hands resting on my shoulders. "You look… I don't know. Not okay."

"I'm not okay," I admitted, thumb caressing her skin. "I don't know what to do."

"About what?"

"About everything."

She took a step closer to me, before realising what she was doing, and where, and returned to her original position. We continued to dance around the room, an aching tension between us. "I don't know what to say," she said, trying to read my face once more.

"Me neither." My heart was pounding as I stared down at Rose. Rose, who I'd come to realise I couldn't live without. "Let's go sit back down," I said, weariness seeping into my voice. "I need to go and talk to Liss about something."

She frowned at me, but I'd already dropped my hands from her hips and headed back over to the table. Liss was sat back down chatting away with my Aunt. My insides were so twisted I thought I might throw up, but I braced myself and tried to convince myself I was definitely making the right decision.

"Liss, can I talk to you for a moment," I asked, hovering behind her chair. This wasn't the time or the place, but I was determined to seize my impulse and get the words out. She was going to hate me either way, waiting until this evening wouldn't make any difference.

She gave me a winning smile, and my heart clenched tighter. I might not be in love with her anymore, but I'd never wanted to hurt her. "Of course."

I led her out of the hall and into an empty classroom where I hoped we wouldn't be overheard. Her smile had dimmed. "What's wrong?"

It must have been all over my face. I could barely keep the tears out of my eyes. "Liss I can't do this anymore."

Her hands shook as she leant against the side of the table. "The balls?" It was an empty statement, without hope.

"I don't want to be together anymore. I'm sorry."

A sob broke through her chest, and my hands itched to hold her. But I couldn't. It had to be a clean break. "I'm going to go and fetch Rose for you," I said, hating that I had to bring her into my mess once again.

"No, Christian! Wait. Is there nothing I can do? You don't have to come to these things with me ever again. You don't have to do any of that. I just—please. Please don't do this."

"I'm sorry," I repeated, fleeing the room and swiping at my eyes, determined to hold myself together. Liss's face, crumpled in despair, was burned into my mind.

In the hall, I made my way back to Rose. She stood up when she saw me coming, eyebrows pulled together. "What's wrong?" she asked. "What happened?"

I cleared my throat and couldn't meet her eyes. "I broke up with Liss."

She stared at me for a heartbeat, every ounce of hope we'd held about being together flashing in her gaze for a moment. It was crushed just as quickly. It wasn't ever going to happen, and that wasn't why I'd ended it. I wasn't that stupid.

She wrapped a hand around my upper arm for just a moment. "Are you okay?"

I couldn't bring myself to lie to her. "You should go and see Liss. She's in the first classroom on the right. I'll see you tonight." The field experience had been lifted until curfew.

She hesitated only a second, thumb brushing against my shirt, before nodding and going to find Liss. No doubt her head was pounding with Liss's devastation.

I took her seat and ran a hand through my hair. I just wanted to get out of here, but my Aunt was pinning me down with her gaze.

Belikov stood up and left, giving some excuse about needing to go fetch a drink. A drink was exactly what I needed right now. It was a shame there was no alcohol for the students.

Aunt Tasha looked at me, a hardness hidden beneath her gaze that I couldn't miss. She was disappointed that I might have jeopardised the cause's biggest asset. "What happened?"

"I don't love her. I couldn't stay with her because I'm scared of my mum and losing my reputation when everything comes to light. Liss will fight for offensive magic whether she's with me or not, we both know that." I'd been a coward, but holding Rose in my arms had been enough to jerk me to my senses. Having her there made it obvious just how barren my feelings towards Liss had become, and I didn't want to be the kind of person who used her. It wasn't me. It had never been me.

"Are you okay?" she repeated Rose's question.

I lifted a shoulder. "I will be. I'm going to head back to my room." I checked the clock. It wasn't that long until curfew now. "I'll see you tomorrow. Don't worry about me, Rose will cheer me up. She always manages it somehow."


	14. Chapter 14

_Blimey, I'm on a roll! Managed to keep up with my original schedule for this next chapter. Thank you to everyone who is still there reviewing, I adore hearing your thoughts! It means so much that people are enjoying this so far._

* * *

 **Fourteen**

 _Rose_

My heart hurt, and I cast a glance back over my shoulder at Christian before leaving the hall. He didn't see me; his face was buried in his hands. Tasha was looking at me and I hurried out of the room.

I wanted to talk to him, to do something to take that guilty expression out of his eyes, but seeing me wasn't likely to make him any less guilty. Besides, I had to see Lissa. Her sadness was pouring through the bond at such an alarming rate it was difficult to remain inside my own head.

Liss was where Christian had said she would be, barely holding herself up against a table as she cried into her hands.

It was the worst possible timing; she would be noticed as missing from the ball, and she definitely couldn't go back in there in that state. I let her collapse against me and ran my hand over her hair.

"I'm so sorry, Liss," I murmured, trying to keep back my own tears. I wasn't stupid, I knew that I'd played some part in influencing Christian's decision, and my own guilt was tearing at me. I kept murmuring pointless phrases like that as tears tracked down my own face. Her heart was broken, and I was partly responsible.

Not that I could have really done anything to stop the heat simmering between Christian and I; not that I could have stopped us being the only people who really understood what the other was going through or that we'd been lumped together for the field experience.

At least he'd ended it. He'd been honest.

Part of me was shocked. Sure, we fancied each other, and sure, he didn't like the Royal stuff, but Liss and Christian were perfect for each other. They'd been through so much, and I'd been certain that this was just a blip, that as soon as the field experience was over Christian and I would drop off to being just friends again.

But now they were over. It was done.

"I just don't understand," Lissa whispered, choking on her words as she tried to pull herself together. "I thought everything was so perfect."

I rubbed her back as she straightened up and wiped at her eyes. "I know. I did too." Only a small lie. I hadn't thought Christian was anywhere near this disillusioned with their relationship.

"I really loved him Rose," she whimpered, tears starting afresh. "What am I going to do? He didn't even give me a reason. He just said it and left. Maybe I can get him back."

I didn't even know how to respond to that. Maybe she could, but Christian hadn't look unsure when he'd come back into the hall. I got the feeling he wasn't planning on crawling back to her any time soon. "I think you should focus on getting over him." And it was impossible to tell whether that was me, Lissa's best friend, or me, jealous girl attracted to Christian, who was speaking.

Either way, I hoped it was the right thing.

"I can't just get over him. You don't _understand_. I loved him. I love him. I need him."

I hadn't—and wasn't about to—told Lissa about Dimitri properly. She didn't know that I understood exactly how painful it was to be broken up with. "Liss I'm in your head. I know how you're feeling." Which was also true. Her pain was radiating through me so badly that I was desperate for a drink to numb the bond.

That was something I was sure Christian would agree to when I got back to his room later.

"I just don't know what to do," she whispered, voice cracking. "I thought I had it all planned out. And then everything with his mum, I mean, he needs someone."

"I'm going to be his guardian for the next five weeks. I can manage to look after him."

And I would. I'd do a better job at looking after Christian than I was likely to do of looking after Liss, which hurt to admit. I wasn't sure when we'd drifted apart like that. Liss and I had always been thick as thieves, and now I felt more comfort just from talking to Christian than I did when Liss tried to cheer me up.

My chest ached with guilt, and I took my arms from around her. "Come on, we should go back to your room. We want to avoid people as best as we can."

Liss hesitated, but followed me out. We managed to avoid everyone on the way back to her rooms, and when we got there she put on some pyjamas and flung herself onto her bed, clutching the pillow. "I guess Eddie will be back pretty soon. I'm going to have to explain what's happened to him. God, I'm going to have to tell everyone. They'll all know I was dumped."

"Eddie is a good friend. He'll be good at cheering you up, I'm sure. And he definitely understands what it means to lose someone close to you."

Her face paled. "God, I'm going to seem so pathetic compared to what he's been through."

"No you're not. He'll understand, and he'll be able to help." Understanding was what meant the most. Christian and I understood, that's why we clicked.

The door opened, and Eddie peered his head around the door with a frown. "I saw you guys disappear, I thought I should come back. Has something happened?"

Lissa couldn't keep a straight face when she explained. Eddie sat beside her on the bed and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder. She ended up sobbing into his chest, and I watched with a lump in my throat.

"It's nearly curfew," he said, checking his watch. "It might be best to just go back to Christian's room now."

Liss's crying increased at the mention of his name, and I went to give her a final hug before leaving.

I swiped at my own tears all the way back to Christian's room, and knew my makeup was a mess. My mascara was probably running down my face and my lipstick was far from perfect anymore. There were more people around now, heading back to their dorms, and I got more than one curious glance.

I held my head high and ignored them. My sniffling detracted from the aloof look I was going for, though.

Christian was sat on his bed, staring at the opposite wall, when I entered. He jumped, face spinning around to look at me. Then it crumpled. Mine did too.

I got onto the bed beside him and wrapped and arm around his shoulder, letting him collapse against me. "I didn't know what to do," he whispered, voice breaking. I held him tight, fingers digging into the muscle of his upper arm. "I didn't want to hurt her, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I don't love her anymore. It would have been wrong to lead her on."

"You did the right thing." If he really felt that way, then I could convince myself that wasn't my jealous side talking, either.

I was under no illusions. This didn't mean the door was wide open for us to start having sex. This just meant that maybe Christian would be less miserable.

I was still Lissa's best friend, and she was still in love with him.

It was never going to be an option for me.

"How is she?"

"She's sad."

He scrubbed at his eyes. "God I did it at the worst time. I just, I just had to, before I lost my nerve."

"No time would have been the right time. It doesn't matter."

Christian's shoulders stopped shaking quite so much, and he let out a long, calming breath. "I've never really had to hurt anyone before," he admitted. "It's always just been me. I never wanted to be in this position."

I rested my chin on his head, two tears escaping my eyes. I definitely didn't want to be in this position, either. Maybe my feelings for him would eventually die. Maybe we'd both move on and just be friends at some point. That was what I had to hope for. "It's just life," I murmured. Waxing and waning feelings for people were just life, too.

"Are you okay?" he asked, moving away from where he'd buried his face in my neck to look up at me. His blue eyes sparkled in the rising sun that streamed through the window.

"The guilt hasn't crushed me quite yet," I murmured, having to look away from his open face. He was holding nothing back. I could see every single emotion as it played out. Sadness, guilt, affection. It was the last one that caused me to turn away. "I'll be fine in the morning. I can feel Liss, too. It's a little bit overwhelming."

"This isn't your fault." Christian jerked away from me, and forced me to look at him. He rested both his hands on my shoulders. "I've been out of love with Lissa before any of this _thing_ , whatever it is, happened between us. I was staying with her because I'm a selfish bastard and I was scared of my mum, and my reputation, and because I'm a coward. Rose, all you did was make me realise just how far out of love with her I am. This isn't your fault."

And then I was crying again, because I wanted him so badly and I wasn't allowed. I just wanted him to hold me, kiss me, tell me that it was all going to be okay as long as we had each other.

His expression turned fraught and he brought me into his chest, hugging me tightly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's not you," I choked out. "It's not you at all. It's just… everything." I couldn't tell him the truth. That would be crossing a line that should never be crossed. I'd bear the weight by myself. "I just can't believe how much everything has changed."

Christian's arms were tight around me, and we let ourselves be wrapped in that cocoon for a while. Our crying died down, and it was just us. His hands on my back kept me warm and safe; promised that he would always be there if I needed it. I hoped that where my arms were wrapped around his waist that I conveyed the same message.

I blocked Liss out as best I could, feeling guilty for not accepting all the agony she was in and more. I deserved it.

When we separated, Christian reached up and brushed his fingers along my jaw. The touch was so feather-light that a shiver worked its way up my spine. I swallowed hard. It was gone as soon as he realised what he was doing, and his cheeks tinged pink. He retook his place against the headboard and I joined him, our arms pressed against each other like in the library.

"What did Tasha say?" I asked him, forcing myself not to let my head rest against his shoulder. Not after that heated moment when I'd allowed myself for a second to believe he might lean in and kiss me.

"Not much. She just asked me why. I feel like I'm going to get a bigger grilling when she doesn't think I'm about to have a breakdown. She really liked Lissa."

Everyone really liked Lissa. It was impossible not to. I wondered what her face would be if Christian and I walked up to the cottage hand-in-hand.

I pushed the thought from my mind. It was a stupid, irrelevant hypothetical.

"She'll get over it. Besides, she'll still see Lissa. Your Aunt is going to be a massive political figure in the next few months, I'm sure."

"True. I just don't like disappointing her."

"She won't be disappointed if you're happy."

He sent me a wan smile. "I'm not sure this is going to make me happy. Happi _er_ , maybe."

"Well, I mean it's better than nothing."

"I guess that's true. Sorry about cutting your dance short."

"You know I don't care about that stuff either. You saved me having to have an awkward dance with Adrian, at the very least."

"I'm glad I could be of service."

It was so hard not to remember Christian's hands on me at the mention of dancing. We'd made an effort not to hold each other tight, but his fingers had still burned through the material of my dress. He'd still been a step away, still so close that I could have reached up and moulded my lips with his.

My cheeks burned, and I couldn't find a response to what he'd said. Everything was so messed up, and somehow just curling up against Christian would be the way to solve it all. He would block everything out, just for a while.

I hurried off the bed. "I think I need to go to bed."

Christian frowned at me, but I just shook my head and got into my bed on the floor. I took a deep breath, and swallowed all my urges. I couldn't touch Christian, I couldn't kiss him, and I definitely couldn't sleep with him.

Not ever.

I heard Christian take several breaths, as if he was going to speak, but no words ever came. I was glad. Talking about it only seemed to make it more real, and I didn't need him to apologise to me anymore.

"Night Rose. Thanks for talking it out with me."

"Any time, you know that."

I buried the onslaught of tears into the pillow, and when Christian didn't say anything, I knew I'd managed to avoid him. In the morning I'd pull myself together, but right now I needed to mourn the fact we couldn't be together.


	15. Chapter 15

_So today I got completely re-inspired by this fic and pumped out a massive 16k words towards it. I'm reaaaaally enjoying writing it, and it means I've got a good few chapters to get out! I'm going to have no excuses for late updates for the next week._

 _I really kind of love this chapter, so let me know what you think! I'm dying to hear people's thoughts on this story._

* * *

 **Fifteen**

 _Rose_

For once, sitting next to Dimitri was a thousand times easier than sitting next to Christian. The four of us were sitting in Tasha's cabin, and Dimitri and I shrank further and further into the wall as Tasha and Christian's conversation continued.

"I just don't understand why you never mentioned anything," Tasha complained, fussing around at her kitchenette as she made us hot chocolate. It was chilly at night in the winter months. "You seemed so perfect."

"Well, we just weren't. I didn't tell you because I didn't even know I was going to do it until I did."

When Tasha turned around to get the kettle, Christian sent me an exasperated look. I had to hide my giggle behind my hand. He looked ready to set the whole place on fire.

Dimitri leant over to whisper, "I did try and convince her not to do this."

His Russian accept wrapped around me, but it no longer made every inch of my body tingle. There had been too much between us for me to just fall at his feet like I used to.

I smirked. "Christian knew this was coming. Doesn't mean he's any less frustrated about it."

"And if you didn't know you were going to do it until you did, does that mean you've really thought it all through?" Tasha came and passed Dimitri and I a mug, then handed one to Christian. She didn't even blink at the fact Dimitri and I were sat so close together. Christian, on the other hand, had unknowingly glared at us more than a few times.

"I know how I feel," he stressed again, grimacing into his mug. "I don't want to be with Lissa anymore."

Tasha sighed. "Well, that really is a shame. She's such a lovely girl."

"We're not compatible."

"It all looked like it was going so well." She sounded like a lovesick teenager, and once again the urge to giggle rose up in me. I coughed into my hand.

Christian scowled at me. "I'm a good actor," he said, taking a sip of his too-hot cocoa. "How was the rest of the ball?"

"I'm sure you can imagine. Lots of boring talk. People were making a conscious effort not to talk politics, to have a break from the meetings, so there really wasn't much point in me being there."

Christian grunted. "I'm glad I had an excuse to leave early."

Tasha shook her head. "You're going to have to get used to attending these things. You've got to be on my side. You're good at persuasion."

I definitely couldn't deny that. Christian could probably convince me to do anything.

"I think people's prejudices weaken the effect slightly," he grumbled.

"Oh, come off it. People have those same prejudices towards me and I do just fine. You just need to get out there. Of course, it would have been better with Vasilisa on your arm…" Christian opened his mouth to shut her down, but she just laughed. "I'm joking. Don't bite my head off."

Despite everything, it was an easy smile on my face as I watched them. Christian might be irritated, but watching them tease each other was so refreshing that it was so easy to sink into the familial atmosphere. Tasha and Dimitri had become commonplace, too. The numbness wasn't all-encompassing, just a persistent twinge that was easy to ignore.

"So when are we going to practice some magic?" Christian asked. "You've been here a week and we still haven't done any."

"Tonight, if you like." It was getting late, we'd come here after dinner and a long day of sitting in the back rows watching the political debate. "I'm itching to set something on fire after dealing with those snobs all day."

That lifted Christian's mood in an instant. "Sweet. Oh, but it's getting pretty close to curfew. Maybe we'll have to wait until tomorrow."

"Please, we have Dimitri on our side. He can find some excuse if a guardian catches us out. Right, Comrade?"

He hesitated for only a second before nodding. "I can do that."

I beamed. "Great."

We all hurried to drain our hot chocolate, and I piled my layers back on. A sweater and a coat, then a woollen hat pulled over my unruly waves. Christian didn't bother with more than just a coat. He could keep himself warm.

I forced the image of us walking around in snow, his heated arm wrapped around my shoulder as I absorbed his body heat.

"Let's go, then," Tasha said, standing up and stretching. We all followed. Her cabin was so out of the way that we didn't have to walk far to find a clearing. Dimitri and I perched ourselves on an overturned log whilst Christian and Tasha warmed up.

It was impossible not to watch Christian. In the rising sun and the orange of his fire, his face was all angles and shadows. It made him look even better than normal. The single determination in his eyes made a shiver run up my spine. I wouldn't ever want to have to genuinely face him in a fight.

I wasn't surprised when Dimitri spoke to me. This was the perfect time for the chat he'd been wanting to have. "Are you okay with all this?" he asked, folding his arms to maintain heat.

"Surprisingly, yes," I admitted, turning to look at him to show I was being genuine. He could read me well enough to know. "I'm glad you're happy, really."

His smile was more real and free than I'd ever seen. "You've gotten happier, too. When we first arrived you looked like you were about to snap at any moment. I'm sorry you had to deal with all this. And, obviously, I'm sorry for just leaving like that."

"You don't have to apologise for it. You were doing the right thing, we both know that." The corner of my lips quirked up. "And I thought Christian was the only one who was worried about a potential breakdown during the first few days you were back. I was so sure I'd done a good job of faking it."

"It was pretty good. I didn't think anyone else would have noticed." The guilt was seeping into his words, and I rammed him in the side with my shoulder.

"Don't do that. I'm fine, really. Just took a bit of getting used to, you know. Does she know?" I found myself asking, gaze returning to where Christian and Tasha were working their magic. I followed his movements. He'd taken his coat off, and I could see his arm muscles working beneath the shirt he wore. I swallowed, and tried not to stare.

"She does."

"Good." I smiled up at him. "You really do look happy, you know."

He beamed down at me, and even now it still took my breath away. He was gorgeous. "I feel happy."

The bitterness was persistent; it longed to get through and ruin the moment, to remind me that I was never going to feel that happiness. I had nightmares, a compulsion to drink to numb the pain, a boy that could never be mine. But Dimitri was happy, and I loved Dimitri, so I was happy too.

"How is guarding Christian? Alberta said you didn't even contest it."

I lifted a shoulder. "Christian's my friend, it's fine. Besides, with everything with his mum…" I trailed off and shook my head. "Liss has Eddie and Eddie is probably better than me right now." He'd overcome his demons. He had nothing to distract him, just an absolute desire to be a good guardian. "I'm happy I got Christian. He understands."

My voice had returned to a murmur, and I watched Christian shoot a series of small blasts into the air.

He turned to me when he was successful and grinned. I smiled back, chest aching.

"You mean Spokane?" Dimitri was watching me, and I hoped I hadn't been too open with him.

"Yeah. Liss wasn't there and she doesn't—" I struggled for the right words without giving everything away. I didn't want Dimitri to know about the nightmares. He'd feel bad. "I just can't talk to her about it, you know? Christian was, so it's easier."

"Tasha's worried about him."

And maybe she had good reason to be. We were spiralling in misery together, neither having any positive to grasp onto and pull us back to normality. "He'll be okay."

"I'm worried about you."

"I'll be okay, too." He frowned down at me, and I raised a shoulder in a half-shrug. "I don't know what I could do to make anything better, anyway. When Christian's mum has attacked, that's when things will start to go back to normal." And then Christian would leave, and I'd never see him again. I'd be going with Lissa to Court, and that was the last place Christian would choose to go after school.

My heart pounded in my chest at that realisation, and I balled my hands, digging my nails into my palm to try and ground me.

"What's up?" Dimitri asked, concern edging his voice.

I tried to pull myself together, gnawing on the inside of my cheek. "Oh, nothing. Just the realisation that we talk about it all so casually. We might all be dead in a few weeks." It was a good lie, and he bought it.

"We're not going to die. We're all survivors, the four of us."

"Christian's going to insist on fighting even though he's the number one target." He was surrounding himself in a ring of fire now, all while deflecting blows that Tasha aimed towards him. He was so powerful it was scary; could do so much more against the Strigoi than me. But was it going to be enough to hold back an army? "I don't want anyone else to die," I whispered. But definitely not him. Anyone but Christian.

We'd meant what we said to each other that night, about not going on if the other died.

And it was such a real possibility that I didn't know if I could take it.

Everything in me urged me to just throw caution to the wind. To have Christian, just for these few weeks before the impending fight happened.

To know Christian; to experience what it was like to be loved by him.

Tears stung in my eyes, and I blinked rapidly to hold them back.

"He won't die," Dimitri said, though he had no right to. He couldn't know that. The odds were against us.

I brought my knees to my chest and rested my head on them. "I guess I'll deal with whatever happens when it happens."

"You shouldn't have to deal with any of it. You're only seventeen."

"God, I feel about eighty."

He chuckled, but was stopped from responding by Tasha and Christian coming over. He was grinning so hard that I forced my melancholia to disappear. I wasn't going to bring down his good mood, not for anything.

"I'm knackered," he admitted, stretching. "I think we should probably head back. It's half an hour past curfew."

I stood up, and gave him a real smile. "Good plan." I turned to Dimitri. "So you'll walk us back?"

"Sure." He turned to Tasha. "I'll meet you back at the cabin in a few minutes. Shouldn't take long."

They shared a quick kiss, and I didn't even feel the need to look away. Christian raised an eyebrow at me, but I ignored him.

The three of us shared a surprisingly easy silence. "Where did Tasha learn to use offensive magic?" I asked. She'd taught Christian, but someone had to have taught her.

"Her parents," Christian explained. "My branch of the Ozeras have always kept the tradition of using offensive magic. They wrote books, explaining a lot of the techniques. I'm going to ask her for some, then I can drag you out and practice when she doesn't want to."

I grinned. And then I'd have free rein to admire him without having to worry about being caught staring. "That'd be cool."

He sighed suddenly, shoulders slumping. "I'm really going to have to make an effort with this stupid political stuff, aren't I? I thought I could just sit back and let my Aunt and Liss take all the hard work."

"I know nothing about politics, not really. I guess if Tasha thinks you should then maybe."

He couldn't stop the grimace. "It's just not me at all. I can do one-on-one arguments fine, but keeping myself politically correct, or whatever, is going to be a trial. I highly doubt anyone is going to want to listen to me, anyway. I'm just a student."

I grinned up at him. "Yeah, I doubt calling everyone who disagrees with you an idiot would get you very far."

"Do you really think that poorly of me?"

I nudged my shoulder with his, the wide smile never fading from my face. "Really, though, you're pretty persuasive. And, I don't know, maybe you can get a whole spin on it and become a tragic hero rather than an untrusted one."

"So your master plan is to make me have endless sympathy from everyone. That's definitely the way to not make me set everyone on fire."

I linked my arm through his. "I'll always be there on the side-lines, my extreme lack of sympathy balancing it out."

"I don't think I have what it takes to be a politician."

"I don't think that's true. I just think you'd be incredibly unhappy."

"I mean, some things never change, right? Maybe I should just make the sacrifice."

We got back to the campus and Dimitri held a door open for us. I almost jerked at the realisation he'd been there the whole time. "It wouldn't be worth doing something that would make you miserable," he said, nodding to the guardian on the desk as we headed towards our dorms. "Your Aunt claims to hate it, but she secretly loves the thrill of shocking people with her magic, and arguing with them about it. It'd come across too much if you hated every second."

Christian nodded. "I think you're probably right."

I felt the need to unlink my arm from Christian's, as though Dimitri could read every single thought I'd ever had just by that action. "I'm going to enjoy you convincing Tasha that you're already abandoning your exciting new political career," I teased.

"Don't even joke about it," he groaned.

We reached Christian's door and he dug his keys out.

"Thanks for walking us back, Comrade."

"No problem. Night, Roza, Christian." He nodded to us before striding back down the corridor.

Inside Christian's room, he raised an eyebrow at me. "You guys are cool now?"

"I guess we are. I'm happy for him. He looks so happy with her, you know?"

He nodded, kicking his shoes off. I did the same. "Yeah, I guess he does."

"Besides, I have you to pine after now instead. I'm just about over Dimitri."

He laughed, managing to diffuse any kind of tension that could have descended from that comment. "I'm selfishly glad to hear it."

"Tasha knows, you know. He told her about me. They're so honest. I don't know, it's nice, to see it."

"I'm honest with you."

"I'm honest with you, too."

"In fact, you're just about the only person I'm honest with."

"Me too."

For once, I was unable to stop my urge to go and hug him. I'd ditched my layers by now, and so when he hugged me back his hands were hot through the thin t-shirt I wore. I looped my arms around his neck, and buried my face into his shoulder and inhaling deeply. He smelt like the mint shampoo he used.

We stood like that for a good five minutes, just holding each other. Everything was calm when his arms were around me.

"Christian?" I murmured, lips scarily close to the bare skin of his neck.

"Yes?" His voice was raspy, and it sent a jolt of heat through me.

"I'm never going to see you again after we graduate, am I?"

He didn't even hesitate before answering. "You know that I won't be able to stay away from you."

The fact we probably weren't even going to get there went unsaid.

"I wish the field experience could just go on forever." It was as bittersweet as it got. Constant torture of not being able to have Christian, despite him being right there, but also the comfort of having him nearby.

He sucked in a breath, but didn't say whatever he'd been planning on responding. I realised too late what I'd implied.

I could be his guardian. His real guardian, when we graduated.

It wasn't going to happen, I could never abandon Lissa like that, but the thought was so intoxicating that I couldn't just let it go. Us, living together, travelling together.

Being together.

This close, I could feel his heart pounding through his chest, matching the heightened rhythm of my own. My fingers tightened around his neck, pressing myself further against him. I couldn't kiss him, even though every fibre in me begged for it to happen.

"I don't think I can bring myself to let go of you," I whispered.

"Sleep in my bed, just for tonight." It was a statement, not a plea. He knew I'd agree. "Just let me hold you."

With that promise, I could finally bring myself to let go of him, knowing that I'd be back in his arms soon. I pulled back, and our faces were unbearably close. Our breaths mingled, and both our eyes were on the other's lips.

I swallowed, hard, and we both forced ourselves back at the same time. "I'm going to go clean my teeth," I disappeared into the bathroom, and had to take a few calming breaths.

We skirted around each other as we got ready for bed.

And then, finally clad in our pyjamas, we slid in beside each other.

Christian didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around me, my back pressed against his chest. I snuggled further into him, relishing the warmth that spread through me at having his arms wrapped so tightly around me. I linked my fingers with his, and fought down the urge to spin around and kiss him.

This was enough. He was holding me close, face buried in my hair, and it was impossible not to feel content.

He pressed a single kiss to my neck, and goosebumps littered my skin despite his heat. "Goodnight Rose."

I took a deep breath to control my voice, and then replied. "Goodnight Christian."


	16. Chapter 16

_Ahh, no reviews on the last one, which makes me a little sad :( I really enjoyed writing this one, though, and I definitely want to hear what people think about the ending!_

 _This chapter and the last one have both been a bit longer, too!_

* * *

 **Sixteen**

 _Christian_

It was almost impossible to concentrate on the page I was reading when Rose's fingers were tangled in my hair. My head was resting in her lap, and her hand worked absentmindedly through the unruly mess on top of my head.

It all felt so natural, so _right_. I just wanted to bask in it, in sitting like a couple would. We'd convinced ourselves that somehow this was what friends would do. Rose told me that Lissa sat in this exact position all the time, and she'd run her hands through Liss's hair. We told ourselves that made it okay.

We were sitting near the edge of the school's perimeter, and I'd finally gotten my hands on one of the books that my Aunt kept detailing offensive techniques. Most of them were either ineffective against Strigoi, or one's that she'd already taught me, but it was fascinating to read the way it was explained by my older relatives I'd never met.

At least, the parts I could concentrate on.

It was early on a Saturday morning; so early that there was still enough natural light to read the book without having to get a torch out. The sun was cold, and it wasn't making me feel as weak as it normally would.

"Anything interesting?" Rose asked.

I looked up, but her face was still tipped back, leaning against the tree and basking in the light. "You miss the sun."

She blinked in surprise and looked down at me. "I do. I got so used to it when we were on the run. It's so much more inviting than the moon," she teased.

"I wish I wasn't sun-averse. This is nice, though. Perfect, actually." And we both knew I wasn't just talking about the sun.

Her fingers continued to tousle my hair, and I allowed my eyes to fall shut for a moment, just basking in the moment. Everything was easy to block out like this. Spending time with Rose was like a shield to reality.

I could have fallen asleep, but I wanted to live every moment of sitting like this.

After a few minutes, I picked the book back up and continued flicking through it. "Do you miss training as much?" I asked Rose, deciding it was easier to look at the sketches than trying to read the words. "You used to a lot."

"Sometimes. I do feel a bit restless doing this. I'm scared that only facing one guardian a week is going to make me complacent. I guess I could ask Dimitri to spar with me. I can't imagine he's sparred with anyone for a while."

The thrum of jealousy pressed on my mind, but I shoved it back. Rose had all but told me she'd moved on from Dimitri to me, and I believed her. "You should," I told her. "You can spar whilst me and Aunt Tasha practice our magic. It's a good idea."

"I'll ask him next time we see them."

I ran my finger over an image in the book. The caption _Guardian Protection Spell_ sat above it. The picture showed a man with an orange glow holding a stake.

 _The Guardian Protection Spell burns anyone who touches the Guardian, it is especially effective against Strigoi._

Then there was a long description of how to perform it.

"I want to try this one," I told Rose, handing her the book to read.

Her eyes scanned the page, glistening with interest as she took it in. "Let's do it."

I was forced to remove my head from her lap, and stand up. I offered her a hand to help her up, and she took it.

"Okay." I took another scan of the book. "It says it's best to have skin-to-skin contact, and to maintain eye contact."

We stood opposite each other, and I took both her hands in mine. They were cold, and I rubbed my thumb over her palms. Her brown eyes met mine, and I was grateful for the excuse to finally get lost in them. Rose's eyes always gave away what she was thinking. Right now they sparkled; there was none of the deadness that had plagued them so often recently.

"Okay, it says to imagine sending my magic into you. About protection."

She nodded.

I took a deep breath, and gave it a shot. The urge to close my eyes was intense as I mustered my magic and imagined it flowing through my fingertips and into Rose where I held her.

She jerked back from me suddenly. "Shit," she muttered, blowing on her palm.

"I burnt you?" I asked, reaching for her palm, my stomach sinking. There was a red mark on the skin where my thumb had been. "Shit. Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

"What? No, of course it is. It just surprised me. It didn't really hurt." She was lying through her teeth about it hurting, but she pressed her hands back into mine anyway. "Please. This would be such a useful spell."

The next time I was so hesitant that nothing at all happened for the five minutes that we stood there.

She sighed. "Christian, really. I'm fine. Don't hold back."

I took a deep breath and nodded. We retook our stance and I tried again, like the first time.

I burnt her five more times after that.

"I'm not doing this anymore," I told her, sitting on the ground and taking her palms in my lap. There were red welts covering them. "This is too much."

"No it isn't. It barely hurts. I'll get Liss to heal me if it makes you feel better." She grabbed the book off the floor. "It seems to really focus on the mental aspect of this one. About the need to protect, to guard someone. I mean, that's easy for me, it's what I've always grown up knowing that I need to do. Maybe you need to visualise something. Do something to help get you in the mind-set."

I tried to do as she said, and the vision came to me more easily than I'd thought. Rose, facing off against my mother. Rose's neck with fangs gliding along them, and then the blood. A shiver worked its way down my spine.

The book also put an emphasis on caring about the person who were protecting, and I didn't need help with that.

"I want to try again," I said, standing up and helping Rose to her feet.

We stood opposite each other, and this time I didn't take her hands, but cradled her face with mine. We stood far closer, and I looked deep into her brown orbs. I'd seen fright in them before, and it wasn't difficult to imagine it back there when my mum eventually came. Even with my eyes open I could picture myself screaming to get to her in time.

I could imagine losing her so easily it made my heart pound.

Gathering my magic, I pushed it into her.

She gasped, leaning into my touch.

After a moment, it hurt my hands to keep touching her, and I had to drop them. An orange glow radiated from her skin.

"It worked," I murmured, eyebrows shooting up.

Rose was staring down at her hands, wonderstruck.

And then she grinned, launching herself at me with a hug.

I jerked backwards. It was like a current jarring through me when her skin came into contact with mine. "Shit, that hurts," I muttered, apologetic.

She beamed. "Revenge. Really, though, this is amazing. I can _feel_ it, humming through me. It makes you feel alive. Is this how you always feel?"

"When I use my magic, yes."

"It's amazing." She grabbed the book from the floor. "Come on, we have to go show your Aunt before it wears off. She's going to be so proud."

"Let's go."

Spurred on by the excitement of learning something new, we hurried towards Tasha's cabin and knocked on the door. Dimitri opened it, already fully-clothed and with a slice of toast in his hand. He stared at Rose as if she'd grown another head.

She smirked at him. "Admiring my healthy orange glow?" she teased.

My Aunt appeared beside him, and then raised an eyebrow at me. "You've been learning?"

"I've been learning," I agreed. "Try touching her."

My Aunt hesitated before reaching out and pressing the back of her hand to Rose's cheek. She jerked backwards as soon as the skin came into contact. "Amazing," she murmured. "It's a protection spell."

"It's already starting to fade," I admitted, looking at Rose again. Her glow wasn't anywhere near as pronounced. "But this was just my first successful try. It's more effective against Strigoi than Moroi, too."

Rose handed her the book, which she'd kept open on the right page.

"Very interesting," she agreed, running her fingers over the words. "How many tries did it take for you to get it right?"

I shifted my weight, scratching the back of my head. "This was my seventh try."

Rose chuckled. "Really, it was worth it."

Aunt Tasha raised a brow and Rose held out her burnt hands. "Ah, I see." She laughed. "Occupational hazard of having specialised in fire, I guess."

"It doesn't hurt," Rose lied.

"I'll pretend to believe you," Aunt Tasha chuckled. "Anyway, come in. I want to hear all about it. You're very early, you know. Breakfast hasn't even been served in school yet, I'll make you some."

Rose and I looked at each other, grateful. We'd both complained about our hunger on the way here.

We sat side-by-side at the small table, but I was careful not to touch Rose yet. "Do you think there's any way to take it back?" she asked. "It's a bit inconvenient to be walking around campus glowing. And it'll suck if we have to wait for it to fade before you can touch me to practice it again."

My Aunt piped up from the stove. "According to this you can call the magic back. Just maintain eye contact and imagine sucking the magic back into yourself."

Rose and I turned, meeting each other's eyes, and I felt the magic returning to me. "Well that was a hell of a lot easier than giving it to you."

Rose laughed, and pressed her arm against mine. "Hopefully we're past the burning stage, at least."

"I don't know, it's a bit emotionally draining giving you the magic," I admitted. "The whole visualising protecting you thing, it's not hard to guess what I'm imagining."

Her face fell. "Oh, right. Sorry, I didn't even think about that. We'll have another look and see if there's anything else in the book you want to learn. Just practice the protection thing like once a day or something." She squashed herself a bit more against my side, and the warmth was comforting.

"Sounds like a plan."

"Oh, Dimitri." Rose turned her attention to the guardian who was eating his own breakfast on a chair in the corner. His attention had already been on us, I realised. "I wondered if you wanted to spar at some point. It's been so long since I had a fight with someone I didn't just crush."

His grin was wicked, and I realised it was the first time I'd ever seen an expression like that from him. He always looked so composed. "Good idea."

"We can fight whilst Tasha and Christian are practising their magic. It'll be fun."

My Aunt was still reading the book, and she handed us some toast, barely concentrating on what she was doing as the words held her interest. "This is certainly an interesting spell," she said, leaning back against the counter as we started eating. "It's meant for Moroi and their assigned Guardians, probably Guardians who have worked together a while. Christian was right about the emotional toll. It's intense magic."

"I guess an upcoming crisis makes it easier to channel."

She hummed her acknowledgement, turning to glance at me for just a moment, before returning to the book. "I guess it does. I want to try it," she announced, then guiltily looked towards Belikov. "If you're willing to risk your hands."

"I'll be a willing sacrifice."

"Good. Hurry up and eat your toast you two, I want to see Christian do it. If you don't mind, at least."

I shook my head. "No problem." Right now the excitement of having achieved something overwhelmed the fact I had to live out my biggest fear.

Rose and I hurried down our toast and then the four of us stood outside the cabin.

I took a deep breath and stood opposite Rose. Obviously I couldn't cup her face like I had before, but I took her hands in mine and hoped that it would be enough.

We stared at each other, just a hint of worry in her brown eyes.

The images came to me faster this time. Rose being dragged away by my mum. Rose as the colour drained from her face, my mother mouth at her neck. Rose's brown eyes that I stared into corrupted with a ring of red.

"Shit," I muttered, pulling my hand from hers as the charge hit me. She was glowing again, brighter this time, and I swallowed the need to hold her. To suck the magic out of her so I could remind myself that, for now, she was still here beside me.

"You okay?" she murmured, gaze wide.

I forced a smile. "I'm fine."

Aunt Tasha was watching us. "Interesting," she muttered. "Impressive. It's strong magic."

She stood opposite Dimitri and tried to follow my lead.

"Will you take the magic out of me?" Rose asked, voice quiet so as not to distract my Aunt.

"Oh, sure." We met gazes and I pulled the magic back into myself.

When it was gone, she stood closer, our arms pressed against each other. "I'm sorry, I wouldn't have been so eager to suggest trying this again if I'd realised."

Once again she'd read me like a book. "It's okay. I just…" I struggled to find the words.

"I know. You don't have to explain." She smiled up at me. "I'll give you a big hug when we get back to the dorm."

I chuckled. "You always know exactly what I need."

There was a string of expletives from where my Aunt and Belikov stood. He wafted his hand in the air.

"Come on, Comrade, even I wasn't that much of a wimp about it."

He scowled at her, and she grinned harder.

Rose and I watched them in silence for a few minutes, and I was surprised that seeing my Aunt and Dimitri staring lovingly into each other's eyes wasn't enough to make her stiffen at my side. Instead, Rose just leant slightly against me, reassuring me with her weight. I wanted to wrap my arm around her shoulder, but didn't want to give them any reason to suspect there was something going on between us.

Fifteen minutes down the line, and Aunt Tasha hadn't gotten any further.

"It's difficult," she admitted. "You got it so quickly."

I considered how to word my explanation to her. "It's all about the emotional side of it, like you said. Just, take a few moments to picture losing him. Visualise it. Then try it again. That's what I did."

I couldn't tell her that she needed to imagine it until it felt like there was a cavern in her chest from the knowledge those visions were likely going to become a reality in the next few weeks.

She nodded, and took a seat on a bench outside the cabin, burying her head in her hands and doing as I'd suggested. I could feel Rose's eyes on me, but I couldn't meet them. I'd have given in and just hugged her right now if I did.

Aunt Tasha sat up and nodded to Belikov. They regained their positions, and my Aunt took a deep breath before channelling her magic. Rose and I watched the glow build around him, until my Aunt let go of his hand with a small squeak.

Then she gazed up at him, eyes wide. "It worked."

They looked so happy with each other that it made my heart hurt. Rose and I could have had that, if it weren't for all the circumstances.

"You were right," she looked over to me. "It's draining. I don't fancy doing that again for a while. I wouldn't have asked you to do it again if I'd known."

"It's fine. I wanted to show you."

"Well, thank you. This is impressive. I'm proud of you."

She came and enveloped me in a hug, but it wasn't the hug I wanted. Images flashed behind my eyes once more, and I pulled back. "I think I'm going to go back to campus for a while. I've got some homework that I need to get done. We might be back later."

Aunt Tasha nodded and handed me the book. "Of course. See you later."

"See you later." I nodded towards Dimitri, and Rose said her goodbyes as well.

As soon as we were out of eyesight of the cabin, I pulled Rose to a stop and wrapped my arms tight around her, a shudder working its way down my spine.

She clung back, her fingers finding their way back into my hair and helping to soothe my racing heart.

"It's okay," she murmured. "We're stronger than her. We'll survive."

"I don't believe you." My voice caught. "You don't understand how easy it was to imagine those things. They're all so real. They're all going to happen."

She pulled back, and I felt the loss of her body against mine. Her hands came up to cup my face like I'd done to her when I gave her my magic. She pressed her forehead against mine, breath fanning against my lips. "Christian whatever happens, happens. All we can do is our best. Thankfully our best is pretty fucking good."

A small, hysterical laugh left my lips. "But what if it's not good enough?"

She lifted a shoulder. "Then it's not good enough. There's nothing we can do about it."

My eyes fluttered shut, and I struggled to keep myself together. My hands rested on her waist, fingers biting into the skin there. "I don't know how to deal with this," I murmured. It wasn't just the impending attack, it was everything.

It was having Rose here, body pressed against mine, lips centimetres from mine, and being unable to take that final step.

I dropped my hands and took a step back, entire body on fire. I couldn't keep doing this.

Only Rose followed, moulding her body against mine, and kissing me.

My hand returned to her waist, the other tangling in her hair. Those dark brown waves were soft between my fingers, and I urged her closer, until there was no part of us separated. Our kiss turned open-mouthed and desperate, her fingers so tight in my hair that it hurt in the best way possible.

My cock was hard against my pants, and a low groan sounded in the back of my throat as we devoured each other.

The heat that had been building was finally unleashed, and it was just as good as I'd expected. Every inch of me longed to keep her with me forever.

Eventually we had to separate to breathe. Rose didn't fling herself away from me like I'd expected, but rest her head against my chest, arms wrapping around my torso. She held me so tight it got hard to breathe, and I felt the tears seep through my clothes.

I held her back, chin resting on top of her head, and fighting down the urge to scream in frustration.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have—"

"It's okay," I murmured back, eyes stinging.

It was bound to happen eventually, us caving to the temptation. But it had ended at just a kiss. That was better than nothing.

"I didn't—" she started again, but I cut her off.

"There's no point in talking about it," I said. "Come on, let's just go to the library and try to pretend it didn't happen." My heart was so heavy in my chest it felt like I was lugging an extra weight about. I just wished Lissa had never existed.

Only then Rose and I would have never become this close in the first place.

It was a bitter realisation that the only obstacle in our relationship was the reason it had begun.

Rose pulled back and didn't look at me, swiping her eyes and taking a shuddering breath. "Okay." Her voice didn't crack. "Just pretend it didn't happen."


	17. Chapter 17

_Another chapter! I'm on fire._

 _Thank you so much to bucket13, .Love and Ex2See for the reviews! I'm so glad people are enjoying the book. Right now I'm thinking there are going to be about 37/38 chapters, so there's still a lot to come!_

* * *

 **Seventeen**

 _Rose_

Christian and I sat at the back of the conference. It was the third day of the week-long event, and there was an excited murmur around the crowd today. We tried to pick up on some of the rumours, but people didn't want to talk to us. The most we got was "apparently there's going to be an exciting announcement today," which didn't tell us much of anything.

And then the Queen was taking the microphone. For the most part she'd just sat in the back and observed, clearly taking notes and re-evaluating who she liked and disliked among her Royal Court.

Now, though, she stood at the helm, and everyone paid attention. A hush settled over the room.

"Now, I know a lot of people have been asking why a conference like this has been called now, and why it has been called here, at St. Vladimir's."

There was a sinking feeling in my gut, and Christian stiffened beside me.

"There have been a number of threats levelled against this school, and in particular one of its students. It would appear Moira Ozera was not killed, and is still at large, gathering an army with which she plans to attack the school."

Whispers broke out across the crowd, and I found myself taking Christian's hand in mine when the first set of eyes found him out in the crowd. Most were focused on Tasha, who sat in the front row.

Lissa's eyes were among them. Shock radiated through the bond; she'd had no idea this was going to happen today either.

Christian tightened his hold on my hand, and we kept them between our bodies where no one could see.

"The threat is imminent, and we need a quick resolution about how to defend this school and its inhabitants. This is why I encourage you to begin seeing eye-to-eye and we can get to the real meaning of this conference, finding a defence plan for the _children_ that currently occupy St. Vladimir's."

Her emphasis on children to jerk people back to the reality instead of gossip had its intended effect.

In the front row, Tasha was barely managing to restrain her rage. She'd obviously not known this was about to happen. In her lap she was furiously writing notes on something, and I guessed she was going to be the first person to stand up and follow the Queen's speech.

This was her time to capitalise on the shock and make people understand. I just didn't know what she was going to say to make it happen.

The Queen took her seat, and gestured to Tasha, who was up and at a microphone before anyone even had a chance to blink.

"I understand the fear that Moroi have when it comes to using offensive magic. You have families, you have people who care about, and you don't want to risk your necks when there are Guardians to do it for you. I understand that." It looked like it was physically painful for her to say the words, but she did it. "That doesn't mean that we can't be useful with our magic in the fight against Strigoi. Defensive magic exists, too. You can stand behind your line of Guardians and suffocate an oncoming Strigoi; you can stand behind your line of Guardians and destabilise a Strigoi before it can kill your Guardian and come straight for you." She took a moment to look around the room and meet eyes with people. "You can help your Guardians before they even go into battle."

Christian and I looked at each other, and suddenly we knew where this speech was going. "She can't," he whispered.

"She's going to," I muttered back, forcing myself to drop his hand. When everyone in the hall turned their attention to us in a minute, we definitely didn't need anyone saying that.

"A demonstration, I think," Tasha said, eyes finding ours. She had the decency to look apologetic. She'd only come up with this plan whilst the Queen was announcing her family's problem, so I guessed I couldn't find myself too angry with her. "Christian, Rose. Come to the front."

Liss's shock ran through the bond once more, and she watched us descend from the back of the stalls where we'd been trying to hide ourselves away. We just wanted to listen, not participate.

Forcing ourselves to our feet, we went down to the empty space in the middle of the hall. Every pair of eyes in there was watching us, including the Queen. Tasha didn't move from behind her spot at the microphone.

"My nephew is going to perform a piece of defensive magic that would help protect his Guardian from a Strigoi attack."

Christian and I stood opposite each other, and Tasha explained how it worked over the microphone as he took his hands in mine and we met each other's gaze. I tried to block Liss out as best I could. The second she'd seen us together her sadness had struck, but now we were all but holding hands in front of her, she was filled with such a strong anger and despair that I wanted to go and comfort her.

Wanted to go and lie to her that this was all part of the spell—as Tasha was _stressing_ over loudspeaker—and that I didn't care about her ex-boyfriend so much it hurt sometimes.

Christian's performed the spell and I felt the magic seeping into me, the end of my fingertips tingled with a power I couldn't quite place. Then Christian dropped my hands, managing to control his flinch, knowing that showing he was in pain would deter the people watching.

Tasha grinned with satisfaction.

"Robert Lazar." She picked a man on the opposite side of the front row, who was one of her biggest opponents in the debating. "Touch her."

There was a murmuring around the crowd once more, and Robert scoffed. "Touch her?"

I walked over to him, to save him the stress of getting out of his seat, and held my hand out towards him.

He looked at me suspiciously, at the orange aura that surrounded me, and then touched my hand.

He went all out to grip it, and jerked backwards like he'd been shocked. Which, really, he had.

The murmuring from the crowd got louder. "What is that?" he demanded, cradling his hand.

"That is a spell that will protect a Dhampir from a Strigoi when touched. That effect is even stronger against Strigoi." I returned to Christian in the centre, and Liss had calmed down through the bond. It was amazement that took forefront, and she watched my glowing form in wonder. And then a stab of bitterness that her magic wasn't the kind that could do that.

"You can go and sit down now," Tasha said. "Thank you for the demonstration."

Christian and I all but scampered to the back of the room and barely listened to the rest of the debate. There were questions as to why Christian couldn't go around all the Dhampirs and perform the spell, about whether anyone but fire wielders could help.

In general, it was a positive discussion, though. Tasha had managed to turn the debate on its head. Her plan was obvious. Ease people into it with "defensive" magic, until she's secretly teaching them how to be offensive, and they realise how much they could help.

Christian sucked the magic out of me as soon as we sat down, and I didn't know what to say to him. "It was stronger again today," I told him. "You're getting better."

"Or maybe my need to protect you is getting stronger," he muttered in response, shutting his eyes for a second. "Come on, let's get out of here. I'm sick of hearing about all this stuff. I need a break. My Aunt's got it covered."

Liss saw us slip away, and I felt her make the decision to follow. "Liss is coming to speak to us," I told Christian as we exited the hall. "I don't know what about."

He sighed. "Okay. I guess we can wait here for her." He frowned. "She's not about to scream at you for holding my hand in public is she?"

My lip quirked. "She got over that pretty quickly when she saw why."

Liss turned the corner and was surprised to see us stood waiting for her. Eddie was trailing just behind her. She chuckled. "I guess I should have known you'd be able to feel my intentions through the bond. It's been so weird not seeing you for so long that I almost forget it exists." She turned to beam at Christian, though I could feel it was forced. "That was really impressive magic in there."

I could practically see the wheels in Christian's mind turning, wanting to know what she was after. "Thanks."

"Look, I know that we're maybe not on good terms right now. I haven't really spoken to you to find out, but I just want us to be friends. I mean, right now I feel like we all need all the friends we can get and, I don't know, I just don't want us to be on bad terms." Secretly she was hoping this would all lead them back into being together, but it was an honest intention, too. If she couldn't be with Christian, she didn't want to lose his friendship either.

"We're not on bad terms, as long as you don't want to be," Christian said. He wanted to do this without an audience, but Eddie and I had no choice but to stay with our charges. "Of course I'd like to be friends."

She beamed. "Okay, well, I'm glad. We should hang out, the four of us, at some point. I've been missing you guys so much."

And I'd been missing Liss too, in between my massive bouts of guilt. I'd kissed her ex-boyfriend that she was still very much in love with last night. I didn't have the right to miss spending time with her.

"Of course we can," he said, glancing at me for just a second. "You should come with us to visit Aunt Tasha. She misses you, too."

"I'd like that." Something inside Liss settled. I hadn't realised how terrified she was that Christian hated her; that he didn't even want to talk to her anymore. "Tonight?"

"Sure. I'll let you know what time we're heading out there."

Liss didn't want to overstay her welcome, but before she left she launched herself at me and wrapped me in a hug. "I've missed you Rose. I'll see you tonight and we can catch up, though, right?"

I hugged her back, tighter than I meant to, and she gave me a grin before her and Eddie disappeared. Eddie gave me a real smile, and I hoped he was getting over my revelation about Dimitri.

"You okay?" Christian asked when they were gone.

My chest was aching more than normal, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. "I'm fine. You?"

"Surprisingly, yes. I hadn't expected that."

"Me neither. But, I'm glad."

We stood there for a moment, taking in everything that had happened. "I want to go have another look at that book," Christian decided. "Fuck school work, learning the stuff in there is the most important thing right now. Especially if we can find more defensive spells to help my Aunt."

"Good idea," I agreed, as we headed back to the dorms. "You know we don't have to spend a lot of time with Liss if you don't want. She'd understand."

"I want to. She was my closest friend for months. I hadn't realised how much I was going to miss her, even if I didn't want to be with her anymore. If we can really be friends, I'd like that."

"She's still hoping you'll get back together," I felt the need to warn him. It wasn't an entirely innocent request.

"I figured. But about being friends, she means it?"

"Yeah, she'll settle with being friends if you really don't want to be together."

"Okay, well, good." He paused. "You don't… you don't mind, do you?"

I frowned. "Of course not."

"I just, I'm putting you in a bit of a shitty position."

"Not really. I want you and Liss to both be happy, if that means being friends then I'm all for it."

"I just don't want to make you feel guilty all the time."

"I already do, so don't worry about that." He nudged my shoulder with his, and I mustered a small smile. "It'll all be okay eventually," I decided. "It has to be, one way or another."

We reached his room and both moved to the bed, too exhausted to do anything else after the spectacle that had been made of us today. We didn't touch; that night after we'd fallen asleep together I'd resumed my bed on the floor and we hadn't spoken about it since. The same with the kiss.

Pretending that it hadn't happened—at least out loud—was in full effect.


	18. Chapter 18

_Another new chapter is here! The battle comes in Chapter Twenty-Three, so there's still quite a bit to happen before then. It's mostly Rose/Christian's relationship developing before the massive coming battle._

 _Hope this chapter is enjoyable!_

* * *

 **Eighteen**

 _Rose_

The six of us sat squashed into the little cabin, all with books on our knees. Christian sat beside me, but we made a conscious effort not to get too comfortable. There was no resting his head in my lap this time.

I flicked through the pages. Most of them were offensive moves that served the same purpose: shooting fire at the enemy. Doing anything more than sending fire in their direction was showier than we needed.

There'd been a few that we'd written on our master list and bookmarked, though. One which created a defensive line of fire on the ground. We figured it could be a similar technique for earth wielders to manipulate the ground.

I skimmed over the page in my hand, and my lips quirked. The picture showed someone manipulating a flame into a whip, and hitting another person on the ass with it.

I nudged Christian and showed him the picture. He grinned, fangs on full show, and his eyes sparkling.

I felt Lissa's pang of jealousy at our easy interaction and hurriedly went back to the book I was reading. Christian did the same, though there was still a small quirk on his lips. I glared at him. "Don't get any ideas," I muttered.

He chuckled, flicking over the page of his own book.

An alarm blared into the cabin, and we all jumped, looking towards Lissa. She flushed, grabbing her phone and turning it off. "Sorry, I have a meeting with the Queen. I had to set an alarm so I didn't forget."

She put a bookmark in the book to show where she'd gotten up to and stood up. Eddie followed suit. Tasha stood up, too, and took the book from her. She enveloped her in a quick hug. "It was good to see you, Liss. Hopefully we'll see you again soon. You too, Eddie."

"Of course! I love it up here in the cabin, it's so cosy." She turned to me and Christian, who were still sat on the floor side-by-side. We'd given up the couch for Lissa and Eddie, and the table for Tasha and Dimitri. "I'll see you guys on campus at some point. We can get together and study."

"Sure, Liss." Christian smiled. "I'd get up now, but my legs have gone numb."

She laughed. "No worries. See you later."

We all said our goodbyes, and Christian got to his feet, offering me a hand up. "I'm never being that chivalrous again. The floor is way too uncomfortable."

We both collapsed onto the couch, still reading our books. This time I put my feet up over the arm of the sofa and rested my back against Christian's arm.

"I really don't know why this guy felt the need to learn how to throw balls of fire in every shape under the sun," I muttered. "I mean, does throwing a cube rather than a sphere really make that much difference?"

Christian laughed. "Tell me about it. Oh." He turned a page. "This looks good." He turned to show me. It was a picture of someone conjuring a wall of fire. "I bet water and earth wielders could use this, too."

Tasha snatched the book from his hands to have a look. "I'll add it to the list," she agreed, then yawned. "I've really had enough of this for tonight." She started rummaging through cupboards. "I just want a family night, for fun. We never get to just chill out without something hanging over us anymore."

Both Christian and I raised a brow when she retrieved a bottle of wine from the cupboard and some wine glasses. A pack of cards came next. "Do you two fancy just relaxing for a change?"

"Actually, relaxing sounds really good," I agreed, knowing that Christian was waiting for me to confirm that was what I wanted before he did. "I forgot that word even existed."

Dimitri set his book aside, too, and we all settled in. Dimitri and Tasha pulled their dining chairs around the coffee table and Tasha poured the wine. "Considering what you've both been going through, I feel like you're old enough to deal with a bit of wine."

"I don't doubt that Rose has dealt with more than a bit of wine in her time," Dimitri teased.

I held my hands up defensively. "You have no proof."

Christian snatched the pack of cards from the table and began shuffling. I watched his hands work as he perfected some fancy technique. "Since when are you some kind of card whiz?"

"Me and Aunt Tasha always used to play cards," he explained. "With my parents before. My dad taught me how to do all the fancy shuffling."

Tasha was staring at him, eyebrows raised, but he paid her no mind.

"I've never played cards before," I admitted. "I mean, beyond snap, anyway. I vote for that. I'm sure I have better reflexes than you."

He grinned at me. "Absolutely not. I am going to savour this night of destroying you."

I scoffed. "I'm a quick learner."

"We'll see."

We ended up playing a game called Whist. It was simple enough, and yet somehow I managed to lose every time.

"This is so unfair," I complained as Christian gathered the cards in again. "I was hoping you'd somehow be just as bad as me, Comrade."

"You know my family is massive. I grew up playing cards, too."

"So unfair."

I'd drained a glass of wine by this point, though my tolerance was still relatively high. A pleasant buzz sat on my mind. A bottle worked out at about one glass each between the four of us, and Tasha retrieved another bottle to pour.

"Why am I beyond unsurprised that you're a sore loser?" Christian teased, dealing the cards.

"Why am I beyond unsurprised you're a sore winner?" I fired back.

"I know which I'd rather be."

I turned to Dimitri. "Is there some kind of massive tactic that I'm missing here?" I begged.

"I think you've been a bit unlucky, to be honest," he said.

"Please. That means there is and you're unwilling to tell me."

Tasha was watching us all with the biggest grin on her face. She looked beautiful normally, but here she was in her element and stunning wasn't adequate. Dimitri, when he looked at her, was the epitome of a man in love. My chest ached in the best way possible. "It's okay Rose, after a few more games you start remembering cards, and then it gets better," Tasha said.

"I don't know if I can sit through Christian's smug smile for another few games."

" _Sore loser,_ " Christian chorused.

I flicked his forehead, and picked up the wine Tasha had just poured. "Thanks."

We played a few more rounds, until I was slamming down my final card with a victorious, "ha!" I grinned. "In your face."

Christian smirked. "Yep, that's ten for me, one for you. Congrats on getting onto the scoreboard."

"Please, just let me bask in my victory."

Dimitri and Tasha watched us with an amused smile, and I leant back on the couch, the alcohol definitely getting to my head by now. Christian set the cards down on the table and leant back on the other side of the couch. It wasn't very big, so our thighs pushed together. It was a comforting presence I didn't think I'd ever get used to having.

"What time actually is it?" he asked. "I don't know if Dimitri will mind walking us back if it's past curfew again."

I wondered when Christian had started thinking of him as Dimitri instead of Belikov.

"I don't mind," he assured us. His face had relaxed from the wine, too. He checked his watch. "And yeah, it's already an hour past curfew."

"Damn, time really flies," Tasha said. "It's been nice, though. It's so long since we've done something like this. Did I tell you about the last time I visited our cousins over in England?" Tasha asked Christian.

I drained the last of my wine and put the glass on the coffee table, sinking down in my seat and placing my feet in Christian's lap. He rested his hands on them without hesitation, answering Tasha's question. "You didn't."

"We played cards and drank then, too. God, if you thought Rose was competitive, you've seen nothing. They were smashing their shot glasses against the wall by the end of it. It was a little bit terrifying."

"I assume you won," Christian teased. "And that's why they were all smashing glasses."

"They couldn't quite believe that this American woman was crushing their dreams."

"When was the last time you were in Russia?" I asked Dimitri. He was glowing in this environment, too. He must be missing his family like crazy.

"About three years ago now, just before I was assigned to the school."

"We're planning to visit, though," Tasha said. "After Christian's graduated." _After we've survived my sister's onslaught_ , was left unsaid. "We thought he might like to come too. See somewhere outside of America for a change."

"That's great," I grinned.

This was obviously news to Christian, who looked equally as excited by the news.

No doubt I'd be living in court with Lissa by then.

The sudden of question of whether Lissa and I were compatible rocked me, but I forced myself to ignore it. Compatibility wasn't an issue; being her Guardian was my duty, not my choice.

"That would definitely be fun," Christian said.

A yawn escaped my mouth and I felt the weight behind my eyes. "Sorry," I apologised.

"You better not fall asleep here," he warned. "There's no way in hell I'm sleeping on a couch because my Guardian drank too much, and I'm not carrying you home."

I smirked. "You think you could carry me home?"

He arched an eyebrow. "Are you doubting me?"

"I'd have used the word _challenging_."

"Wow. You have so little faith in me, Rose." My name rolled off his lips and I felt the shudder down my spine as he moved my legs off his lap to stand in front of me. He looked around the small cabin warily. "I don't want to break anything."

"Do you really want to be witness to how good I am at being a sore winner?" I teased.

He narrowed his eyes and slipped one arm under my knees, and the other around my shoulders, and hiked me into his arms. I gave a little shriek and wrapped my arms around his neck, laughing when I realised he'd lifted me as if I weighed nothing.

"I guess doing magic takes more effort than I always thought," I teased, allowing him to carry me out of the little cabin and into the cold sunrise.

"Damn right it does," he muttered. "I'm going to put you back down now."

I nodded and let him put me back on my feet, managing to unwrap my arms from his neck without hesitation. Dimitri was pulling his shoes on and Tasha stood in the doorway chuckling at us.

"I'll see you two tomorrow, and I'll see you in a few minutes." She gave Dimitri a peck on the cheek, and he wandered over to us.

I only realised how close I was still standing to Christian when we set off walking back to campus, and I had to move away from him. "I wish I had fire magic," I complained, wrapping my arms around myself. "You're always so warm."

Christian chuckled and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "It does come in handy."

"I've never done anything like that before, you know," I told him as we walked. "Like, a family thing. It was nice." I turned to Dimitri. "You guys are here indefinitely, right?"

"Yes."

"We should do that again, then."

"I'm sure Aunt Tasha will be up for that. She loves hosting."

"She's good at it."

"I didn't realise you'd be a sappy drunk, Rose," Christian teased.

"Please. You've seen me drunk enough times to know that I'm a depressed drunk, not a sappy one."

"I think it depends on why you're drinking what kind of drunk you turn into."

I laughed. "Fair point. Besides, I'm hardly drunk. Pleasantly tipsy."

"Maybe you're a sappy pleasantly tipsy person, then."

"I should probably avoid drinking past this stage in future."

"What happens to the bond when you drink?" Christian asked.

"It numbs it."

"Oh, that's strange. Is it weird? Not having Lissa in your head?"

"It's kind of a relief, to be honest. Constantly having someone else's thoughts pressing on your mind, it takes a toll. I wouldn't be surprised if loads of shadow-kissed people have become alcoholics. I mean, it's fine when she's happy, but she's not always happy." I lifted a shoulder. "You live with it, though. I'm pretty good at ignoring it most of the time."

"I never thought about it like that," Dimitri mused from the side. "I only ever considered the advantages."

"I mean the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages, really."

"Do you think it would be strange being apart from her?" Christian asked, hand tightening on my arm. "I mean, I know it's like a mental bond, but do you think if you were away from her for a long period of time it'd… I don't know, do something?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure, to be honest. I doubt it'll ever happen for me to test it out."

"Yeah, I guess so," he murmured.

Dimitri nodded at the Guardian on duty again and they let us through without question. I tried my best to look as sober as possible. "And to think you used to be such a stickler for the rules," I teased Dimitri.

He chuckled. "Feels kind of refreshing to not have to work here anymore and patrol people."

"I knew you were secretly wanting to break the rules."

We got back to Christian's dorm room, and I to try and make light of the fact I'd walked the entire way practically crushed against Christian's warm side, I leant forward and gave Dimitri a quick hug. "Thanks for walking us back, and for the mini-party. It was a lot of fun."

"No problem. I had a good time."

We said out goodnights, and Christian and I started getting ready for bed. I was the second one to come out of the bathroom, and Christian was already in bed. I slipped in beside him, and instead of asking what I was doing, he just wrapped his arms around me, and held me from behind.

"I really like your Aunt," I said into the darkness, embraced in his warmth.

He chuckled. "She really likes you too."

"I hope so."

"She's told me she does. And that was at the ski lodge, when you were being a bitch to her, so she definitely likes you now."

I groaned. "Oh God, don't remind me. It feels like years ago since then. I can't believe I was such a child."

I could feel Christian's grin where his face was pressed into my neck. "And that was around the time I thought setting someone on fire would be a good idea to impress a girl, so we're probably even."


	19. Chapter 19

_Next chapter is up! I've been getting lots more reviews and it's making me so happy! The motivation is real. Hopefully there should be another up tomorrow._

* * *

 **Nineteen**

 _Christian_

When we made ourselves go to breakfast the next morning, it was just as bad as I'd been expecting. People stared, pointed and whispered, and I felt Rose stiffen beside me every time it happened.

"It's okay," I told her. "It's not a big deal."

She shot daggers at everyone who stared too hard. "It is a big deal. I can't believe I was one of those judgemental wankers six months ago. I feel like such an arse."

I chuckled. "If you've reformed then I'm sure others can to."

"I feel like such a hypocrite for being as annoyed as I am by this. I know how it feels, though, so I don't understand how you look so calm about all of this."

I'd found myself feeling sorry for Rose when everyone had been calling her a blood whore, even if we hadn't gotten along back then. "I've gone my whole life with this," I said. "When I was with Lissa it calmed down a bit, I know, but I'm used to it. It was a hell of a lot worse when they first turned, and I was a lot younger. Nothing is going to be worse than that."

The guilt was clouded all over her face. "I'm such a bastard."

I sighed. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad. It's fine, really. I'm glad you're on my side now."

In the cafeteria we took a seat at Liss, Eddie and Adrian's table, and all said our hellos. It was the first time we'd seen Adrian in what felt like forever, and he sent a beaming smile in Rose's direction.

"How was your meeting with the Queen?" she asked Liss. "Anything interesting?"

"She's switched to Tasha's side. At least she has now you've gone in this defensive magic direction. It was a good plan."

"Yeah, I think she must have been mulling it over since I showed her the protection spell the night before. I just wish she hadn't made us give a demonstration." I rolled my eyes. That much attention was the last thing I ever wanted.

"It made the impact she needed, though," Adrian said. "My dad still hasn't shut up about it."

"I suppose it's worth it, then," Rose agreed in between mouthfuls of pancakes. "If the Queen is on our side then that's good. I guess the wheels are in motion to start actually doing something about the magic situation, then."

"I think that by the end of this week there will be, but I've got no idea how it's going to work. I guess it'll just be the people in St. Vlad's that start off with it. They're the ones who are going to need it in the immediate future." She looked down suddenly, and Rose's eyebrows shot up into her forehead.

"You should take her up on that offer," she said, staring Lissa down. "You should do it, one hundred percent."

Eddie, Adrian and I all looked between us, but neither made a move to explain what was going on.

"You know I can't do that," Lissa whispered. "I can't just run away, I'm not a coward."

"You're the last Dragomir, Liss. If the Queen is offering you an out, then you take it. You don't just sit around here waiting to get killed."

"But my magic could be useful when it happens. I can heal people."

"It's not going to be worth risking your life."

"You're my best friend, of course you're going to say that."

Rose massaged her temples. "Everyone would agree with me. Christian—" she turned to me "—the Queen has offered to take Liss to Court for the rest of the year, until this attack has happened. What do you think she should do?"

"You should leave, obviously," I said, not missing a beat. "Liss no one is going to think less of you for protecting your family line. You know how important that is."

Rose turned to Eddie and Adrian, who both nodded their agreement.

Liss looked like she'd already caved. She'd probably been looking for an excuse to take up the offer, anybody would have done, especially in her position. "Rose, would you come with me? Back to Court?"

"I couldn't Liss," Rose denied.

"You could. The Queen already approved it, I asked her during our meeting."

Rose shook her head, though. "No, I mean, I couldn't leave this place. I can help defend it, you know that. I'm staying here."

"Rose you're in just as much danger as I am. You need to come back to Court with me."

"You won't be alone; Adrian will be going with you. It's fine. You should go, but I need to stay."

"You should go, you know," I said, my heart constricting. All those visions I'd had when putting the protection spell on her, and they could all be wiped away if she accepted this help.

She stared me down. "I'm not leaving." Her eyes definitely weren't lying now; she had no intention of taking Lissa's offer. I opened my mouth to argue further, but she grimaced at me, and I shut it again.

I'd take up the argument with her again later.

"Rose, please," Lissa begged.

She shook her head. "I'm sorry Liss, but I need to be here. Besides, this is why I was assigned to Christian in the field experience, Alberta thinks that I can help when this attack comes, and she's right."

We were interrupted by a guy sidling up to our table. He must have been in the year below us, because I didn't recognise him. He cleared his throat when the weight of our gazes all settled on him. "Erm, Christian, right? I was wondering if I could talk to you about something."

Rose narrowed her gaze at the boy, but I couldn't see anything that said he was here to do something bad. I hesitated. "Er, sure." I stood up and Rose joined me. "Be right back," I told the table.

We followed the boy out of the cafeteria into a quiet alcove. "I, erm, wanted to ask you something." He fumbled over his words, and Rose had relaxed now she knew he was more nervous than malicious. "It's about offensive magic. I'm a fire user too, and I wanted to learn."

My eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Of course! I've been listening in on the debates, and your Aunt is right. I don't understand what's wrong with everyone arguing against it. I just want to help. I've talked to a few friends about it, but no one else was willing to come and ask you. I just, I wanted to ask if you could teach us."

My automatic reaction was to deny him help, but I weighed the idea over in my mind. If it was just a small group, I could probably do something to help them. Besides, they were all so young they'd be locked up when the actual battle happened anyway. I looked to Rose. "Thoughts?" I asked her.

She grinned. "I think Kirova would hate it, and I'm always up for pissing Kirova off."

"Really?" The guy beamed at us. "My friends will be so excited."

"Look, this thing needs to stay quiet if it's going to happen," I told him. "Kirova wouldn't be keen on it, and I'm not looking to get into trouble, but someone needs to start teaching people. Meet me out by the lake tomorrow night after dinner, all right?"

He nodded. "Great. I'll see you then."

He left, and Rose went to return to the cafeteria, but I grabbed her arm. "Rose, you have to think about going to Court. At least consider it, please."

She stopped and sighed, looking up at me with those big brown eyes. "You know I can't do it Christian. I don't even want to. I want to stay here, with you, and make a stand. I'm not running away."

"You just told Lissa that it wouldn't be running away."

"Yeah, I just told the Royal Moroi who's the last of her line that it wouldn't be running away. I'm a Dhampir, this is what I was raised to do."

" _Please_ ," I was resorting to begging, but it was all I knew how to do. "I don't want you to die."

"I don't want to die, either, but that doesn't mean I'm going to Court." Her hand wrapped around my forearm. What would have normally been comforting only told me how much I had to lose. "If it wasn't your mum, coming here for you, I'd be telling Lissa to take you to Court, and I'd be coming with you. But you have to be here, and so I have to be here, too. I'm sorry."

She dropped my arm just as Lissa called our names from the entrance of the dinner hall. We went over, and I couldn't control my black expression. Rose shifted uncomfortably at the side of me. "What was that about?" Lissa asked, sending a wary look in my direction.

"Some kids want Christian to teach them offensive magic," she answered for me, so I didn't end up snapping at someone. "He said he would."

"That's good," Eddie said. "I just wish it wasn't left to another student to actually get things rolling."

"Yeah, but I guess it has to start somewhere," Rose replied. "Anyway, we have to get to class. Catch you guys later."

Adrian joined us, though, and his gaze was fixed on Rose. "Rose you have to go to Court," he said.

She bristled. "I've already made my final decision, I'm not leaving."

"You're not even a Guardian," Adrian hissed. "You're a student, a novice, you don't need to be here. This isn't your _job_."

"It doesn't matter if it's my job, it matters if I can help. You think I should run away when I can kill Strigoi? When I can help defend?"

Adrian stepped right in front of her and forced her to come to a standstill, gripping both her upper-arms. Normally I would have been ready to set him on fire, but today I had to agree with him. "You're being offered a get out of jail free card. Take it."

"He's right," I said, unable to stop myself. "You have to go to Court. Lissa needs you to be alive."

"Don't play that card on me," she accused, tears welling in her eyes, but not falling. "I'm not going, no matter what anyone says. Just accept it, and move on."

"You know that's not going to happen," I argued. "Just _think_ about it. At least think about it."

"I have thought about it, and I've given my answer." She shook herself out of Adrian's grip. "We're going to be late for class Christian. Let's go."

Adrian and I shared a glance, and for the first time in forever, we agreed on something.

We had to get Rose on that plane to Court.


	20. Chapter 20

_Sorry for the delay between updates! I'm travelling so I've been a bit busy! Next one should be up soon._

* * *

 **Twenty**

 _Christian_

When Rose and I got to the lake after dinner the next day, there were a group of about ten students waiting for us. It was more than I'd expected, and the pressure began to build on my shoulders.

I hadn't told my Aunt about it, at least not yet. I didn't want to her to say she'd help and then for her to get into trouble. She wasn't just a school kid that could get away with breaking a few rules, and she was key to getting offensive magic actually being practised. Involving her in this little club would be a terrible idea.

Everyone's chatter calmed when Rose and I got to their meeting. They watched us with just a bit of apprehension.

I cleared my throat, and had no idea how to go about this. It was only ten people, but I could still feel their eyes on me, and it was more attention than I was used to. "All right, everyone. Welcome, I guess. So, you want to learn offensive magic. I think I should start out by being frank, it's not a straightforward process. You won't be throwing fireballs after one lesson. And, a word of warning that I'm a fire user, and I don't know how well these lessons will translate into wielding the other elements, but I think it'll be a learning experience for everyone. So, could you split yourselves up into the different elements? It makes sense to learn according to what your element is best at."

They split into four groups. There was only one water user, and one air user, and the rest were fire and earth. Fire had the most people, thankfully, at five.

Rose stayed stationed beside me, and her presence made me feel calmer.

"Okay. I think we'll start with something basic." I could remember when Aunt Tasha had first started teaching me offensive magic, and what techniques she'd used. "Offensive magic comes down to having very strong control over your element. You can't manipulate it to do offensive things unless you can control it, otherwise it becomes destructive, especially something like fire. Being able to send a fireball doesn't help anything if you can't direct where you're sending it.

"Now, I want you to all command your element into a ball." I conjured a fireball. "I want a perfect sphere, and then I want you to hold it for as long as possible in that shape."

There were a few mutters of disappointment from the group of students, like I'd been expecting.

"Tell me," I asked the boy in the front, who was grumbling. "You're in battle and your Guardian is fighting a Strigoi. You set the Strigoi on fire. If you can't hold your ball of fire in a perfect sphere, what chance do you think you have of setting you Guardian on fire and killing the both of you instead of helping out?"

His grumbling ceased, and I nodded. "Exactly. Now, give it a try, and see what you can come up with."

Rose chuckled when they started trying to complete their task. "It's funny that they're all scared of you," she murmured. "You should give them a real demonstration of what you can do, then they'd be quaking in their boots."

"Well, I'm kind of planning on doing that." I grabbed a book out of my rucksack. "I have a spell that I want to try and learn."

I showed her the picture and let her read the text. Her eyebrows raised. "Oh wow, this looks intense."

"Intense, but really helpful." It was a spell that would create a dome of fire around someone. If I learnt it, then I could protect myself from being targeted by Strigoi. "Apparently it takes less energy than the spell that I did to Ralf. Because you're holding an easier shape rather than the shape of a moving person."

"Sounds good," Rose agreed.

"Right, I'm going to go see my students—" we both chuckled at that "—and see if I can actually help them with something."

By the end of the less we hadn't had chance to look at the spell I wanted to. It turned out that only learning magic through Mrs. Cormac meant you hadn't learnt much magic at all. But, by the end of the lesson, nearly everyone had managed to hold their sphere for at least five minutes, which was a significant improvement.

"Okay." When we'd been at it for an hour, I called them to a halt. "I know that was a disappointing first lesson, but it was crucial. Rose seems to think that maybe a demonstration of what it's building up to might help everyone."

There were eager nods from the group.

Rose stood opposite me, a grin on her face. I knew she liked watching me practice my magic. She stood stock still, and acted as my dummy.

"If you set my hair on fire I'm going to be the one cremating you," she warned me, tying it into a ponytail.

I grinned. "Why do you always have so little faith in me?"

I started by sending an onslaught of fireballs towards her, mapping the outline of her figure, and coming dangerously close to her. Then I conjured the same spell I'd used on Ralph, coating her body on fire that didn't touch her. I was impressed when she didn't even flinch. I'd never used it on her before.

Everyone in the group gasped, and I let the spell drop after a minute. That one was draining. "Obviously in a real fight you wouldn't be trying to keep it off the person, and so it would take a lot less energy," I explained.

Rose beamed at me.

"Wielding magic for long periods of time is a lot more physical than you'd have thought. You're going to be exhausted and aching tomorrow, but you just have to power through it. Practice your spheres, and we'll meet here again on Wednesday. Okay?"

They all nodded.

"You sound like Dimitri," Rose teased. "He was all _you will ache, build your stamina_."

I laughed, gathering my bag off the floor and following the crowd back towards campus. "Do you want to go see my Aunt? I want to tell her about the dome spell." At least that's what I was going to tell Rose. What I really wanted was to speak to Dimitri.

"Sure."

We walked in comfortable silence, because I was struggling to have a conversation with Rose that didn't revolve around begging her to go to Court.

We knocked on the cabin door and Aunt Tasha let us in. Dimitri was sat on the couch, and I took the seat beside him, leaving Rose to sit at the table with my Aunt. I had no idea how I was going to get him alone to talk to him without it being ridiculously obvious.

Rose talked to them for a few minutes, but her eyes were trained on me, and I knew she was suspicious. I was normally the one who made jokes with my Aunt when we first got into the cabin.

I rested my head on my hand and tried to think of ideas.

"Dimka, we're running out of firewood. Would you mind going around the back and fetching some?"

"Oh, I can help," I said, standing up and following him out, hoping I hadn't jumped at the chance too obviously. "Dimitri," I began when the door had shut behind me. I had no idea how to word this. "Liss is going to Court with the Queen at the end of the week and Rose has the option to go with her, but she won't go. I don't know how to convince her. I figured you might have more chance than me, or at least have some better idea of what to tell her to make her change her mind."

Dimitri chuckled. "You won't get Roza to change her mind. If she's decided she's staying, then she's staying. Especially since you don't have a valid argument, as far as she's concerned. Protecting her own safety doesn't matter to her."

I wanted to rip my hair out. "I have to find some way to convince her. She could die."

"She knows that." Dimitri stopped around the back of the cabin to meet my eyes. "I know you don't want her to get hurt, but she's never going to bend to that. She doesn't want you to get hurt, either, which is why she's staying. If the situation was reversed, you know you wouldn't be jetting off to Court, either. You'd be in the field fighting next to her." He lifted a shoulder. "She's not going to leave. Besides, I don't think she should leave. She'll be able to help. She might help save lives."

"How can you say that, when you care about her? She _might die_ ," I stressed again. All those visions were haunting me.

"Because I'm a Dhampir, and it's how I've been raised. _They come first_. It's all Rose knows, too. You won't convince her. I'd stop trying, and just do everything you can to make sure we're on the winning side on the day."

I ran a hand through my hair. "I know you're right, it's just hard to swallow, I guess."

"I'm a hypocrite," he admitted. "I spent a solid week trying to convince your Aunt to go back to the house and get away from the school, but she wasn't having any of it. There's nothing we can do. We'll just have to fight it out on the day and hope for the best."

I sighed. "I guess you're right. God, I'm so not ready for all this heavy bullshit. I've not even left school yet. How did this happen?"

Dimitri clapped a hand on my shoulder. "It's not fair, that's for sure. Roza is lucky to have you around, though." He grabbed some wood. "We should go back inside."

"I'm sure Rose already knows what I've attempted and failed to do," I chuckled, loading up my arms with wood.


	21. Chapter 21

**Twenty-One**

 _Rose_

Christian and Dimitri walked through the door, and I narrowed my eyes at them. "That wood took a suspiciously long time to collect," I directed towards Christian.

He lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. "I think we should head back, it's nearly curfew anyway."

I narrowed my eyes further, but didn't argue. Apparently his talk with Dimitri hadn't gone as he wanted it to. "Sure."

We said our goodbyes and headed back towards campus. Christian didn't say anything like I expected him to, but he took my hands and laced our fingers together. I didn't object, but squeezed his hand and hoped it gave him whatever reassurance he was looking for.

When we got onto campus we had to drop the hand-holding, but we walked so close together that our arms brushed against each other.

Back in his dorm, Christian began to pace. I stood in the centre of the room, watching him and feeling a slowly growing helplessness.

"Christian," I murmured, reaching out to grab his arm and stop him in front of me. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

"I'm sorry for arguing with you about Court. If I was in your position I wouldn't be leaving, either." He took a deep breath, and then I was suddenly pulled flush against him. He wrapped an arm around my back and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "It's just, I really care about you Rose, and I'm finding it really difficult to accept that you're not safe."

My breath caught, and I brought my hands up to rest on his chest. "I care about you too, Christian. So much."

Christian brought his head down so his face was buried in my neck. "We might die in the next few weeks, and I don't want to die never having got the chance to do everything." He pressed a kiss to my neck, and my head leant back automatically, giving him greater access. "I want to know what it's like to kiss you, to be with you, to fuck you," he murmured, voice raspy.

I moaned into the bedroom as he continued to trail kisses up to my ear.

He bit my lobe. "Let me love you, Rose."

I laced my hands through his hair and brought his lips to mine. Our kiss was frantic, and our hands were everywhere, dragging each other's clothes off. My body was on fire as we finally gave in to the tension that had been simmering between us for weeks now.

I hurried to undo the buttons on Christian's shirt, cursing his need to wear nice clothes. Christian had an easier job, breaking our kiss for just a minute to lift my top over my head and discard it somewhere in the room.

He started walking us backwards until we were lying on the bed, Christian hovering over me. I finally got his shirt off, and my fingers danced over the hard muscles of his chest. He'd been right about magic being physical. His body was sublime. I dug my fingers into his skin, relishing the fact I could finally touch him.

His hands were just as eager. They reached behind me to unclip my bra, and then his fingers were brushing over the hardened skin of my nipple. I gasped, arching into him. My legs wrapped around his waist and began pushing his trousers down.

"I don't think I can deal with foreplay," I told him, voice deep and ending on a moan as he took my nipple into his mouth. "I need you now."

"Fuck," he groaned when I took his cock in my hand. I couldn't find it in myself to be nervous about losing my virginity. The deep hunger in Christian's eyes when he looked at me was enough to get rid of any inhibitions.

He wanted me.

We kissed again as he worked to get my pants off. I took his bottom lip into my mouth and bit down, lifting my hips off the bed to help him.

And then we were both naked. Christian reached over to grab a condom from his bedside table.

He put the condom on and then he was trailing his hands down my body, fingers ghosting over my clit. I jerked with the jolt of pleasure, and found myself swallowing.

"Christian," I murmured. His gaze snapped to mine, and I resisted the urge to flinch. "I've never done this before."

His eyes widened just a bit, but he began kissing my neck, and any tension disappeared. "Just relax," he breathed against my skin, before his fingers slipped inside me. I moaned as he curled them and pleasure exploded through me.

And then he removed his fingers and I could feel his cock pressing against my entrance. I swallowed, and let myself relax into everything that was Christian. His hard body pressed completely against mine, his lips kissing my neck, his fingers rolling my nipple between them.

It hurt when he pushed into me, but not unbearably. It was a dull sting that I barely felt compared to the pleasure that his fingers were causing playing with my nipple.

He let me adjust for a moment, and then I pulled his head up and kissed him, hard. He pulled out and slammed back in again, and I moaned into the kiss. Every nerve was on fire, and I scrabbled to touch every part of Christian I could get my hands on. My nails raked down his back and my legs dug into his thighs as he fucked me in earnest.

"Fuck, Rose," he breathed against my skin, causing a shiver to run down my spine.

He reached between us, and his thumb worked against my clit.

I bit my lip to stop myself crying out. We still had neighbours in these dorms, and I definitely didn't want anyone knowing that Christian had been sleeping with someone when I was the only person that could be in his rooms.

Curses slipped between my lips as Christian brought me closer and closer to the edge, never tiring in his pace.

When I climaxed, I threw my head back and bit my hand to stop my scream. He slammed into me a couple more times before collapsing on top of me.

I welcomed his weight, humming in contentment as we clung onto each other.

"We should do that again," I told him, voice already drowsy. "Lots."

He chuckled, rolling off me and letting me curl into his side. "We should."

Facing each other, I finally got to tangle my legs through his and rest my head against his chest. "I've been wanting to cuddle like this for so long," I admitted. "But I was always scared to in case I gave in and kissed you." I reached up and pressed my lips to his, drawing him into a long, sensual kiss. "And now it doesn't matter."

We laid in silence for the longest time, fingers dancing over each other's naked skin, relishing the feeling of being this close, until I fell asleep. It was the most content I'd ever felt.


	22. Chapter 22

_Sorry for the long update wait! I have family visiting and it's been hectic._

 _The next chapter is the one you've all been waiting for, and it should be up in the next couple of days!_

* * *

 **Twenty-Two**

 _Christian_

We all huddled together on the blustering runway as Lissa and Adrian said their goodbyes. Lissa was going around hugging everyone, whereas Adrian stood in front of Rose still begging her to get on the plane.

I grasped his arm, dragging him out of earshot for a minute. "Just give her a proper goodbye," I told him, meeting his gaze. "If something happens and you spent the last few minutes shouting at her you'll regret it." My voice was darker than I'd ever heard, and my foul mood must have been oozing out of me.

Adrian stared at me for a second, before nodding, going back and enveloping Rose in a hug.

I looked away from them, and suddenly Lissa was in front of me. "Stay safe," she said, hugging me tight.

"I'll do my best," I replied, smile forced.

She opened her mouth, but then closed it again, just giving my hand a squeeze before moving on to where Adrian was still holding Rose.

And then they were moving towards the plane and Rose was stood by my side, pressing her arm against mine. I felt the sting of tears behind my eyes and blinked them back. Rose was here, and she was staying here, and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt so hopeless it hurt.

Rose glanced up at me, then linked her arm through mine, hand clutching my forearm as discreetly as possible.

It didn't help like it should have done. I was practically shaking.

Lissa was sat in the window, and waved to us. I couldn't bring myself to wave back as the plane drove away from us towards the runway.

Aunt Tasha and Dimitri were talking, and Eddie was stood watching the plane leave. Rose stared up at me, more and more worry shining in her eyes as I continued to fall deeper into my circle of despair.

"Christian," she murmured. "It's fine. This is how it's meant to be, you know that."

"That doesn't make it okay," I replied. "I just—I don't know. I'll get over it in a few hours."

"We have to go and meet our students before that. Well, your students. We said we'd have a lesson with them tonight."

I dug the heel of my palm into my eyes and took a deep breath. "Yeah, I guess I did. Well, maybe it'll be a distraction."

"Try not to take out your anger on them," she teased, but the air was too heavy for it to work.

We turned to the other three, who were all standing in silence. Dimitri had his arm around my Aunt's shoulders, and Eddie was staring into the distance with a blank look on his face.

"We're going to go back to campus," Rose said, wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the cold. I wanted to hold her, but couldn't. "Are you coming Eddie?"

He nodded. Aunt Tasha was giving me a worried glance, but I didn't have the motivation to go and tell her I was just fine. I'd talk to her tomorrow. We were going to have to start looking at what defensive spells we could teach people now the conference was over, and it was official that the Moroi of St. Vladimir's would be learning kind-of-offensive magic.

We said our goodbyes, and then the three of us were heading to our lesson. "Eddie, we're actually heading to one of those offensive magic lessons Christian's been giving. I thought you might want to see," Rose explained. "That and I want to spar. It's been way too long since I had a good fight." The Guardians dressed as Strigoi had barely targeted us during the field experience, and I could practically see Rose itching to get some exercise done.

I strode beside the pair in silence, mood still black, and visions of Rose's death plaguing my mind. Doing the protection spell had made them so easy to conjure and it was almost impossible to dismiss them. They were so _real_.

"It's going to be kind of weird with Liss being gone," Eddie admitted. "I'd gotten used to having constant company."

Rose and I were more than constant company for each other now. Every moment alone we spent in each other's arms. Just holding each other, or kissing, or fucking. We spent every night in bed together, naked, and it was the best I'd ever felt.

We were on a timer, of course, and that only made it more desperate. Even if we both survived through my mum's attack, we couldn't be together after that. There was Liss, and Rose couldn't betray her best friend.

Couldn't betray her any more than we already were, at least.

"Yeah, I can imagine. Well, we're always around," Rose said with a smile in his direction.

When we got to the lake, there were a lot more than the original ten people gathered. I narrowed my eyes at the group. My request that it needed to be kept quiet obviously hadn't been heeded.

"Shit," Rose muttered. "Please don't shout at them too much," she told me.

I scowled. "I'll do my best."

I strode to the front of the group, and the original ten were looking especially guilty. They'd nearly tripled in size. Rose and Eddie waited off on the side, and I could feel her eyes boring into me. "I thought I requested that this be kept between us," I warned, folding my arms, expression dark.

"We only told people we trusted," the original guy who'd approached me said, hands clasped together in front of himself. "We just want to be able to defend ourselves, to help. Please."

I ran a hand over my face and nodded. "If this is found out about, though, then it'll be forced to stop, you know that, right? This is why I'm asking you to keep it quiet."

"We understand. We only told people we absolutely trusted," he promised.

There were nods from the crowd, and I spotted a few people from my own year there. I got on with my teaching as best as I could. Rose and Eddie stayed off on the side, stretching and then sparring.

It was impossible not to let my gaze turn towards her as she fought, lithe body moving with a strength and grace I could never possess. I would have been content to just lean against a tree and admire her, but that wasn't an option.

The original ten had spread their lesson about the sphere around, and so it was time to move onto some more advanced stuff this lesson.

I focused on something that I figured would be applicable to all the elements again: focusing your magic at an object. We managed to find enough rocks and things like that for everyone. Air users could put enough pressure on a Strigoi's head that it would cause them pain; water users could drown a Strigoi like that; Earth users could blind the Strigoi by casing their faces in Earth; fire users could harm the Strigoi.

Everyone was a lot more enthusiastic about learning this technique than they had about the spheres, and I went around trying to explain how it felt to channel the magic in this specific spell to the people who were struggling.

All the while I couldn't help but look over to Rose and see her beat Eddie again and again.

At the end of the lesson, when I'd sent everyone away with the strict instruction that they couldn't keep adding people to the lessons, I went over to the tree that Rose was now sat leaning against, and collapsed down beside her.

Eddie was stood in front of us, panting hard.

"Feeling better?" Rose asked me.

"Actually, yes. Turns out teaching people is a pretty good distraction."

"How are they doing?" Eddie asked, managing to catch his breath. "Got anyone with real talent?"

"Yeah. They're all coming along really fast, to be honest. It's almost depressing how good everyone could have been if they'd been learning this stuff from the beginning."

"What's happening with the state sanctioned lessons?" Eddie took a seat opposite us, legs crossed. "I heard that was the resolution they came to."

"My Aunt and I are going to be teaching the adult Moroi in the school, since they're the ones who are going to be available to fight. Then, when the battle is over, whoever is left will start teaching the younger kids as part of the curriculum."

We all flinched at that, but there was nothing to be done about it. "At least they've decided to be proactive," Eddie supposed.

"Better late than never, for sure."

"Have you had any more letters?" he asked.

"No. My mum hasn't sent me anything for a few weeks now. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad sign, to be honest. I think I'm going to increase these lessons to every day. These kids need to be able to do something when Strigoi inevitably get through the defences and raid the school. They're good, they can help."

"Just don't wear yourself out," Rose murmured from my side, knees pulled up to her chest and head resting on them.

"Forever doubting my abilities," I teased.

Rose looked up at me with a small smile, but the fatigue was clear in her eyes.

"I guess we should go see my Aunt," I said, feeling the tiredness pulling at my own body. I just wanted to get into bed and curl up with Rose. "She wants to start coming up with these lesson plan things so that we can get started as soon as possible."

"Sure. You should come, Eddie," Rose told him. I nodded my agreement, forcing myself to my feet and offering Rose a hand up.

The three of us walked towards Tasha's cabin in comfortable silence. Rose looked like she was practically dragging herself.

When we were there, Rose and I took the couch. Eddie had slid onto the floor before I could tell him that we'd probably all fit on the couch if we squeezed. Dimitri and my Aunt took the table. She handed me some pieces of paper. "These are the ideas we've got so far. Give it to Rose and Eddie after you've had a look, see what they think."

"I don't know if I'm going to be much help," Eddie admitted. "I don't know anything about offensive magic."

"But you know about Guardians, and I need to know whether these things would be a help to you when you fight."

"Oh, okay," he agreed, perking up. Rose had told me that Eddie liked to feel useful.

Rose was sat with her head leant back against the couch, eyes shut. "I'm too tired to read. I'll get Christian to give me a rundown later."

"You should just sleep," I told her. "We're probably going to be a while."

She cracked one eye open to look at me. "You're sure?"

"Yeah, go for it."

Grabbing a pillow, she lay on the couch, her feet in my lap. I rested my hands on her calves and continued reading the sheet my Aunt had given me.

Just like when she'd been teaching me magic, she wanted to start with the sphere thing. I couldn't help but feel a little bit proud that I'd managed to at least do that right. "Just how offensive do you want to get in these lessons?" I asked her.

"These people don't want to be on the battlefield when the attack actually comes," she said with a scowl. "So as defensive as it gets, pretty much."

I bristled. "It'll serve them right when they get killed."

"It's too short a time to change people's prejudices," my Aunt said, looking at me disapprovingly. I was too tired and frustrated to keep my mouth in check right now, though.

"Honestly," Eddie cut in, looking over his sheet. "I'm not sure how useful any of this stuff is going to be. Booby trapping the perimeter sounds good in theory, but in the heat of battle Guardians aren't going to remember where they can and can't step. It might end up being more of a hindrance."

My Aunt sighed. "That's just about what Dimitri said, too," she admitted. "Other than the protection spell, I don't know how defensive magic is going to work unless they're willing to be there on the battlefield, even if it's in the background."

Rose shifted in her sleep, flipping onto her front and sinking further down the sofa, so the front of her thighs were resting against mine. Eddie raised an eyebrow at me, and I could only lift one shoulder in a half-shrug as I resisted the urge to properly cup her thighs with my hand, to feel her through the thin fabric of the yoga pants she was wearing. "Would they be willing to be inside the buildings, but at windows? There's a chance they could perform some magic to Strigoi who got too close to campus that way, right?" I asked.

Tasha started scribbling. "That's a good idea," she admitted. "And it's something they can practice before the actual event. We have plenty of windows, and lots of target dummies."

Eddie perked up. "That sounds good. And then they won't be in hardly any risk of danger."

I drummed my fingers against the flesh of Rose's thigh, trying to think of more ideas. "I don't really think it's worth the time to try and teach the protection spell," I said. "It requires more than just, I don't know, wanting it to work. Unless there's any Moroi who have close Guardian friends I think it would be a waste of time."

Tasha nodded. "True. I'll ask around and see if any of the Moroi are close to the Guardians, but otherwise, I think you're right."

Eddie frowned. "What do you mean? I thought it was just about channelling magic. That's what Tasha said in the debate."

She lifted a shoulder. "I may have dumbed it down a bit to help my cause. It's one of those spells that requires you to really mean it. You have to want deeply to protect the person you're casting the charm on."

I glanced down at Rose, her face scrunched up in sleep, and fought back the need to tighten my hand where it was resting on her thigh.

"It's draining," I told Eddie. "And difficult."

He looked to Rose, too, a frown on his face.

"I think they're going to let all the novices fight," Eddie said, running a hand through his sandy hair. "They're going to tell them they have the option, and obviously everyone will jump at the chance."

"It's pretty close to graduation," Dimitri said. "That's how they're going to reason it. Hopefully some people will be sensible enough to stay inside."

"There are some that can help, though. Like me and Rose."

"And we're going need all the help we can get," Aunt Tasha said. "Is anyone hungry?"

Eddie hesitated before admitting, "I'm starving."

"I'm going to cook something up. Rose will probably be hungry when she wakes up, right?" she looked to me.

"Probably. I can wake her up if you want to sit on the couch," I told Eddie. "It's really uncomfortable down there."

"Don't bother. I think she needs the rest, anyway. She looks exhausted. She's looking better than she did for a long time after Spokane, though." Eddie frowned at Rose, resting his head in his hand. "I should have done more to try and help, but I was trying to get through it myself and I thought that trying to help Rose might make it worse again for me."

"She's doing better." The nightmares had pretty much stopped for the both of us since we started sleeping together at night, and we hadn't partied since the beginning of the field experience.

I felt a bit bad talking about Rose whilst she was just there, but Eddie looked like he needed the reassurance.

"Yeah, I was surprised when I went to a party with Liss a couple of days ago and Rose wasn't there," Eddie joked.

Dimitri was watching her too, the guilt clear on his face. I wanted to say something that might make him feel better, but no words came to me.

"I never thought I'd end up being a sensible influence on someone," I replied.

"I think she's probably glad she got you in the field experience, really. Rose doesn't do well with sympathy, and it's just about Liss's forte."

I chuckled. "Yeah, I definitely get the Liss sympathy issue. That's why I didn't tell her about the notes from my mum for so long."

"Don't bitch about Liss," Rose mumbled from the other end of the couch, her voice thick with sleep. "It's mean."

"We're not bitching, we're discussing," I told her.

"Also I'm fine. Stop worrying all the time."

"Right, I'll just tell my brain to stop worrying in the future. I'm sure that'll work. Besides, you can hardly talk."

She cracked an eye open to glare at me, and I smiled innocently. "It smells like food," she said, turning over to look at the stove, where my Aunt was making spaghetti. "It smells like really good food." Then she seemed to realise were her legs were. "Oh, sorry for crushing you."

"Don't worry about it."

She finally managed to sit up, and squished into my side to make room for Eddie.

He groaned as he stood up and sat beside her. "I'm so glad you woke up," he said. "My bum is so numb."

We laughed through dinner, and then it was time to leave. It was past curfew, so Dimitri had to walk us home.

"I wish you'd stop feeling guilty, you know," Rose said to Dimitri as we walked back to campus.

"What do you mean?"

"Please, I could practically feel your guilty face when Eddie and Christian were talking about me. I'm glad you left. Even if it was a bit shit in the beginning, it was good, really. You know it's true."

He sighed. "You'd just seen your friend die. I should have waited and you know it. I took the coward's way out."

"Not true," she insisted. "What would have been the point in you helping me get over Mason, then leaving and throwing me back into sadness. At least with the double-whammy it was one blow, and I could get over them both together."

"That doesn't make me feel much better, to be honest."

She chuckled and linked her arm through his, just like she did when she wanted to cheer me up without being too touchy-feely. For some reason, watching them didn't make my jealousy spin out of control.

Probably because I knew that we were walking back to my room, where Rose would be getting into bed with me.

"Dimitri, you're the happiest I've ever seen you in my entire life. You're going to see your family in the summer. I couldn't resent that even if I tried."

"Are you happy, though, Roza?" he murmured, looking down at her.

Her smile was real, and she glanced at me for just a moment. "Actually, right now, I think I'm very happy."


	23. Chapter 23

_So this is the attack chapter! The aftermath, which is the better bit imo, will be the next two chapters mainly. Chapter Twenty-Five is one of my favourites so far!_

 _I'm dying to know what you think, so leave me some reviews with your thoughts!_

* * *

 **Twenty-Three**

 _Christian_

The next two weeks passed far quicker than I'd have liked. Rose and I were absorbed in each other so much that it hurt. Right now she laid in my arms, fingers dancing against my chest, making non-descript patterns. It was evening, but it was a Saturday, and we had nowhere to be. We'd stayed in bed all day.

Her lips kissed my neck, and my cock stiffened to attention. Her fingers kept moving down, and her mouth followed. When she wrapped her hand around my shaft and pumped, I groaned into the silence.

Then her lips reached my cock, and she wrapped her mouth around the tip, tongue flattening against it. I shuddered, wrapped my hand through her hair, and forced her down. She easily took me, keeping her gaze locked on mine as her mouth hit my pubic triangle.

"Fuck, Rose," I groaned, jerking my hips up to fuck her mouth in earnest.

We'd fucked so many times that I'd lost count now. Any time we could get our hands on each other, we ended up rolling around in the sheets. I knew her body better than I knew my own.

Every inch of me was on fire as she bobbed her head up and down on my cock, a satisfied glint in her eyes as I swore into the bedroom, unable to stop myself.

Then her mouth was gone and she was straddling me, lining her entrance up against my cock. She slid down onto it, until I was buried inside her. My hands went to her hips, fingers digging into the skin, nails leaving half-moon marks.

I watched, mesmerised, as my cock slammed into her again and again. "You're too perfect, Rose," I groaned, my thumb finding her clit and rubbing it until she was a shaking mess on top of me. She still managed to keep riding me, but her movements became erratic and she threw her head back, breasts bouncing.

When she came apart, I spilled inside her, too. She came to rest on top of me, holding up her hair and trying to catch her breath.

We both jumped, Rose making a move to cover her breasts when the door banged open on its hinges.

Guardian Petrov just stared at us for a moment, taking in our naked bodies and their position, before she shook herself out of it. "The perimeter has been breached. You need to get down to the gym, right now."

She shut the door behind us, and we were frozen. Then Rose was climbing off me and we were scrambling around the room to pull on clothes and shoes. Before we left the door, I took Rose's face in my hands kissed her, hard.

We met each other's panicked gazes for a moment, and then we were running down to the gym together, unable to hold hands like we wanted.

It was easy to spot Aunt Tasha and Dimitri, and we joined them, standing close together and waiting for Guardian Petrov to address us. "I'm splitting you in four." She did a cross movement with her arms, and everyone tried their best to split into four equal groups. Then she was assigning us areas of campus, and sending us on our way. Rose picked up a stake from a Guardian at the door and weighed it up in her hand.

The adrenaline coursed through my veins as we followed Aunt Tasha and Dimitri out of the hall. He was already glowing with the protection spell.

I took Rose's hand, and she pulled me into an alcove. Everyone was too busy trying to get out of the building to notice as she kissed me. It was a desperate kiss, possibly our last, and our bodies crushed together, mouths open.

"I love you," she said, when she pulled back, eyes searching my face.

"Fuck, I love you too, Rose."

We kissed once more, quickly, and then I cupped her face with my hands and pressed my forehead to hers, imbuing her with the protection spell until it hurt too much to keep holding her.

The orange was the brightest I'd ever seen it. She looked practically luminescent.

We joined the crowd and hurried out. We'd been assigned the elementary campus, and it didn't take us long to reach it and join the battle. I stayed by Rose's side and she launched at the nearest Strigoi.

We worked in perfect sync. I'd light a Strigoi's head on fire just long enough to distract them so Rose could stake them. It conserved my energy, and Rose's too. We dominated the battlefield along with Aunt Tasha and Dimitri, who were just as good together.

Then suddenly five jumped on us, and I could only light two on fire for Rose to stake. One came after me, and its hand was around my neck so tight that I could barely breathe, fangs lowered to my neck.

I struggled, but my strength was nothing compared to the monster that gripped me. He'd been a Dhampir before being turned, and he towered above me. His red eyes were shining with glee.

And then suddenly earth slammed onto his face, blinding him. He let go of me to claw at his face, and Rose took that time to stake him.

I turned to stare at one of the girls who had been in the offensive magic class I'd taught. She wasn't even paying attention; had already moved on to help another Guardian in danger. When I looked around, I saw at least half the class I'd taught were moving around the battlefield, helping out where they could.

My battle rage returned, and I shared a quick, intense glance with Rose before we launched back in.

The numbers of Strigoi seemed to increase, and I realised that this must be the main battle site. They were focusing their numbers here.

And then I saw her. My mother strode onto the field, eyes searching, until they found mine.

"Rose," I said, as she pulled her stake out of a smaller female Strigoi.

She followed my gaze and her eyes narrowed. She came to stand beside me. Her glow at almost faded by now. It must be sapped away when it was being used.

My mother wasn't alone, though. She had six Strigoi with her, and they were all descending on us. "Rose you should run," I told her, unable to help myself taking a step back. "Go join a different fight."

"I'm not leaving you, Christian," she said, taking up a fighting stance, stake brandished in her hand. She stood in front of me, protecting me, and my heart pounded so hard in my chest I felt sure it must be audible even over the sounds of the fighting.

Then the six Strigoi launched. I managed to set two on fire, and Rose dashed between them to slip her stake into their chests. In any other circumstance I would have killed to stand on the side-lines and just watch her quick, deadly movements, lithe body moving so fluidly it looked like she was dancing.

A third Strigoi suddenly had a bubble of water around its head, and Rose managed to stake that one, too. But there were three more bearing down on us, and I couldn't do anything to stop them. I tried to set one on fire, but then another was slamming into my body, and I had to focus all my efforts on incinerating its head. My magic was starting to drain me, and every muscle in my body hurt. I kicked the dead body off me, and then two more were there.

I had no choice but to summon my dome of fire to protect myself, but then I was blind to the battle.

I held it for a minute, but lowering it again when I realised the sounds were beginning to die down.

But then I saw what had happened. They were retreating. My mum cast a look over her shoulder at me, and I realised why she looked so smug.

She was carrying an unconscious Rose back with her.

I couldn't even scream, my throat was so clogged with emotion that I could only watch, tears streaming down my face, as Rose was carried off.

It was my vision, come to life. Exactly how I'd imagined it.

There was a hand on my shoulder and I spun around only to look into my Aunt's face.

Everything in me felt numb, and I couldn't make my mouth work. She'd obviously seen what had happened to Rose, and her gaze searched mine, though I didn't know what she was looking for.

She wrapped her arms around me in a hug, but I didn't hug back. Tears streamed down my face, but I couldn't sob. My throat burned, and my heart felt empty.

She was gone. My mother had stolen her from me.

"I'm so sorry Christian," she murmured.

I didn't know how long we stood like that, me stiff as a board and her running her hand up and down my back.

"Where's Dimitri?" I asked, voice colder than I'd ever heard it before. "I need to speak to him."

She pulled back, looking at me sceptically, before nodding towards a group of Guardians. "He's there trying to calculate losses. To see who was taken."

I flinched, but I had to push everything from my mind. I couldn't stand around picturing how my mother was probably feeding on Rose right now; how she was probably trapped underground somewhere wondering what was going on.

She might already be dead.

I took a calming breath and scrubbed at my eyes, forcing it all down. "I need to talk to him," I repeated.

Tasha nodded, and beckoned for Dimitri to come over. He looked more tired than I'd ever seen, fatigue plaguing his hulking body. "What is it?"

I looked at my Aunt, and she nodded, before going to join the huddle and add what she knew to the discussion. Dimitri was looking down at me, and I could see the heartbreak behind his eyes, too. "We have to do something," I told him. I'd looked around the floor, and the numbers of dead Strigoi far outnumbered the number of dead Guardians. "You know they can't have gotten far."

He shook his head. "You know we don't go on rescue missions."

"We barely lost anyone, I can see that just by looking at the ground, and how many did they take? How many were Moroi?"

"About twenty-five were taken," he admitted. "Most Moroi. But that's not the point. We can't go after her."

I folded my arms, nails biting in my upper arms in an attempt to ground myself. I needed to look competent, not heartbroken. "There's more than enough people to take out the rest of the Strigoi. To take out my mother. She needs to die now, not to regroup and find more Strigoi and repeat this. We could kill her, now. We just need to find her." The sun was already beginning to rise in the sky. "They can't have gone far, and there are only so many places they could have gone. We could do it."

Dimitri watched me, eyes calculating, and he nodded. "I'll go and talk to Alberta. You need to stay here; she won't listen to you."

I knew it was true. After what she'd seen this morning, Guardian Petrov would know that all this was fuelled by my desire to get Rose back.

I didn't know what to do other than to stand where I was and watch the conversation play out. It wasn't hard to see that Dimitri's frustration was getting the better of him, and that meant he was losing.

She wasn't going for it.

My Aunt came to stand beside me, and she watched the conversation, too. "We have to do something," I told her. "We could rescue those people. You know we could."

"We turned the tides of this battle because of the Moroi students who joined us." She was looking at me, questioning.

"I taught them," I confirmed. "I was running a class for offensive magic, some students asked me to help them learn." I remembered Rose watching me teach, that appreciative glint in her eye, and I scrubbed at my eyes once more. "I didn't expect them to get out and help today. It was meant to be for in case the Strigoi got inside to them."

Tasha's lips quirked. "They bound the hands of the Guardian who was watching them with Earth and snuck out to help. I'm proud of you. You're the reason we won."

"But I lost Rose." The words were dead on my tongue, and she wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"Rose was taken, but hundreds of lives were saved. You know that's what she would have wanted."

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

Dimitri came back over, his body stiff with tension, and shook his head.

My hope was crushed and the numbness returned with a vengeance. I couldn't even bring myself to say anything as images of Rose's captivity flashed in front of my vision.

My Aunt took my arm and began leading me back inside. "We should go and see if Eddie's okay," she said.

I barely nodded, staring in front of me, a chill beginning to encase me. If Dimitri couldn't convince Alberta, then that meant there was no chance of anyone doing it. Not unless the Queen herself sanctioned it, and that was out of the question.

Eventually, the four of us found ourselves sat in a small lounge. Eddie was safe, and had taken down plenty of Strigoi himself. He told me that my students had saved his life plenty of times, but I couldn't manage a smile.

I sat on an armchair in the corner, brought my knees to my chest and rested my head on them. Vaguely I was aware of people giving me worried looks, but I couldn't find the motivation to try and reassure them.

Because I wasn't okay, and I wasn't sure how I was going to get myself back together without Rose there beside me.

She was what kept me going, kept me grounded, and she'd been taken from me.


	24. Chapter 24

_Thank you so much for all the reviews everyone! This chapter is a short one, but the next is really long, and one of my favourites of the story so far!_

* * *

 **Twenty-Four**

 _Rose_

I could barely see through the darkness when I came around. My head throbbed, and I went to press a hand to it, only to find my wrists were bound above my head. My body was pulled taut and I groaned, everything aching.

Then the panic began to set in. I had no idea where I was, but I knew exactly what must have happened. I'd been taken. Blinking rapidly to try and let my eyes adjust to the dark place I'd found myself, I saw a series of cages around the room. No, not a room, a cave. Wherever we were, the Strigoi had scouted it out long before the battle and made it good for keeping prisoners in.

I was the only one strung out in the centre, though. Everyone else was in cages.

I struggled against my binds, but there was no wiggle room.

I tried to see the faces in the cages, but it was too dark. Stan Alto was the only person I recognised. Most of them were Moroi, probably from the younger years.

Strigoi lined the wall in the low light, too, and I realised that all of them were watching me.

I was strung up like a piece of meat, and to them, that was probably all I was.

I shuddered, holding in another groan, but it was too late. They knew I was awake, and suddenly Moira Ozera was stood in front of me.

She looked like Christian; had those same deep blue eyes and high cheekbones. I swallowed, and she grinned. It was malicious. Christian would never be able to pull that expression off.

"Finally awake," she said, circling me. A shiver of dread worked its way up my spine, and I struggled to keep a straight face. "I'm surprised you're what my son has chosen. I thought he had more class than to go after a blood whore."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I ground out.

"I mean, really, he has the last Dragomir wrapped around his little finger and he lets her go for _you_?" I gasped when she was suddenly back at my front, taking my chin in her hand. Her grip was so strong that I couldn't move a muscle. "You're pretty enough, I suppose, but he could have just had you on the side. He could have ruled the Vampire World with Vasilisa on his arm."

I couldn't muster up words. At least all this mean that Christian was safe. She'd managed to get me, but Christian was okay. That was all that mattered. My body almost sagged with relief.

"Yes, he's safe," Moira agreed, tapping her finger against my chin. "For now. But you didn't see his face when I carried you off. He's going to come after you. Capturing you is as good as capturing him. You're lucky, it means you get to stay alive for a few days longer than the rest of them." She gestured around at the cowering figures in the cages. "But that doesn't mean I can't have a bit of fun with you, though."

She pushed my chin back with her hand and exposed my neck, her other hand coming up to run a long nail down it.

I couldn't stop my intake of breath, and her eyes flashed. "Oh, you've been bitten before." She seemed pleased with that knowledge. "Tell me, was it my son? Did you let him bite you? Maybe I didn't give him enough credit. Maybe he's more like me than I always thought."

"You're wrong," I hissed, unable to stop the shiver of anticipation as she brought her fangs to my neck, barely brushing them against the skin. "He's nothing like you."

She bit me then, and all my thoughts turned to mush. A low moan escaped my mouth as endorphins took over, and it was impossible to feel anything but bliss. My body hung limp against the restraints, and it was over far too quickly.

She wiped her mouth, grinning at me with bloody fangs. "I'll be back to play with you later."


	25. Chapter 25

_The big long chapter is here! Thank you so much for the reviews everyone. This story is like my baby, it's the first thing I've written for fun in what seems like forever and although it's not a popular pairing, I'm so, so glad that there's some people enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it!_

 _So, here's nearly 5k of Christian!_

* * *

 **Twenty-Five**

 _Christian_

I didn't know how many hours had passed before the door burst open and I was suddenly looking into Lissa's deep green eyes. They were just as red-ringed as mine. Adrian followed closely behind her.

I stood up, and she was suddenly in my arms, hugging me tightly as she cried into my chest. I held her back, resting my chin in her hair and feeling my own tears fall.

"I can't believe she's gone," she choked out, sobbing into my shirt.

I could only hug her back and try to calm myself down. Adrian's eyes were red, too.

Now that I had someone else to watch me, Aunt Tasha and Dimitri stood up. "We need to go to the follow up meeting," Dimitri said. "See what we can do to help. You lot should stay here, until there's more news."

We nodded, and I pulled back, retaking my place in the armchair. Silence descended on the room, and we all stared at the floor, not sure how to deal with what was happening.

Then a question came to me. "Liss, how did you convince them to bring you back here? You know that it's not even been declared safe yet, and when the plane actually left Court it must have been just after the attack."

A blush tinged her cheeks, and she lifted a shoulder. "I can be very persuasive."

She'd compelled them to bring her back. The cogs began to turn in my head, and I sat up straighter, unable to squash the hope. "Lissa." The excitement in my voice wasn't missed by anyone. "You'd be willing to risk some compulsion to get Rose back, wouldn't you?"

She nodded. "Of course." There wasn't even a hesitation.

"I think we need to go and find Guardian Petrov."

Eddie and Adrian were looking between each other. "What's the plan?" Eddie asked, sceptical.

I explained to them the same thing I'd told Dimitri. "So, they can't be far. The sun was rising as they left, and they can't have gotten that far. We decimated their numbers, we're easily stronger than them. We can go rescuing."

We all leant forwards, unable to stop the hope seeping into our expressions. "It's a good plan," Eddie admitted.

"Let me do the compelling, though," Adrian said. "Liss has too much to lose. I'll talk to Guardian Petrov."

I lifted a shoulder. "I don't care who does it, as long as it works. Dimitri is going to know what we've done, though," I admitted. "He already hounded Guardian Petrov about a rescue mission and she didn't budge. He's going to know."

"I don't care," Adrian dismissed easily. "I can deal with the cradle robber. Besides, he wants Rose back too, I don't doubt. Let's go. Let's get this underway before they have chance to get away. We need to go before the sun sets and they're gone forever."

The four of us headed towards the Guardian's meeting and were forced to loiter around the door until it was over. Then we hid out of side as the Guardians filed out, especially so Dimitri couldn't see us and stop our plan before we'd had time to put it into place.

When it was just Guardian Petrov in the room by herself, the four of us filed in. She gave me and Liss the wariest looks of all. "I've already spoken to Dimitri about a rescue mission, and it's just not possible, I'm sorry."

Lissa looked at her, gaze hard, and then she was speaking with such a soft voice that even I wanted to lean towards her. "I think you should rethink that decision," she said, enchanting the older woman before her. "We can lead a rescue mission. We need to find where they're hiding, and rescue the people who were taken before the sun goes down."

Guardian Petrov's gaze had softened, and she was nodding along. Lissa repeated what she'd just said a few more times, and then broke the connection.

Guardian Petrov frowned for a moment. "I'm sorry, kids, but I need you to leave. I need to call the Guardians back. I think we should lead a rescue mission."

We struggled to keep our expressions in check as we left.

"They'll let us come with them, won't they?" Eddie asked as we trekked back to the lounge we'd left a few minutes ago.

"They have to," I replied. "Look at how much damage we did during the battle."

"I heard you and Rose were killing it," he said.

I flinched at her name, and nodded. "Yeah, we did." I had no idea how many we'd managed to take down as a pair, but it had been well above twenty. "Hopefully this will finally be enough to make people realise that offensive magic is what we need to beat the Strigoi."

"They have to listen after the performance the Moroi put on today. You know none of your students were killed or taken. They held their own."

My smile was small. "I'm glad. They're the reason we're all still here."

All but Rose.

I sighed, folded my arms and sunk down into the armchair, returning to staring at the floor.

Liss came to perch on the arm of my chair and looked at me with a small frown. "It's not your fault," she said, resting a hand on my shoulder. "It's just one of those things."

"I should have tried harder to get her to go to Court," I said, unable to look at her. "My mother took her because of me, you should have seen the look on her face." A shiver ran down my spine. "I should have made her go to Court."

"You couldn't have made her, we all tried," Adrian said from the corner, gaze watching me contemplatively.

I didn't respond, just rested my chin on my knees and waited for something to happen. The night wasn't that far away now. We had four more hours of daylight before it would be too late.

I knew Liss was looking for some comfort, wanted me to bring her into my lap and wrap my arms around her, but I couldn't do it. I needed Rose; she was the one who buried her face in my neck and wrapped her arms around me, placing a small kiss on my neck and telling me that everything would be okay.

Hot streaks ran down my face, and I scrubbed at my eyes some more. I couldn't keep crying. I needed to pull myself together for when we went after them. I needed to be on my best game.

Dimitri and Aunt Tasha came bursting through the door sometime later, his eyes ablaze. "You compelled her," he said to the room.

Aunt Tasha was laying a comforting hand on his arm, and I could tell he was in two minds about the whole thing.

"It was my idea," I said.

"And I did the compelling," Adrian lied.

"It's a good plan, and it needed to happen," I told them, not really caring whether their opinions of me went down. "So I don't feel bad about it. When are we leaving?"

"You should stay here," Aunt Tasha said.

I bristled. "Like hell I will."

"You're not in the right state of mind for a fight."

"Do you need me to get Liss to compel you, too?"

She sighed, and I looked away. "Fine. I know I'm not going to be able to keep you away."

"She's my mother, and she took my best friend. I'm not letting her get away with that."

Liss stiffened beside me, but she didn't say anything.

Aunt Tasha only nodded.

"We're leaving in an hour," Dimitri told the room. "Finding where they're being kept was easy enough. We just need to make sure everyone is prepared. You two should get to the hospital wing—" he nodded at Lissa and Adrian, "—and you two need to come with us and listen to the plan." That was towards Eddie and I.

Liss embraced me again, and I hugged her back. "Stay safe," she whispered, cupping my cheek with her hand for just a minute before leaving with Adrian.

The rest of us headed in the other direction towards the gym. "They're not letting any of the kids from my group fight, are they?" I checked. "They shouldn't have gotten out in the first place, even if they turned the battle. I never meant for that to happen."

"They're not," Aunt Tasha assured me. "But the fact some sixteen year-olds were willing to fight has shamed the adult Moroi into helping. Some of them will be coming with us."

"Good," I growled. "All it took was some students risking their lives for them to grow a backbone."

Just before we went into the gym, Dimitri ushered Tasha to go in and then rounded on me. "Look. You need to calm down. I know you care about her, but if you go in there and lose it then it won't do Rose any favours."

I tried to take a deep breath. "I know. I just don't know how to stop myself." Everything hurt. "I can just imagine all of it, what my mum's doing to her. I'm scared I'm going to snap in there."

His lip quirked. "You're so like Rose, it's no wonder she likes you. Look, when you get in there you have to focus. Use your anger, concentrate it, and make your mum pay. Just don't get out of control. It's going to be cramped, and your fire is going to be a liability in some respects. Just take a deep breath, and remember that you need to do what's best to help Rose."

I tried to do as he said now. I felt myself begin to calm down a bit. "Thanks."

He nodded, then grinned. "You're going to need to stay safe, anyway. Rose is going to crucify you when she realises what you've done, and what Liss did, to rescue her."

I found myself laughing. "I think I can live with that, as long as she's okay."

We entered the room together, and I forced myself to pay attention to what was being said. Dimitri had been right, keeping my fire under control was the most important thing. They were holed up in a small cavern just a couple of miles outside the perimeter, and if I let my magic get out of control I'd hurt more than just Strigoi.

Then it was time to leave, and I stood beside Eddie as we filed out of the room. When we passed Guardian Petrov on the way out, she placed a hand on my shoulder, eyeing me. "Can you keep your emotions under control out there?" she asked, seriously.

My face flamed when I remember what she'd seen this morning when she burst into my room. "Yes." And I believed it. I had to, for Rose.

She studied me for another couple of moments, before nodding.

Eddie was giving me a strange look, but I forced myself to ignore him.

The entire walk to the cave I spend focusing on my breathing. The sun beat down on me, and the fatigue of being awake for so many hours, and having used far more magic than I was used to, dragged on me. Everyone was exhausted, but I wouldn't have been able to sleep even if I'd tried. My hands were shaking as the adrenaline began to build once more.

Not everyone could go into the cave, but the four of us made sure that we got down there. I had to blink to adjust to the lighting in there. There were small lamps around the edge, but it took a minute to be able to see everything. Rose must have been nearly blind; her sight wasn't as good as a Moroi's.

There was a commotion as we entered, and I avoided using my magic, slipping in between the battling figures to find Rose.

And then I saw her. She was strung up in the middle of the cave, bite marks littering her neck. She hung, barely conscious, and I felt my rage building. Heat danced over my palms, and I struggled to control my breathing like Dimitri had said. The fighting was everywhere, and I could barely keep Rose in my vision as I stalked towards her. It was rope holding her up, I could burn through it easily.

Then I just needed to get out of there.

Only a figure came to stand beside her, taking her chin in their hand. "Mother," I hissed.

She turned to me and grinned. "Oh, I knew you'd come for your little blood whore," she chimed. "So predictable."

Rose's head jerked, and she was staring at me, panic in her deep brown eyes. "Christian," my name left her mouth in a whimper, and my mother only seemed to look more pleased.

"She was so certain you'd be sensible enough not to come, but I knew better. She's been fun, by the way." She ran a hand over Rose's neck, across the bite marks.

"Don't touch her," I hissed, hands scrunched into fists. "I'm the one you're interested in."

"I don't know, I've become quite fond of her over the past few hours. She's strong. She'd make a good Strigoi. You could keep her forever that way; the two of you at my side."

Fire danced over my palms and she grinned down at them. "Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you." She pressed herself completely against Rose. "Unless you want to set your little blood whore on fire, too."

I forced myself to focus, trying to put panic onto my face as I watched my mother run her fangs over Rose's neck.

The fighting hadn't reached this far into the cave yet, and there was no one to stake my mother whilst she was distracted. Her fang pierced Rose's neck, and a strangled sound left her mouth.

Anger was threatening to take over, but I took a calming breath, and focused.

My mum's back set on fire, a contained blaze that wouldn't spread to anything. It wouldn't touch Rose, who was pressed against her front.

My mother jerked, moving to turn around and make Rose catch the flames. But I could control it, as she moved I made the fire move, always staying on the opposite part of her body to Rose. And as she began to screech, I made the fire grow, made it hotter.

Soon, she was in too much pain to stay close to Rose, and that was when I let myself go. I incinerated her entire body with flames so hot that the smell of burning flesh overtook the room.

It wasn't until she was a black, charred mess on the floor that I finally let my magic die.

Then I was rushing towards Rose, burning through the ropes holding her up to the ceiling and letting her collapse into my arms. "Rose," I said, holding her against me until she could find her legs. "Rose, are you okay?"

"Just exhausted," she whispered. "She didn't break anything. I'm fine to walk. We need to get out of here, though. I can't fight."

I nodded, an arm wrapped around her waist as I stayed to the edge of the cave trying to avoid the fighting. She was leaning against me so heavily that it was slow going, and I felt my throat constrict with relief. She was alive. She could _walk_. She was okay.

We made it out of the cave, and the Guardians at the mouth gave us relieved looks. Guardian Petrov was among them, a large gash on her forehead dripping blood down her face.

She nodded to me. "Good job, Christian. Get her back to the hospital wing."

I didn't need to be told twice. "I guess this would be the perfect time to carry you, if I wasn't so exhausted myself," I said.

Rose laughed into my side. "How did you convince them to launch a rescue mission? Alberta would have never gone for that."

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, she didn't exactly go for it until Liss intervened."

Her head snapped up to mine. " _You compelled the head of the Guardians_?" she hissed.

I lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "I love you."

Instead of slapping me like I'd expected, she just laughed. It wrapped around me, and I found myself laughing, too. "I love you, too," she said, leaning more heavily into my side.

We approached the wards still chuckling to ourselves, overcome with relief and probably a little bit hysterical. Lissa and Adrian were both there waiting, and they both rushed forwards when they saw us coming. Liss pressed her hand against Rose's cheek, and the bite marks on her neck disappeared.

"Thanks, Liss. There wasn't much to heal, though, really. She didn't hurt me. You should stay here, there's going to be more people coming."

"Are you okay, Rose? Really?"

She smiled, and it was wide and genuine. "Really, I'm okay. Just a bit shook up. I'm going to get Christian to take me to the hospital wing, I'm sure Doctor Olendski is going to want to check despite the healing."

"Are we really going to the hospital wing?" I asked when we were out of earshot.

"No. There's no point in getting in her way when she has real patients to look after. I just need to sleep, honestly. I've been awake too many hours, and drugged too much."

"Are you sure you don't need a blood transfusion?"

"Your mother was very clear about the fact she wasn't taking enough blood to hurt me. She wanted me alive to taunt you with."

I grimaced, and tightened my hold on her. "I'm so sorry."

Rose came to a standstill and reached up to lock her arms around my neck. She buried her face in my neck, and I found myself crushing her against me. One hand pressed against her lower back, and the other tangled in her hair.

"I've never been so scared in my entire life," I whispered into her hair.

"It's okay," she replied, words mumbled. "I'm fine. We're both fine. We made it."

I wasn't sure how long we stood like that, drinking in the fact we were both alive and whole. We'd come through the other side. I shut my eyes and ignored the world; ignored everything except Rose's body melted against mine.

Then someone cleared their throat at the side of us. I opened my eyes and was met with Adrian, eyeing us. Rose pulled back and almost stumbled. I held her upper arms to steady her. "I'm not very useful for the healing," he said. "I'm going to just head back to campus. I thought you were going to the hospital wing."

"I don't need to. I'll just get under Dr. Olendski's feet and take up a hospital bed," Rose admitted. "I'm physically fine, all she did was bite me. Just exhausted."

Adrian looked her up and down before nodding. "Sounds like a good idea."

The three of us walked back to my dorm in relative silence. I still had my arm around Rose's waist to hold her upright as we walked, and she stumbled more than once.

Inside, she didn't hesitate to crawl into my bed, collapsing. "So much comfier than the floor," she mumbled for Adrian's benefit, as if she hadn't been sleeping there for the past three weeks.

Rose fell asleep almost instantly. Both Adrian and I watched her with small smiles on our faces. "Liss will want to come and see her as soon as she's done healing," I said. "She'll know to come here, right?"

"I'm sure she'll find you." Adrian slid down the wall and continued to stare at Rose, head in his hands. "Is she really okay?"

I perched myself on the edge of the bed, careful not to nudge Rose, who was curled up at the top. "I think so. She said she was only bitten, and I think I believe her. She just needs to sleep the endorphins off."

He nodded. "What was it like in there?"

"Dark, crowded." The smell of my mother's rotting flesh came back to me, and I had the urge to throw up. "I killed my mum."

Adrian's head snapped up. "Are you okay?"

I lifted a shoulder. "She wasn't my mum, not really. She was going to turn Rose, and I just burnt her alive." I shuddered. "I just wish I hadn't seen her like that. I still have memories of before she turned, when she just my mum, and I wish those didn't have to be ruined forever."

"You saved Rose's life," Adrian said. "Someone would have killed your mum, even if it hadn't been you."

"I'm glad it was me." I glanced to Rose again, whose face was peaceful in sleep. "At least it's over now."

"It makes me feel so useless. All I can do it sit here and mess with people's dreams. Liss can heal, you can fight. All the elements can fight, and I've got this pathetic shit that doesn't help anyone."

"You know we wouldn't even be here to have this discussion if you hadn't been able to talk to Rose through her dreams in Spokane," I said, eyes flicking to Rose when she began tossing and turning.

"I suppose that's true. Still, it was a bit of a unique situation." He shook his head. "I just wanted to be able to help this time."

I didn't really have anything to say to that.

Rose's gasp made both of us turn our heads towards her, but she still wasn't awake. "You can help," I said. "You can dream-walk her, now. She gets nightmares. They're probably going to get worse after today.

Adrian watched her, and nodded. "I can do that."

A small whimper left her throat, and then she was crying in her sleep. "Christian," she cried. I moved towards her, but she jerked awake before I could touch her. She stared up at me through bleary eyes, and her hand caught my forearm. She held it so tightly it hurt. "You're okay."

"I'm fine."

"Shit," she muttered, scrubbing her eyes. "I guess the nightmares are back. How long was I out?"

"Only about fifteen minutes."

"God dammit." She sighed, head resting back against the pillow. "I'm never going get a good sleep in fifteen minute intervals."

"Adrian's going to dream-walk you," I said, gesturing to where he sat in the corner, just in case she slipped up and said something incriminating. "It'll help."

She blinked and followed where I was looking. "Do you mind?" she asked. "It's all just a bit fresh for me to get a good night's sleep right now."

"It's fine," he assured her, standing up. "I'm going to head back to my room. I'll know when you're asleep again."

She nodded, yawning. "You should go to sleep, too," she told me. "You must be just as tired. I bet you haven't slept."

She budged up and patted the space beside her. "I'm fine," I said, though I took the seat, making sure to stay on top of the covers.

"You're not fine."

I lifted a shoulder in a shrug, and she sighed before turning around, pushing her back against my leg as she got comfy again. Adrian gave us a last look before departing.

When the door was shut, I allowed myself to run fingers through her hair. "People will be coming to visit soon, to make sure you're okay. I think I should stay awake and make sure I'm not cuddling you too obviously."

She chuckled. "I can sleep on the floor so that you can get a proper rest if you want, I don't mind."

"I'm definitely not going to make you sleep on the floor. I'll just wait a bit, then join you in bed."

She nodded, eyelids drooping once more. "If you're sure."

"I'm positive."

She was asleep again within minutes, and I rested my head against the headboard, detangling my hand from her hair before allowing my own eyes to slide shut.

The door opening and shutting jerked me from my sleep, and I opened my eyes to find Aunt Tasha, Dimitri, Liss and Eddie all piling into the room. "You guys are okay," I said, small smile on my face. Rose didn't move from where she was pressing against my leg, and I was glad I hadn't done anything stupid in my sleep.

Liss surged forward, perching on the other side of the bed and running her fingers lightly over Rose's hair. "Is she okay?" she asked.

"She's fine. Just wiped out."

Everyone settled around the bed, managing to perch themselves variously without disturbing Rose. Everyone looked just as knackered as I felt.

"How was it?" I asked Aunt Tasha and Dimitri. "Was it worth it? Or did I send loads of people to their death?"

"We lost two and saved twenty-two," Dimitri said.

I sighed my relief. "Good."

"I still don't approve of your methods, but it was the right call."

"Where's Adrian?" Liss asked, still staring at Rose as though she wasn't sure she was real.

"In his room. He's dream-walking Rose."

"Why?"

"She had a nightmare."

Lissa frowned, brushing her hand over Rose's hair once more. "I wish I could heal that."

"They'll fade eventually," I said. They had last time.

I only hoped that was because she really got over them, rather than because she was sleeping with me. Because our deadline had come.

We'd survived the battle with my mother, but that didn't change anything. Rose and I couldn't be together. Lissa mattered too much to both of us, but especially Rose.

I leant back against the headboard, ignoring the pain in my chest.

"Come on," Aunt Tasha stood up. "We should go and get some rest ourselves. We're all wiped out."

Lissa hesitated, still looking at Rose, but Eddie and Dimitri got up and started heading for the door. "I'll just be a minute," Lissa said. They shut the door behind them, and Lissa looked at me. "I wanted to thank you, for saving her. Tasha told me, about your mum, that you killed her. I'm so sorry you had to do that."

I lifted a shoulder, not wanting to jostle Rose. "It had to be done."

Her smile was weak. "Still. You saved her life. I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay that."

"There's nothing to repay. I wanted to save her, too. I'm just glad we got there in time."

"I never thought I'd see the day when you called her you best friend."

I chuckled, when I realised her voice was teasing not suspicious. "I guess shared trauma brings people together."

"Did she talk to you, about Spokane? I could never get her to talk to me about it."

I hesitated before answering, and that was enough to let Lissa know anyway. "She did, a bit. I was there. I think that's what made the difference."

"That makes sense." Tears glistened in Lissa's eyes, and she stood up. "I should go. Look after her, won't you?"

"Of course."

Liss pressed a kiss to my cheek, and then left the room.

Finally alone, I went and locked the door. Rose grumbled in her sleep when my body lost contact with hers, but soon I'd changed into some pyjamas and slipped into bed beside her. She clung onto me the second I laid down, and I held her back just as tightly.

I fell to sleep within minutes.


	26. Chapter 26

**Twenty-Six**

 _Rose_

I woke up cocooned in warmth. Christian's body was tangled with mine, and I let my eyes slip shut again, basking in the comfort his arms provided.

Then the bond came flooding through. It had been number for the past day or so, because of the endorphins, but now I could feel everything Lissa felt, and she was distraught.

I jerked, and Christian woke up, eyes instantly alert as he looked at me to check I was all right. "What's wrong?"

"Lissa knows."

"What do you mean?"

"She knows you're in love with me."

Christian's hold tightened on me, and I sighed, head falling back against the pillow. "She thinks I'm still asleep, she's planning on hiding that she knows from me when she can get her emotions under control, so that I don't find out and won't want you. She doesn't know that it's too late for that."

"Do you want me to let go?" he asked, fingers brushing against the exposed skin of my waist.

"Not yet," I murmured, curling back into his side.

"Good, because I've only just got you back," he whispered, voice cracking. "I just need a bit longer to pretend you're mine."

We held each other close, and my chest hurt more and more. "I really didn't think we'd get to this point," I admitted. "I thought one or both of us would be dead by now."

"Me too."

"I don't regret it," I told him, pressing my face against his neck, kissing him softly. "You made me the happiest I've ever been."

"I don't know how I'm going to let you go," he replied, pressing a kiss to my cheek. "God, I love you so much, Rose."

Our lips met, frantic. I poured everything into it; to what would be our last time together. My fingers pressed into his skin so hard it must have hurt, and he held me so tightly against him that I struggled to breathe.

But it was perfect. It was us. It was all the emotion we felt for each other played out physically. My body burned with need for him, and I pulled his shirt off, running hands over his hard muscles for the last time.

He followed suit, fingers brushing against my nipple before pinching it. "You're perfect," he murmured, moving to kiss my neck.

"Christian," his name fell from my lips like a prayer as I pushed his pyjamas bottoms down.

We worked each other's clothes off until we were naked, our skin flush and heated despite the chilly morning.

"I need you," I whimpered as his fingers danced over my bare flesh, teasing me.

It was almost too perfect; tears threatened to sting in my eyes as I wrapped my legs around his hips and he pushed into me.

Our lips met again, and he kissed me until I was dizzy with pleasure, his cock slamming into me again and again. I arched my back against him, needing to be as close as possible. My fingers dug into the hard muscles of his back, and I cried out as he hit just the right spot inside me.

Nails digging into my hips, he kept a relentless pace, murmuring my name over and over again until I came apart in his arms, a silent scream leaving my mouth.

When it was over, we collapsed against each other, and the tears finally cascaded down my cheeks. Christian's face was buried in my neck, and we couldn't bring ourselves to let go.

When we finally moved, that would be it. That would be the end.

Liss, I realised, had calmed herself down enough to hide her secret from me. As far as she was concerned, I had no idea about Christian's feelings.

Things could go back to how they were before; before Christian and I fell in love and everything went to shit.

Eventually, my stomach rumbled, and Christian sighed. "We have to move, don't we?"

I sniffled, unable to stop myself, and wiped at my eyes. "I really don't want to."

"Yeah." But he lifted his head anyway, and his face crumbled when he saw that I'd been crying. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

I wrapped my arms around him and crushed him to me again, sobbing in earnest this time.

An hour later, and we'd both cried ourselves out. We forced ourselves out of bed. We took it in turns to shower and make ourselves look presentable, and then braved the outside world.

We walked a good distance apart; there was none of the subtle arm brushing that had gone on before. We walked, and we didn't talk. Neither of us had the effort. I was scared I might start crying again if I said anything.

The dinner hall was depressingly empty. It was outside of normal breakfast hours, but because of people recovering, and sleeping through normal meals, they were putting on food all day. "I need to go to the feeders," Christian said, and I was forced to follow him. I didn't know what was going to happen to the field experience now, but as far as I knew it was still in effect.

Afterwards I grabbed a couple of slices of toast and Christian and I found Tasha and Dimitri sat off in a corner. We went to join them, even though I was sure neither of us felt like an audience right now.

"Rose! You're awake," Tasha beamed at me, and I managed a small smile in return. I nibbled at my toast, my appetite almost completely gone. Dimitri was looking at me, and I couldn't muster the motivation to try and look happy for him.

"They want to have the molnija ceremony later today," he told us. "You'll both be getting tattooed."

"Oh, right," I said, the marks I already had getting a phantom itch. "I don't know how many we killed."

"There's a special mark for that. For many killed in battle."

"Oh," I murmured, returning to my toast.

Both Tasha and Dimitri looked between us, and I held in a sigh. Christian wasn't doing much better with his food, but he was a Moroi so he had an excuse.

"Are you both okay?" Tasha asked, frowning.

"Just tired," I said. "Still a bit worn out."

"Me too," Christian lied.

There wasn't much conversation after that. Christian and I were lost in our own thoughts, and Dimitri and Tasha talked quietly between themselves. Eddie, Lissa and Adrian all joined us eventually, but Lissa's barely concealed bitterness towards me only made my mood blacker.

Then we were tattooed and I watched Christian as he got his tattoo and couldn't stop the tears stinging in my eyes.

I didn't hug him afterwards, when everyone else shared their hugs, because I knew I'd have cried.

Then we went to an announcement by Alberta, where she declared the field experience over, and told us that we should all get back to our own dorms and to stay safe, though the threat was officially over. Some people were leaving school early, mostly the royals, and others still planned on staying for the next month until graduation. The novices were all required to stay: we had our exams to pass. The Moroi were all just being awarded their predicted grades.

At the end of the day, I was so worn out that I trudged back to my room, grabbed the vodka I kept stashed in my cupboard, and drank until I passed out.


	27. Chapter 27

**Twenty-Seven**

 _Christian_

With the field experience and Rose officially out of my life, I spent most of my time in the cabin with Dimitri and Aunt Tasha. They both knew there was something wrong, but I dismissed it easily enough. I'd just killed my mother, and that was big enough that I could shift the blame of my bad mood onto that.

Aunt Tasha was at the stove making some dinner for us, and I sprawled out on the couch, pretending to be absorbed in one of the books on offensive magic.

My mind was with Rose. When Dimitri had left she'd gone partying; gone kissing every guy she could get her hands on as a means of distraction. Now I'd done the same. I'd effectively left her, even if it was a mutual decision.

The thought of someone else touching her made my hands tighten on the book. She'd never gone further than a bit of fooling around before, but I'd taken her virginity. Maybe she'd be sleep with them now.

Maybe someone was taking her clothes off as I sat here and thought about it.

I realised I'd singed the edges of the book, and struggled to calm myself down. Dimitri, from where he was sat at the table, was frowning at me. I ignored him.

"Isn't Rose going to come and see us before we leave?" My Aunt asked, unaware of how I flinched at the name. "It's been so quiet around here without her."

"I'm sure she'll come and say goodbye." I hadn't even been able to pluck up the courage to tell her that they were leaving next week. We'd done a perfect job of avoiding each other. Rose was constantly in the gym, so she was never around when Lissa, Eddie, Adrian and I hung out.

I felt like I was stealing her friends, though, and so I'd limited my time with them. She deserved it more. Even if I hadn't missed the little glare Lissa sometimes sent in Rose's direction when she thought no one was looking.

I'd managed to come between two best friends, and it made me sick to my stomach.

"Well, I hope so. Are you two not on speaking terms anymore?"

"Yes, we are."

"Oh. I just thought you'd visit together. You seemed close."

She was edging around the subject, and I didn't bother to indulge her. "She's been busy."

Aunt Tasha frowned at me, but I just lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. I didn't have the motivation to argue the point. I was here to forget about Rose, not talk about her.

"Have you decided what you're going to be doing after graduation?" she asked, plating up the food. "It's coming up fast now."

There were just two months until we'd be done with St. Vladimir's forever.

I shrugged again, my promise to Rose whirring around my mind. She'd been scared we'd never see each other again, and I'd told her I couldn't stay away. It was still true; we might not be speaking to each other right now, but the thought of committing to a college across the country and losing her forever was so painful I couldn't even consider it.

I just didn't know how I was going to sell my Aunt the lie that I was going to Court for the fun of it rather than to chase the girl I loved, but could never have.

"Well, you need to make a decision soon. You know there's a very good college near me. You should think about it. I'd like to have you as a permanent fixture in my life."

I smiled, and it was real. "I'll definitely think about it," I lied.

Aunt Tasha handed me a plate and then sat down heavily beside me on the couch. "You're miserable, Christian."

I sighed, too, having no idea what to say to that. "I'm fine."

"That's the least convincing thing you've ever said."

"I told you I wouldn't be a good politician."

"Just talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"You're behaving like a zombie."

I bristled. "I'm behaving like someone who just had to go through something traumatic. That's it, okay?"

But she was unconvinced. "I just want you to know you can talk to me."

"I know that I can, and if I want to, I will."

But I couldn't bring myself to say the words. There was no solution to Rose and I, so what was the point in letting people into our dirty little secret? It was best to just bury it, and hope that I could get back to the point where we were just friends.

We'd meant what we said: we needed each other, one way or another. Right now I was dying inside with the need to at least talk to her, to be her friend again, but it was still too raw. We needed time apart, to come back down and find a way of keeping our hands off each other. To let the guilt fade.

I just hoped that process didn't take long.


	28. Chapter 28

_I am so sorry! I obviously had no intention of leaving it this long between updates, but life has been super crazy for me recently. I had exams, then home for Christmas after my semester abroad to see everyone, and then I've been in America for the first time visiting last week, which was amazing! So, I'm back and I can't apologise enough for leaving it this long. I'm aiming to update once a week from this point onwards. There's not SO many chapters left to go now, maybe 10/12._

* * *

 **Twenty-Eight**

 _Rose_

The music was so loud it made my head pound, and I downed another shot of vodka. Tonight, I couldn't even be bothered to mix it. My stomach was ready to heave, but I didn't care. I couldn't feel like this. My body was practically numb, and my heart with it.

It was easier to forget Christian like this. It had been two weeks since the attack, and two weeks since I'd had a real conversation with him.

Everything in me ached at the thought of him, so I downed another shot and pretended that he didn't exist.

That was why I was here, for a distraction. I'd worn my sluttiest dress, and everyone had taken notice.

I was here to prove that I could still do it; I could still get through the heartbreak with a pair of hard, uncaring lips. I didn't need Christian's hands holding me against his chest; his lips pressing soft kisses against my neck as he murmured about how much he needed me; his cock slamming into me and making me fall apart.

I didn't need any of that.

I just needed some guy I didn't care about and a lot of vodka.

A pair of hands gripped me from behind, and I smiled hazily into the face of a novice from my year. Most of the Moroi had gone home, and the party was almost all Dhampirs.

"Rose, you are looking stunning tonight," he said, hands still on my hips as he leant towards me. The fact I was barely able to stand on my feet didn't appear to bother him.

"Why thank you," I replied, not bothering to waste any time before pressing my lips to his.

He was a good kisser; pried open my mouth and took my bottom lip between his teeth. But as I slipped my eyes shut to try and enjoy it, it was Christian's face that I pictured, and Christian's body that I imagined myself pressed against.

Jerking backwards, I gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry," I said. "I'm feeling really ill. I think I need to leave."

I left him standing there, giving me a bewildered look, as I fled the party.

I'd never had that problem with Dimitri; this had been my one release. Sneaking past the Guardians, I headed out into the blazing sun. I welcomed it on my face. I knew it must have been cold, but my body was humming with too much alcohol to feel it. I slipped away from the campus without being seen and into the woods.

I stopped when I came to a familiar tree, and slid down against it. It felt like forever since I'd sat here with Christian's head on my lap and we'd perfected the protection charm.

Tears tracked down my cheeks, and I brought my knees to my chest, resting my head on them. I just wanted him back; just wanted to lay in bed with him and cuddle one more time.

It felt like I had a hole in my chest. I'd known what it was like to be loved by him, and now I was forced to let it go. It was so painful it hurt to breathe sometimes.

I played innocent in the small times I was around Lissa, but she couldn't hide her bitterness from me completely. I stayed out of her way as best as I could. She needed to get closer to Eddie and Adrian; they were better friends than I'd been. I was lying to her every time I spoke to her; hiding something that would break our friendship forever.

It was another reason drinking was easier. I didn't have to feel her that way. Her poorly disguised resentment couldn't plague my head.

I shut my eyes and let the sun beat down on my face. Maybe I should run away and join the human world; get to spend every day with the sun on my face. Move to California, where I could always be warm.

The tears continued to flow down my cheeks, and I was powerless to stop them. At least my sobs had died, I didn't have the energy to cry properly anymore.

And then I heard footsteps crunching towards me in the grass. My eyes snapped open, and met icy blue ones.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered.

"I came for a walk. I've not been sleeping well recently," he admitted, standing in front of me.

Still my tears didn't stop, and he took a seat beside me, leaning against the tree. The warmth from his arm pressed against mine seeped into me.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"What for?"

"That you can't sleep."

"It's not your fault."

I knew that, and didn't have anything to say back.

"You must be freezing." He reached out and placed his hand on my arm. It burned. "You are. Jesus Christ, you're seriously cold."

He manoeuvred me until I was sat between his legs, and wrapped his arms tight around me, his legs pressing against mine.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again, voice cracking.

"Are you drunk?"

"Yes, very."

He chuckled, and rested his chin on top of my head. "I wish I was. I've been at my Aunt's. She keeps trying to make me tell her what's wrong, and I can't do it. Maybe I should."

I clung onto the arms that were wrapped around me. "You should do whatever will make you feel best," I told him. "Drinking helps me stop feeling at all."

"The tears don't really back up that theory."

I laughed. "I miss you so much it hurts."

He buried his face in my hair and breathed deeply. "I miss you too, Rose."

"I kissed someone else today," I felt the need to tell him. His arms stiffened around me. "And I couldn't do it. It feels like I'm betraying you."

He relaxed again, and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "I'm sorry."

"I'm kind of not. I don't _want_ to kiss anyone else. Not really. I just wanted a distraction." I paused. "Do you think we'll be okay?" It was the same question I'd asked him so long ago, and I still didn't know the answer to it.

"I don't know." His voice broke, and we tightened our hold on each other. "Aunt Tasha and Dimitri are leaving next week. They want to see you, to say goodbye."

"I'd like that too." I swallowed, not daring to turn around and look at him. "Could… could we have one more night, like when we played cards? As a family. Before they go."

"Of course we can. Aunt Tasha would really like that, I'm sure."

"Christian I feel like I'm falling apart."

"Me too."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"Do you think we can do it, be friends? I can't stay away from you; it hurts too much. Especially not after everything, with your mum."

"I need to be friends with you," he replied. "If I wasn't friends with you then it would be the equivalent of you having been taken forever. I need to be around you, to talk to you, for things to be okay. You're still the only one who understands."

"That's how I feel, too."

We sat in silence for a while, just holding each other. The sun was nearly at its highest point now, and I knew we'd been awake for far longer than we should have been.

"Maybe we should head back," Christian said, reading my mind. "I'm pretty exhausted."

"Me too," I agreed. "I have no idea how I snuck past the Guardians to get out here, I was wasted." I'd started to sober up a bit now, but my headache persisted. Christian's arms were warm around me, and I just wanted to stay in them forever.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to my feet, offering Christian a hand up. He looked at it sceptically, like he was more likely to bring me back down to the ground than I was to get him up, but took it anyway.

When we were both on our feet, he got a good look at my dress. "Jesus, I'm surprised you only kissed one guy in that thing."

My cheeks flushed. "That was kind of the intention. God, I probably looked like such a whore."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "You always look gorgeous, Rose."

We walked back in silence, managing to get past all of the Guardians without being seen. If they did see us, they didn't say anything to the two students who had singlehandedly killed thirty Strigoi.

He walked me to my room. I fumbled with the keys until it opened, and then looked at my bed with disdain. I'd have given anything to cuddle up with him.

The best I could do was give him a hug, though. We wrapped our arms around each other for a good couple of minutes before pulling back.

"Let me know about a night at Tasha's," I told him.

"I will."

"See you later."

"Night."

I watched him walk down the corridor. My heart was heavy, but not quite as heavy as it had been when I'd gone out tonight.


	29. Chapter 29

_Sorry again for the late update! I've just moved back to Copenhagen after a wild Christmas, but I'm settled back in again for the start of the semester, so hopefully they'll be more regular updates again from now on._

 _I think that there's not SO many chapter left now, anyway!_

* * *

 **Twenty-Nine**

 _Christian_

It was Saturday afternoon when Rose and I headed towards Aunt Tasha's cabin. She was going to cook us dinner and then we were going to sit and play board-games and cards all evening. There was an energy between Rose and I as we walked. Her excitement seemed to reinvigorate me, and the awkwardness died down because we were going to be around people, so there was no chance of us slipping up and accidentally sleeping with each other.

It was just going to be a nice night, the four of us.

I knocked on the door, and Aunt Tasha opened it, ushering us in. The stove made the place toasty, and Rose and I settled into the couch. Dimitri was sat at the table, and observed us with a mask in place. I had no idea what he was thinking, and I felt sure I probably didn't want to. He was too shrewd for his own good.

"It's so good to see you!" my Aunt chorused as she passed Rose a glass of wine. "We're celebrating, well, kind of, so we're starting drinking early."

Rose laughed and accepted the glass with a, "thank you," and I took one, too.

The conversation flowed easily between us. Even though Rose and I made an effort not to touch each other where we sat on the couch, we still joked and chatted as though nothing had ever happened.

"I wish I could cook like this," Rose said as we dug into our food. It was a paella that Aunt Tasha had made. "When Liss and I ran away she did all the cooking. I could barely make pizza without burning it."

Aunt Tasha gave a tinkly laugh. "Practice makes perfect. I was at the burning pizza stage once, too. Christian can cook, you know. In summer I always make him cook for me."

Rose raised her brows at me, and I shrugged. "I'm not as good."

"I can't believe I was eating school dinners all the way through the field experience when I could have been having homemade meals every night."

I laughed. "I don't know where you think I could have gotten hold of a stove and food to cook with."

"Fair point, I suppose. I'll give you that one."

After dinner, Aunt Tasha pulled out a box. "I made Dimka drive me to the mall so I could buy us some new games to play. I feel like forcing Rose into cards again might be a bit cruel."

"I wasn't _that_ bad," Rose complained, but she looked pleased at the idea we might be doing something she was better at.

Aunt Tasha put two boxes on the table. One was _Pictionary_ and the other _Monopoly_.

"Oh no, not Monopoly," Rose said. "Me and Liss played that so much when we were on the run. It takes forever, too. Let's try _Pictionary_."

The rules looked simple enough. Split into teams, one draws whatever is on the card, and the other has to guess what they're drawing. Naturally, Rose and I were one team, Aunt Tasha and Dimitri the other.

"Okay, we both draw first round and whoever can guess fastest gets to go first," Dimitri read from the rules. "Sounds easy enough."

It was decided that me and Dimitri would draw first. I looked at the card. _Volcano_. I could definitely draw that.

Aunt Tasha turned over the timer and I hurried to draw it on the page.

"Volcano!" Aunt Tasha said, grinning.

I glared at Rose.

She held her hands up.

"Please don't tell me you're going to be bad at this, too. Should I switch teams before we get started?"

Dimitri looked aghast. "I'm not switching teams with anyone."

Rose glared at him, and took a long gulp of her wine. "We're going to crush you guys," she stated. "Christian, up your drawing game."

I scowled at her, and she grinned cheekily, grabbing the timer. "Okay, it's your turn, then."

But a knock on the door interrupted us. Everyone in the room frowned, and Aunt Tasha got up from her chair to open it. "Lissa! Eddie!" she greeted, ushering them inside. Lissa cast a blank look at where Rose and I were sat on the couch, and then looked at what we were doing.

I hoped Rose had drunk enough wine that she couldn't feel whatever Lissa was. I knew it wasn't good.

Rose's stiffness managed to fade almost immediately, though I knew she was making a conscious effort.

"Sorry," Lissa muttered, looking at me. I met her gaze head-on and refused to give anything away. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Of course you didn't! Come on, join the game. We only just started, so you can play. You and Eddie can be a team. The rules are really simple."

"Please, this is my perfect opportunity to pawn Rose off on someone so she doesn't drag down my artistic skill."

Rose snatched my poor attempt at a volcano, and then took Dimitri's. "Artistic skill," she mocked. "It's too late for that, anyway, I've declared victory on your team, and now I have to make good on that promise."

I rolled my eyes. "I guess I'm stuck with you, then."

Aunt Tasha had poured a glass of wine for the newcomers. "Sorry, I've only got four wine glasses in here. I hope you don't mind having tumblers."

"Of course not." Eddie smiled as he took both glasses and handed one to Lissa.

The game, for the most part, went off without a hitch. I could feel Lissa looking at me, but I did my best to avoid her. She had no idea I knew what she was thinking, so I couldn't give it away without letting her know that Rose knew everything.

Both Rose and I stopped drinking after that. Loosening up so much that we slipped and looked more friendly than we should would have been a bad idea. Rose maintained a guarded expression whenever she looked at me after Lissa joined the game.

We were all neck and neck when we got to the end. It was mine and Rose's turn to go first at the final hurdle. If we guessed within the time limit, then we'd have won.

Rose was drawing, and I had to admit she was a better drawer than me.

She grabbed the card and looked at it, her face falling.

I scowled. That wasn't good.

"Just give me a minute," she said, biting her lip and looking at the piece of paper. Then her eyes brightened. "Okay, I'm ready."

We huddled over the paper, and she began to draw. I immediately recognised where she was going. It was a hurried replica of the image she'd shown me in the offensive magic book before the attack; the man whipping the other man on the bum with a fire whip.

I stared, mouth open, but not understanding what it was supposed to mean.

"Our category is person," Rose said, teeth gritted.

"Oh. Right. Henry," I said. It was the name of the relative who had written the book.

She beamed, and began drawing again. It was a door, with someone knocking on it.

"Knocking," I guessed. She nodded, and gestured with her hand for me to keep going. "Knocked. Knocks." She pointed at me. "Henry Knocks."

"Yes!" she exclaimed, just as the time ran out. "Henry Knox."

Everyone was looking at the paper like we'd gone mad. "Who on Earth is Henry Knox?" I asked her.

"Not a clue." She grabbed our counter, and slammed it on the finish line. "We win!"

I beamed too, and everyone groaned. "Now you get to experience us both being sore winners!" I told Aunt Tasha, and she just shook her head.

"You two are unbearable. I only agreed to this because I was sure I'd win."

Rose and I laughed, and high-fived. " _Pictionary_ was definitely better than cards."

We both leant back on the couch, smug smiles on our faces, and Dimitri chuckled at us. "I still don't understand how that was supposed to be Henry," he said, gesturing to Rose's crude drawing.

I grabbed one the right book off the pile that currently sat on Aunt Tasha's table. "It was in one of the offensive magic books." I flicked to the right page and showed him. "Written by Henry Ozera." I showed Lissa and Eddie, too, who grinned.

"It's pretty close to curfew, you know," Eddie said, checking his watch. "We'd only planned on stopping by."

Rose and I glanced at each other. We'd been planning on staying far later than curfew, but knew that with Liss and Eddie here it wouldn't be the same. "Yeah, we should probably head back," Rose said.

We all stood up and hugged each other. They were leaving in two days' time, and so this was the last time we'd all be together like this. I'd maybe ask Rose if she wanted to come back with me tomorrow, to say a proper goodbye, just the two of us. It had become habit for the four of us to sit and talk into the evenings during the field experience, and I knew everyone involved missed that.

Then the four of us were heading back to campus, and an almost awkward silence descended on us. I wished it was just Rose and I; we'd have spent the walk back laughing about the good night, not allowing anything to bring us down.

Now, Rose stuck by Eddie's side and barely lifted her gaze from the ground. Liss was close by my side.

I wondered if the bond had come back to life; it was a while since Rose and I had stopped drinking, and she was probably sober by now.

Eddie and Rose headed off towards the Dhampir dorms, which left Lissa and I alone. "Is there something going on between you and Rose?" she asked as soon as we were alone.

"We're friends," I answered, trying to control my face.

"I've seen the way you look at her, you like her."

I lifted a shoulder. "She's your best friend, I'd never tell her that I like her."

"Even if she liked you back?"

"I don't think she does."

Lissa sighed. "I can't help myself being bitter towards her. I hate feeling like that. She's my best friend."

"I'm sorry," I said, and I almost meant it. I was sorry for getting in between Rose and Lissa, but I couldn't bring myself to be sorry for having fallen in love with her.

"It's not your fault, you can't help how you feel, I just—" she shrugged. "It's difficult. I barely even see her anymore. She's training all the time."

"After graduation it'll be different. She'll be your full time Guardian, and you'll be at college together."

"I guess so," she admitted. "I just want things to go back to how they were."

"It's not her fault that I like her. Besides, I hardly spend any time with Rose, anyway. Like you said, she's training all the time."

"I know it's not her fault, I'm just jealous." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, pausing at where we'd be taking different corridors. "Do you know what you're doing after graduation yet?"

I tried my best not to flinch. "I'm not really decided."

"You're going to follow her to Court, aren't you?"

I did flinch at that. "I'm going to follow all my friends to Court, Liss. I finally have people that I like and that like me. I don't want to just give that up."

She sighed again. "Yeah, I know. Just ignore me. I'll get over it eventually."

I shifted my weight uncomfortably, guilt gnawing at me. If she knew the truth about everything, she probably wouldn't get over it all eventually.

"Anyway." She took a deep breath and gave me one of her dazzling smiles. It no longer did anything to me like it used to. "I'm going to sleep. I'm sorry for nagging you."

"I'm your friend, you can talk to me about stuff that's bothering you." Though I'd have rather she never brought up my feelings for Rose ever again.

"I know. It's just still a bit strange for me."

"I know. It'll all seem normal soon, though."

"I hope so. Night, Christian."

"Night, Liss."


End file.
